okay, so i've been daiting my girlfriend for 9 months now. everythings fine. we've been thru some stuff, but we always pull thru and still together. im pretty much in love with her, she is my first love and i love it. i love everything about her. she loves me too. and we have plans for the future and all that stuff.

the problem is, every since we've been together, she has always talked to her ex boyfriend. thru myspace and in rare times he calls her, and i dont know if she has ever called him. it bothers me. because he was her first love and they dated for about a year. she did everything with him. i also feel like i was just a rebound since she started dating me a month after she broke up with him. but she said that she also dated other guys before. beccause they broke up and got back together and then broke up again. i didn't know this until later. it drives me crazy sometimes, i get so jealous of him. i don't know how she can forget him or he can forget her, if they always still talk.

the good thing is that he lives far away now. but one time he came to town, and he met up with her. that made me really mad, but she still saw him. she also told me that, she'd hang out with him whenever because she thinks thers nothing wrong about it. it sucks for me, because the wrong thing about it, its my feelings.

should i get over this? or does she need to get over him?

chuff

I'd like to think everything but that's just me. LOL


Your an emotional guy. I can very much relate. I lead with my emotions too, which ironically enough leads to problems with women because they by and large are emotional people and are much better at understanding emotions, exploting emotions, and using emotions.


Weeeeelllllll, I'm here to tell you that isn't always that case. I'm a prime example of someone who has done it over and over again. That being said, I'm also stubborn so if you can be open to learning at your age and not give so much of yourself right away it won't take you years to figure it out like it did me. That's not to say you'll never experience heartache or pain, but hopefully you'll be able to see it coming and understand it better than now.


Your just a play toy to her. She's playing with your emotions. I'm not saying that keeping in touch with an ex is necessarily bad, but to through it in your face tells me she's just toying with your emotions.


The number one rule in a new relationship is......well I have no idea what it is actually. But if she was serious about you, which she is not this "rule" wouldn't have to be addressed at all.

First let me say that I think you need to break up with her. I think you need to really work on keeping your emotions in check and not give over 50% of yourself. You need to work on your jealousy.

Look at what you just wrote though. You are in denial. In one sentence you wrote, "we are really happy together," and in the very next sentence you wrote "I can't stand it anymore." First when you are talking about feelings in a relationship you can only speak for yours. You can never speak for the other person. Never use the term "we" because in reality it is just you.

Second, she already knows you can't stand it. That's why she plays this game. I wouldn't even bring that up. Just tell her you've got other things your interested in and want to explore them. Suddenly she'll be asking herself, "What the hell does that mean?" That takes some of that power back that you've handed over to her.

JasmineLOVE105

Just cause they still talk and hang out dont mean anything. Have you asked her how she feels about you and him. Have you asked her if she still has feelings for him? Do you TRUST her? They could be just friends. Try and ask her these questions and then it me back.

valinors_sorrow

Call me old fasioned, call me overly mannered, call me anything you like actually but I happen to think that ex's are not really great friendship material. I mean I don't regulate them to Siberia. But to back up emotionally to some pre-involvement place is lost on me. Maybe others like to do that but then they also seem to create relationships on a far more casual basis than I do, I think? Which is their perogative. When I have looked into how my girlfriends claim they did it, its as if they turned an ex into something like a brother (BLECH!) but that all seemed a little too bizarrely incestuous to me. LOL I learned early on that ex's in the picture was a bonafide red flag for me. Which is my perogative. And that always meant that I needed to look elsewhere when I ran into that while dating. And so I did. You may need to also. To pursue a woman who's habits are that objectionable, even if you do love her, is not right. And you're the one who is deciding to do that, aren't you?

I haven't had many relationships in my life but I have had an enormous number of friends and acquaintences. And none of them have minded when they start in about their ex's unneccessarily, I make it clear I don't care to participate in that since I have an easy solution. Lovers are a very cherished and special breed to me. I still love whoever I've ever loved and if any of them were still around it would be awkward to say the least. Its not a jealousy thing as much as its a comfort thing, to me. It took dating more than a few men to find the ones who thought like I do. And so it may be so for you too about the women.

chuff

"extremely paranoid and unhelpfull"

That is one of the stupiest things I've ever read. Especially since the very next post the original poster agreed with me. I then attempted to help out the original poster with 2 other posts related to the subject matter. I notice you couldn't muster the time to offer him any advice. You know such as it's okay to cheat on her with another woman from another city but then wonder why she would ever leave a great catch like that. I invite you to sit back and learn a thing or two about how a real man operates.

