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I have to break up with him ,with care. Any suggestions on ways to say it?
I've been dating this guy for a year and I am certian that I am done with this relationship and ready to try something new. I've grown so much with this guy but I feel we need to just be friends. How can I say "We can't do this anymore" while reassuring him that i still love him and want to continue being friends?
Break it off completely. Being friends won't help him get over you. Or help you get over him. Don't promise him friendship at a break-up, it's a slap in the face. Just tell him that you are ready to start a life without him, and that he is strong enough to do the same.
Hmmm... "ready to try something new"... "can't do this anymore"... "still love him"
SAY WHAT??
Don't expect him to believe that last one, and don't expect him to want to continue being friends.
I've been the dumper, and I've been the dumpee, and both are hard, I know that, but trying to let someone down easy by telling them you still love them and want to be "just friends" is a cop out. You may think you believe it, but he won't and he shouldn't. Tell him the real truth about why you want to break it off. Don't try to sugar coat it. It tastes bad enough without that sticky, sickly, sweet crap all over it.
1. Don't expect friendship. In fact, don't even say, "Can we be friends?"
2. Don't lie. Don't try to bs your way out of it. You lost interest. That's that.
3. Although you shouldn't bs, don't flat out be blunt/mean about it. Sugar coat it just a little bit, but again, don't pull this whole "I need time...space...etc." Tell the truth.
Breaking up stinks...and being broken up with stinks as well. There's just no easy way of getting around it. However, lying or saying stuff like "I need space" will make it worse. Also, give him plenty of time/space afterwards.
"I've really tried to let the fact that I care for you so much be enough for us to stay together. But it isn't enough. I don't see myself living with you forever, so keeping this going any longer would just be me lying to you, and I don't want to do that. I hope you'll meet someone soon that feels about you the right way, the way I can't commit to."
"I'm grateful for all we've had and will cherish it. Now, I need to move on so we can both get back to looking for that "forever" person. I wish it was you, but it isn't. I'm sorry, I hope you forgive me for having to say it, but it is true, and after all we've been through, I owe you honesty all the way to the end."
"Good bye."
You don't want to cause him any more pain, but since he's the one getting dumped, he will be working overtime to find some way to get you back...for quite some time to come. Therefore you have to NOT go out of your way to contact him for any reason at all.
The reason? Anything you PURPOSEFULLY say or do in his direction for the next 6-12 months will be misconstrued and confusing to him. He will find some way to make it mean "she wants me still" in his mind, even if all you said is "Hi, how are things going."
If you want him to get over the pain you're about to cause, walk away. Love him enough to let him go through this on his own, including hating you if necessary to get through it all.
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