okay, so i've been daiting my girlfriend for 9 months now. everythings fine. we've been thru some stuff, but we always pull thru and still together. im pretty much in love with her, she is my first love and i love it. i love everything about her. she loves me too. and we have plans for the future and all that stuff.

the problem is, every since we've been together, she has always talked to her ex boyfriend. thru myspace and in rare times he calls her, and i dont know if she has ever called him. it bothers me. because he was her first love and they dated for about a year. she did everything with him. i also feel like i was just a rebound since she started dating me a month after she broke up with him. but she said that she also dated other guys before. beccause they broke up and got back together and then broke up again. i didn't know this until later. it drives me crazy sometimes, i get so jealous of him. i don't know how she can forget him or he can forget her, if they always still talk.

the good thing is that he lives far away now. but one time he came to town, and he met up with her. that made me really mad, but she still saw him. she also told me that, she'd hang out with him whenever because she thinks thers nothing wrong about it. it sucks for me, because the wrong thing about it, its my feelings.

should i get over this? or does she need to get over him?

kp2171

i dated a girl in college who was still friends with her bf from hs. he lived in her town and shed see him, as friends, when shed go home. it irked me, i was jealous, but what am i going to do... tell her who she could and could not have as a friend? they had been friends for years before they dated.

best you can do, if you think you can trust her, is buck up and deal with it. you can tell her youre jealous... a little healthy jealousy isnt necessarily a bad thing. but after that, you need to let it go.

if you cant, then you cannot trust her... then its a problem. if you cant trust her with an ex then youre always going to be watching your back for the guy whos going to break it all up.

eisforx

do you think after we are together for a longer time, she'll eventually forget him?
it is annoying. its not like they hang out or anything. they just keeep talking to each other. i know he still loves her and wants her back. but he can't have her.

bluerose

I agree with kp2171. You can't tell her who to be friends with. What you can do is work on making your relationship with her more exciting, present her with small surprise gifts, outing, picnics. Stop mentioning the other guy and put your energy into improving your relationship with her. Knock her off her feet with surprises.

eisforx

he still always wants to know everything about her. thats how i feel. ive been with her almost a year and its been a year since they been together. he lives far away. but hes always wanting to know whats going on in her life. he sends her an e-mail like almost everyday. what is hes problem? why does he do that? now hes coming down this next week and he wants to see her, and she wants to say hi to him. yeah i admit i am jealous. but its already been a year, i think its time for them to think about their present relationships or future relationship, and respect them. i do trust my girlfriend, and i know she wouldnt leave me for him or anything. but im tired of him wanting to always know what is going on in her life seriously. he needs to get his own life.

chuff

Why does everybody always say that? What does that mean? You’ve been through some stuff so the relationship could never end. I never get that. It’s like a cop out for any problem between two people.

Why after only 9 months are you planning for the future? First love’s are always tricky since you are more blinded than normal. You think perfect, fantasy thoughts about the other person and ignore the defects. Sometimes that’s good, but it’s always best to know what someone’s faults are.

So right there that tells me she is pretty insecure. She always needs somebody in her life. After a month she’s with you. That’s needy. Going out with other guys during momentary break ups. Needy. She’s very insecure. That’s one reason she keeps talking to him. Plus she can use him as a back up plan if your relationship fails. Or perhaps she’s using you since you pointed out that he lives far away.

She doesn’t want to forget about him. Don’t you see that.

You expressed that to her? If so then I guess that should show you what she thinks of you. Again, that’s the problem with first loves. You blind yourself to this stuff. Actually that can happen with any love but when your all new to it, you allow it to happen more.

Wow sucks for you.

Good you thought so too.

EXACTLY!!! She doesn’t appreciate your feelings. It’s almost like she’s taunting you with this other guy. I wouldn’t trust her at all.

You should get over this by getting out of this relationship. She’s walking all over your feelings. She isn’t going to get over him. She still wants him in her life.

eisforx

dude you're right. in mostly everything you said. i do feel pretty blinded about stuff. i bet if this wasnt my first relationship and first love. i wouldnt just take that stuff. and i guess she doesn't understand that, and she thinks is right to do what she does keeping up with her ex boyfriends.

thats like number one rule in a new relationship. To forget your ex relationships and never ever bring them up with your new one.

but i just can't let her go that easily. we are really happy together. i just gotta tell her, that i can't stand it anymore.

kp2171

um... she thinks its right cause it is right, for her.

in the end maybe you arent as compatable as youd like to think? look, my wife wouldve been a little ticked off if i had still been friends with the girl i dated before her, because she knew i was pretty crazy about her. but the truth is, if i did want a friendship with that girl, and nothing more, i would have had it... and if another girl i was dating was too insecure, well thats her problem to some degree.

my wife still talks to and is great friends with her HS sweetheart. she is good friends with and works with her ex-fiancee. who the hell am i to tell her who she can and cannot talk to and be friends with??? if i have to restrict her, then either i am insecure or shes not trustworthy, or both.

now... youve said you trust her and youre just annoyed that mr ex is still around. get over it.

my wife travels a lot. i know when she goes to mexico there is a guy whod do about anything to get her to come back to his room with him. its the price you pay for caring for someone who is attractive in many ways. other people will see the same thing you do and be attracted. its life. get over it.

now... im not saying turn your head and get walked on. there are reasonable considerations and limitations partners give each other where friendships with the opposite sex are concerned.

but in the end... youre just going to have to be a little jealous and be done with it. not be mad at her. not waste time on him. end of it.

and as for the "number one rule in a new relationship"... PLEEEASSSEEE.

please dont talk like you know all the "rules".

your past helps shape who you are. yes, again, there are reasonable limitations to how much time you should dwell on past relationships, but if you really want to know who she is, the past is a big part of it.

youre too insecure here. dont blame her for that.

talaniman

9 months is still the dating stage where you have fun, and get to know someone. Obviously you fell in deeper than she did so back off and get back to the fun part. Yeah, I know she loves you so much, okay believe what you want but be aware that she does as she wants when she wants and You get mad, HMMMM, what does that tell you. Back up and get a life without her, and let her do whatever she wants and YOU DO THE SAME. She is not as committed as you, so what is it you think you have here? This is so out of balance and will not work until you get equal. Date her have fun and don't worry about exes. Have the things you enjoy and do it, that includes dating who you want and enjoying it. NOPE, I don't care how much you looooove her, she doesn't feel the same . Get some reality and lose the jealous whining. NOT good.

chuff

Yeah this very unhealthy. I think she just taunts you with this other guy. She knows exactly what she's doing. Don't think for one second she doesn't. That's why I hate it when I see these posters write, "She loves me and would never do anything to hurt me." If that were the case you wouldn't be in this situation. This woman loves attention. She loves to toy with people and she loves to play with peoples emotions.

I gave someone an example awhile ago where you never give the girl more than 50% in the relationship. Eisrorx, you've given her over 50% of your heart and 100% of your jealousy. The truth is she's loving it. She doesn't necessarily love you. But she loves what she can do to you. She loves that she can manipulate you like this.

I'd recommend letting her go to work on those feelings. Look, your young and inexperienced, your not stupid or at fault. The correct response from the beginning should have one of indifference. If you were indifferent about it everytime she brought up her ex she wouldn't have the edge in her game. And make no mistake this girl is playing a game with you.

Women see jealousy as a sign of weakness and the ones that toy with guys use it to exploit them. See the problem you have is your so far gone in the emotional side you can't step back and look at this for what it is. Again some of this comes from life experience but take a huge step back and look at this girl not as how your girlfriend acts, but as how human beings act. It becomes much clearer then.