With a guy but now thinking about my kind of ex (long story)
Asked May 1, 2012, 11:38 PM
I just wanted to thank you for reading this and giving me some advice, I know this is a long one.
Some back round information just so you get a good idea of what has lead up to this situation I've gotten myself into:
So I was dating this guy (we'll call him G1) about 5 years ago, he seemed interested and we were seeing each other for about 8 months. Him and I had known each other since high school, we were never friends, but we just knew the same people. But then he started being emotionally abusive and making me feel like I was worthless. G1 started ignoring me and eventually he broke it off. I was really hurt and had started believing what he said about me.
A few months after he broke up with me another guy came into my life (we'll call him G2). It had started off as a friendship, he was new to the area. A month or so later our friendship started to become more of a relationship. I had never been with a guy that was so gentle and amazing, we were into the same things, we wanted the same things for our future. I started to freak out, it seemed too good to be true, too much like an 80's movie. I thought I was too happy, that I didn't deserve such a great guy.
Eventually G1 found out about me dating G2. When G1 realized that he wasn't going to be able to win me back he resorted to his abusive ways and told me that if I didn't leave G2 he would go after him. I knew he would actually do it, but instead of going through proper channels I just broke it off with G2.
It was only a matter of time before before G1 and I got back together I felt I didn't deserve a good guy that I deserved the abuse.
After almost a year I had enough, and ended it with G1 for good. I broke his heart and he never bothered me again.
I know that sounds like the end of the story but that was just the history, again I'm sorry this is so long.
After I had gone through some therapy trying to fix what I let G1 do to me I wanted to give G2 an explanation. In the year it took me to straighten myself out and get in touch with him he was moving back home for a better job opportunity. He told me he was hurt by what I did but that he didn't blame me and that he wished I had just told him what was going on because he would never have let me go.
Neither one of us were in a position to even think about a long distance relationship so we decided to be friends. I never lost the feelings I had for him but I thought I was okay with being friends.
Now here comes the twist.
I eventually started dating someone locally (again we'll call him G3). We moved in together after 2 months because it was really great, but 7 months after that he took a job transfer out of state. He asked me to go with him and I did. But ever since we got here we started fighting and not really talking. We makeup but it has never been the same. I lost the job that I had gotten out here (which he didn't even like in the first place) and that made it even worse. We haven't even slept in the same room never mind the same bed in well over 2 months!
Money is very tight which he says is the cause of a lot of our problems. But we wouldn't be in this money situation if he would not spend everything on unnecessary things. Every time I would try to tell him that money was tight and we shouldn't spend it he would just ignore me and spend the money any way.
I always kept in contact with G2 even though I was with G3.
It's that strange relationship where we spoke about everything, even our current relationships. Eventually he told me that he still had feelings for me and no girl that he has been with since me has never been who he wanted and he was done lying to himself about how he feels about me.
G2's confection really messed up my ability to push my feelings for him into the back of my mind.
I know that it's easier to have these feelings for G2 while G3 and I are in such a rough patch but G3 and I moved a year ago and most of that year has been fighting.
Not yelling and screaming fighting; but more like a "non-fight, fight" where you know that the relationship isn't okay but you try to go through the motions.
So I guess my question is what do I do?
I have had feelings for G2 for a while but it's never been a good time.
G3 used to be a great boyfriend, but ever since we moved to another state things have been really messed up.
Any advice for this EXTREMELY messed up woman?
Again I want to thank you for reading and responding to this story/question