cMe and my first love broke up about 2 days ago. Her name is Megan (she is 17 I am 18) and we were in really love with each other. We helped each other with our demons(she had been sexual assaulted and me beaten in our past). We spend almost all our time together (everyday after school) and most all weekends. We had been doing this for almost 1 year. I had truly fell in love with her and gave up my virginity. And when we were together we said intimate I love you's and played around, we almost never fought.

Over the past week things have just fallen apart right in front of me. Her mom has gotten in her head and will not let us be together. And I have no classes with her. She began to say that she was getting tired of her mother and sisters constant "break up with him" yelling.

On tuesday she hands me a note in the hall. It basically says we need to take a break and that she had been thinking about this for a while. I was heart broken... I wrote her a note saying that if she wants a break ok, but I truly had loved her and If we broke up I dont think we could ever get back together (that was more a bluff than truth). She wrote me back a letter and gave it to me at lunch. It basically said that she was hurt badly by the use of the phrase "I loved you". I heard she started crying in class when she read it. So I ask her to come with me and skip the rest of the day. When we got alone in the car we started taking and we decided to stay together and not let anyone separate us. She said she wanted to run away and everything.

Then the next day was wed. and we got thru the end of the day and decided to spend the day together. When we got to my home, i ask her what she thought when she looked at me. She sat their and thought for a moment and said "that I love you". Then her mom called... she said she was coming to pick her up right away. I was really hurt and I ask her to fight to stay here, she said she would try but she didnt want to fight. Her mom and her argued for about two minutes and then she said she had to go. But she wasnt crying or anything. I ask her to but she said her mom wouldnt care. I thought about her constantly for about 2 hour and called her at about 7 p.m.

Then she said something I never thought she would say "I think we need to break up". I started to get upset (crying a little) and then she started too. She said that she had never done this to a boy(great). I had ask here why and she says that she i dont love as much as I used to. That hurt so much. She started to say that i was too controlling and she just never told me. I am a kind of person who will change for someone I love. and I thought "if she just gave me one more shot".Then she goes "but I still love you and I want to be friends". "Odviously not" I said, then she started to really cry hard. Mind you this all happened in less than 26 hours. I said "Goodbye Megan" and she started crying as I hung up.

I started crying and thought why am I doing this? I waited for about two hour and called her back. And she had fallen asleep but her sister woke her up. I ask her if we could just go back to the break, and just dating and that I was so sorry for being controlling. She said ok if I can get a friend to go on a double date the next day.Later I sat in my room and thought what a terrible idea it was to do this double date, if she didnt want to see me fine i thought.

I stayed home on thur. and so did she oddly enough. I guess she thought it was a bad idea too. I called her and basically said that I think we should break up too(i read a note over the phone i wrote the night before). In my heart I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I wanted to just be together with her alone for a hour.

Now today(friday) rolls around. I give her the note I wrote (It basically said you were my first real love) and her ring she gave me. She wrote me back and said that I was her first real love too (that almost made me break down) and that she wouldnt tell my secrets or anything. My note felt heartfelt and her just seemed informal to me. The notes when back and forth all day. Mine heart felt, hers more informal. The last note I said that I didnt know if we could be friends and that i didnt love her anymore and that i wouldnt ask her out again so dont worry. She replyed that if I need time to "Get over it" before we could be friends that ok. And if I didnt want to talk to her it was ok too. And now I am home typing on the computer.

I fell so hurt by her. I just want things to go back the way they were, but I know they can't. Now that you know my story I was wondering if any of you went thru anything similar to this breakup. And I need some advice.

What do I do about seeing her every day?

Can we really be friends? What do we do and dont do as friends?

Should I care for her anymore? would it be a good idea?

How long does it take for this pain to start to fade? Is their anything I can do to speed it up?

Is their anyway to help deal with the pain when she starts to date again? (I just want to finish out highschool and date in college)

Should I try to get back together?

And when I do date again what are some ways to not get this hurt again?

Sorry for any misspellings. Thanks for reading my long story and giving advice I am just really hurting right now and feel stupid for loving her so much

kyop

Welcome to the world of relationships. I hate to break it to you, but you're going to feel this way at least a few more times before you find "the one". We all remember our first love, but rarely do we spend the rest of our lives with them. It is certainly a possibility to be friends with her. It will hurt badly when she starts seeing other people, but that's also a big part of growing up. The hardest part will be to let her go. Making her feel guilty and penning letters to make her emotional will only eventually drive her completely away. Give her space. Right now your love is quickly turning into infatuation and desperation. If you ever want to be a good partner, you need to learn first how to be alone. That will keep you from being controlling in the future. The best relationships allow the partners to complement each other and co-exist. Not be dependent on each other and cause destructive behavior (like skipping school or lying).