Now that I got that off my chest this post probably was extremely paranoid and unhelpful.

eisforx

i might just ask her that i need some time for myself. because ive been feeling like she doesn't care.

i will try not to talk to her.
maybe if she really cares and loves me. she will try to come back to me.
if i see she doesn't care at all.
she is not the one for me.

talaniman

I like this idea. So have fun without her.

chosen1

i broke up with my olf gf and she got a new bf (will say this is u) and i was her first love and were still friends and talk... i would feel un comfortable in your posistion ..we have slept together and have talked about getting back while she has been dating the new bf. its not a healthy relationship for you... u could get really hurt..either get rid of her or tell to stop talking to him or u will leave her. let her pick

liza1026

just ENJOY THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE! she chose YOU for a reason, remember that. nothing is forcing her to stay with you, she obviously wants to for a reason. i just got out of a 9 month relationship and PLEASE don't make the same mistakes as i did: don't take her/your love for granted and TRUST HER unless she gives you a true reason not to. SHE LOVES YOU! don't assume you can make it through anything, it's going to take a lot of work if you really do want to pull through. also, if you're already making plans for the future, it's definitly YOU she wants (just make sure you don't lose her before then!)

eisforx

thanks liza1026. you actually give me hope. everyone else just tells me to break it off.
hahaha.

chuff

Ahhh so young, so lost.



Did you actually read what was going on. He can't. She keeps taunting him with her ex boyfriend.

And that reason was rebound.

Yes because he's new to relationships, a little unsure of himself and obviously senses that something isn't right here. He is giving well more than 50% in this relationship to the point she doesn't have to give much at all. It's a totally one sided relationship with her openly, in front of him either putting out feelers or continueing the emotional connection that she never let go of since she just jumped from the ex to eisfox. She gets the best of both worlds. She gets to stay emotionally attached to the ex while keeping eisfox around for all her emotional baggage.

In fact, I'll ask it. Eisfox... Does she have a tendancy to complain, whine, and moan to you but never sound upset or down when she talks to the ex?

Let's not forget what the ex gets out this, he gets a girl at his beck and call anytime he sees fit. The ex controls the girlfriend and the girlfriend controls Eisfox. Eisfox, nice guy that he is, doesn't want to make waves so he goes along with this and in the end will be used.

No disrespect, but getting advice from an emotionally wounded female to a male who is watching his girlfriend through her ex in his face is probably not the first place to look.

Why?

She has. Did you read the original post at all? Good God, she's taunting Eisfox with her ex. When he's brought it up she doesn't care. She says she is going to see him when he comes and she isn't interested in how that makes Eisfox feel. Screw her. If she doesn't care about his feelings then I sure am going to step up and help to the best of my knowledge and abilitys explain to him what's going on and what's going to happen.

But you know what, don't take my word for it. Take a look at the other posters with knowledge, experiences, and abilitys well beyond my own. They are all similiar. There is a constant patternn of the advice given. That is she's using him. None of us are emotionally attached to the situation like he is. He senses it. He knows it's not right. He's emotional about it. He's also trying to be a gentleman, the nice guy, and understanding and look what that's getting him. The reason is because he's getting used. Deep down, actually I don't even think it's that deep he knows what is being said by us is the truth. His never had these feelings of love before though so he's also afraid to face that reality of the loss. He's giving so much of himself and quite frankly she doesn't sound like she's giving anything.

It's his decision and that I will not take from him but don't you dare come here and tell him, the other posters, or myself that he isn't getting the bad end of this deal. He sure is. He said it himself that it's his first love so the reality might be he's got to see it all the way to know we are right. I hope that's not the case. I hope he can put his emotions aside and see that we want to help him not go through the pain.

That being said, I gurantee if he continues this path it's going to end up bad for him. I don't wish that on him but I study human behavior enough to get the big picture. I don't just through him some advice based on the fact I just broke up myself.

SHE DOE NOT! SHE USES YOU AS AN EMOTIONAL CRYING TOWEL. Again I ask this question and Eisforx I ask you to be honest. How does she act around him? How does she act around you? Does she whine and complain to you? If you so your the emotional crying towel.

He has put the work in. Seriously, did you read the original post? SHE is the one that doesn't want to change.

After 9 months nobody should be making plans for the future.

But since they are I can tell you she's not serious. She says nice to things to him to go along with whatever he's saying, she probaly gets a lot of nice gifts and attention for going along with it. But this girl is all about the challenge. There's none here. He's given her all his power. Litterally all of it. Now he's telling her that he will settle down with her after 9 months while she flaunts the fact that she talks to other guys in his face. Game over. She won. She'll go along with anything he says because that is more attention and probably more gifts for her. Plus she can whine and cry to him and he acts as a friend to take her emotional baggage.

Contrast that with the ex. He calls her when HE wants to, he can meet up with her when HE wants to, and he doesn't devote or even NEED her attention or love. That game is still ongoing for her.