I am 22 male year old college student, who made the biggest mistake of his life!! About eight months ago I was with my ex-girlfriend and things weren't going well. She left for two weeks to Europe and while she was gone I slept with an old friend. Originally I didn't intend for it to happen, I allowed the infidelity to justify breaking up with my gf. We spent a few months apart but kept in touch. Around Christmas I began feeling like I made a massive mistake. I started doing some sole searching and came to realize how selfish, inconsiderate, and how self-destructive I had been. I began dialogue with my ex about getting together. I came clean to the affair a few weeks ago, because I knew I could not accept her love without being fully honest, and admitting my transgressions. On top of this massive lapse of judgement I have been an inconsistent boyfriend...ending the relationship three times previously.

Is there any hope for us? I love this girl with all of my heart, and it baffles my mind how I could do such an awful thing to someone who cares for me so much. I'm not naive...I know that there are other people who could make both of us happy, but I want so desperately to undo all the wrong I have brought into her life.

Through all of my self-discoveries I have been compelled to re-affirm my commitment to god, which all together had previously faded. According to the dogmatics I have started a new, can this new accountability safegaurd our future? I know I will never do it again, but because of all the crap I have done would it be better for both of us to move on?

450donn

Why ask us? I think you need to talk to her in a frank and honest manner and let her know how you feel and find out how she feels about this relationship. Is she a Christian too? If she has stuck with you this long, she probably has some long term goals for this relationship. Good luck.

Musushi

Well, the best you can really do at this point is talk to her. Not just a simple, "Hey, I'm really sorry. Let's put this behind us. It won't happen again." You need to have a heart to heart conersation with her. Girls tend to appreciate long talks, because it helps them understand that what your saying is important. A longer conversation would make her feel like you really mean it.
At this point, she probably feels like you just kicked her to the curb for someone else, but you need to tell her otherwise. She may not want to have an intimate relationship, but it would a a good idea to at least talk to her and let her know what you did was wrong. A lot of what you said earlier in your question is perfect to tell her. One important thing is that you shouldn't say anything you don't mean. If you want to get back together, but not in a serious relationship, don't say you want to be with her forever.
Good luck with your problem!

Musushi

I agree, and you should definetly try and see her side of the situation.

JBeaucaire

Well good for you. It is so refreshing to read a message from someone who isn't hedging. Owning your behavior is a good sign.

Growing up is such a pain, isn't it? Well, the answer to your question is "yes", you two can survive this...but only with her permission. Without it, you're toast.

Go with God. He'll give you strength and bolstering whichever way things end up with you and your girl. You may HAVE to pay the price for your sins by losing this girl, but that isn't bad, it just IS...the natural consequence of things we do.

If she does forgive you, she still may not come back. Accept the forgiveness and do not repeat this in the future with your next chance at real love, OK?

As for this relationship, you've confessed. Good. Now, ASK for forgiveness. Tell her that even if you lose her over this, you want her to know how dreadfully you hate what you did. Even though it will never happen again, you know that her forgiving you will make it better on her heart in the long run. So ASK for it.

Then start over with her. If she keeps the door open, treat her like you would a new dating relationship, honor and cherish her, court her and open your life completely to her. The things about you know she doesn't like, don't hide them, keep them clear and unhidden. Make time for her, but make a life of your own too so that she can see you are about more than a paycheck and dating her, that there's more to your priorities. She'll like that.

God speed.

jasmine_rezzag

As you say that "it baffles my mind how I could do such an awful thing to someone who cares for me so much",i can't see you really love her! what is love? say loving someone but hurt her/him at the same time?If you really love her,what's in your mind should be how to make her happy every day not hurt her,betray her......sorry for my rude but i hate man saying love one woman but sleep with others which is totally unforgivable!

Simple Asian

well ..with all the things you said ? and done ? ...you already no what you should do and shouldnt do ..

so why bother sitting here and ask us ? ....you are the one that supposed to do the action ..make up your mind ..^^ we just here to support you mentally