She needs her space right now. The cliche (and Police song) are correct about if you love someone, set them free. If she decides to come back, it will be her decision not your influence. If she doesn't come back, then you've learned a lot about love and relationships and you know more ways to make the next one last longer. That's a good thing.

Take care. I know you're hurting. Been through it more than I care to admit. Bite the bullet and move on with yourself. She'll respect you for it and you'll waste a few less days of your life feeling sorry for yourself.

xclarax

hello bud i just read ur story n it seemz really sad ! im srry 2 hear about tha break up ! but mayb it was 4 tha best in life u have 2 kiss a few froogz b4 u meet tha perfect 1!

i_feel_them_Taunting_me

I've been thru something similar.....it was with my first love, reed. me and him were fine it seemed and then all of a sudden hes like "i dont love u anymore...blah blah blah..." im not going to lie its not easy getting over someone u devote so much time and energy with. its not her tho, its her mom...i know she feels torn about it but she has to live with her mom, not with you so she deosnt have much of a choice. i mean i was with reed like...3 years ago and i still miss him and wonder if hes ever thinking about me....but i found someone else...and its wonderful, ya know? just remember she isnt your everything, and even tho she left, you're still gonna be truckin' you knoe? u learned a lot about love with that relationship. you're going to be ok. i have to say i wish i could confort yuo but all i can do is give you advice and dont worry, your a wonderful guy and you will find someone who will treat u the way u deserve....who will stand by your side unconditionally ok?

kristynn

I think that you two belong together, but you have to fight for it.
I understand you love her and I think she loves you just as much. It seems to me that her mom is the only problem. Is there a reason why she acts the way she does? Why doesn't she want you two together? She seems to control her daugther too much.
I also think your girl feels as bad as you... Yet, her mom influences her decisions.
One thing you shouldn't do is feeling stupid for loving her!
If you love her that much, you'll probably never be able to get completely over her. She'll always have a special place in your hear no matter how hard you try.
So, think, is getting over her what you really want?

mcboarder20

Hey man, I am basically in the same situation as you. I found another girl and she is absolutely amazing, the thing is, my ex keeps playing these disgusing games. When she starts to date again it is going to be the hardest kick to your balls, yes it will hurt that bad. I remeber hearing aout my ex hooking up with a guy the very same day she met him, and it was just a 1 nights tand, since then she has gone on TONS of dates. It hurt so bad, and she continues to tell me she loves me, but can't be with me basicaly for the same reasons as you. I'm still trying very hard to get over her. It has been about 6 months now thatw e havn't been together, and we dated for 2 years. It sucks. But this new girl is even better than my ex and now i know that eventullay u wil find the right person, somone that is better in every way. I thought that was al bull but, i see that it is true. DO your best to forget her, the past 6 months have been just one battle after another with my ex and they keep getting worse, the best thing to d with a dead relationship is to let it go. plus her mom is ABSOLUTELY INSANE, kinda like ur situation lol. Go looking for another girl, without a doubt you wil eventualy find an amazing girl, I gave my exh my virginity as she gave me hers, and I was her first kiss, I was her first everything. It hurts real bad but the best thing to do is, if you know its dead, forget about her man, there are a million others out there. my ex.s mom did the same thing, then her friends got in on it too and now im this eveil being, when in reality im a realy nice guy who treats girls like princesses and just has good morals. If you are going to fight for her, fight for her, but if it goes on a long time and doesn't get anywhere, move \on and forget about her as soon as possible, because, believe me it just hurts the longer ur involved in a dead relationship. I feel your pain man. Goodluck. Don't let this botehr yout o much because if you do, you wil only bring urself into a very deep depression, trust me i know form ersnal experience. I agree completely with the first comment, I have learned a lot from this whole hell ive been thru. But that is the best advice. and don't try to make her feel guilty or anything, that only makes it worse, If you give her the space she needs right now, chances are she will come back to you. Just give it some time.

sleepinbeauty

dont get over her. ive been in the same situation. with my mom telling me to brake up with my boyfriend. one day she went out and caught us making out at my house when she wasnt home. she never let me see him. the next time we saw eachother was about 8 months later. we fought threw it though, we proved our love to her. He proved to my mom he loved me. Now a year later we get to see eachother again you cant just give up.

megan_heartbroken

okay, well you're pretty much just going to have to talk to other girls, and give her up. im a female, and it works for me. like i had a relationship and it was about 10 months i guess and we broke up. i mean what is ment to be will always find it's way. it hurts but you might need to move on. well that's my opnion.