The Good: I'm back out dating! The Bad: I'm back out dating.

artlady · Feb 11, 2009, 08:01 AM

Maybe you are moving too fast.If you don't like games then tell her your getting mixed messages.
In the future give her a little more time to prepare for an outing,like 2 days ahead of time.

As an aside,you say you don't like games but even though you wanted to call her after your first meeting you didn't because you didn't want to seem desperate. Maybe she was anticipating your call and was disappointed.

Justwantfair · Feb 11, 2009, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

As an aside,you say you don't like games but even though you wanted to call her after your first meeting you didn't because you didn't want to seem desperate. Maybe she was anticipating your call and was disappointed.

And beyond being disappointed interrupted that you weren't as interested as you seemed on the date.

BimmerGuy · Feb 11, 2009, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

Maybe you are moving too fast.If you don't like games then tell her your getting mixed messages.
In the future give her a little more time to prepare for an outing,like 2 days ahead of time.

As an aside,you say you don't like games but even though you wanted to call her after your first meeting you didn't because you didn't want to seem desperate. Maybe she was anticipating your call and was disappointed.

Thanks for the reply.

Honestly I don't feel like we're moving too terribly fast but could be wrong. Like I said we really hit it off and the intimate moments have been just as much her as they have been me, it is the whole aftermath that has me confused.

As far as asking her to do stuff I usually try to give as much time as possible but this last one was kind of spur of the moment. The weather was nice (73*) when it is normally 50* and thought a trail walk and a bite outside would be a nice alternative to the dinner and a movie deal. Too soon, maybe but if I'm interested and an opportunity presents itself that may be fun I'm not going to ignore it.

Yep you are probably right, I do look like somewhat of a hippocrit after not calling her. At the same time though (again I'm rusty) I knew I'd see her Sunday after Friday's dinner and told her I'd call her about riding together, so it wasn't like I left her in the blue. Again that is my view of it though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

and beyond being disappointed interrupted that you weren't as interested as you seemed on the date.

Understandable. I don't want to straight up ask her if she is cool with me but that might give her a chance to let me know what she thinks?

Justwantfair · Feb 11, 2009, 09:06 AM

I think the biggest thing when you are dating is you don't know who/how often she is dating as well. You don't know her social life so you are forced to make assumptions about her schedule and lack of attention to you.

Call her about a date in the near future and if that doesn't pan out, continue dating. Chemistry is key but there are plenty of single people out there, just keep looking, don't get too hung up on the first date you have had in four plus years.

You are only two months out of your previous relationship, you still need to be developing yourself again. What you enjoy about your life by yourself. Remember that a good tool for when you most like will be ready for the next attempt at a healthy relationship is two months single for every year in the relationship. Take your time, you are still a young single.

Good luck to you.

artlady · Feb 11, 2009, 09:06 AM

I might also suggest that you ask her out on a date date,yeah know movie, dinner, that sort of thing.She might just get the impression you just want to hang out and not really do much.That's kind of a drag. Be up front and ask what is happening,its the only way to know for sure.Guessing just causes confusion.

Good Luck!

BimmerGuy · Feb 11, 2009, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I think the biggest thing when you are dating is you don't know who/how often she is dating as well. You don't know her social life so you are forced to make assumptions about her schedule and lack of attention to you.

Call her about a date in the near future and if that doesn't pan out, continue dating. Chemistry is key but there are plenty of single people out there, just keep looking, don't get too hung up on the first date you have had in four plus years.

You are only two months out of your previous relationship, you still need to be developing yourself again. What you enjoy about your life by yourself. Remember that a good tool for when you most like will be ready for the next attempt at a healthy relationship is two months single for every year in the relationship. Take your time, you are still a young single.

Good luck to you.

Thanks again for the quick reply! I'm set on sitting on this for a while (might see her tonight as her friends might meet up with mine, not sure though) and just see what happens.

Being just out of 2 months isn't a long time but I'm already feeling pretty good about things it general. Looking back at my past relationship at the positives, not resenting things. Now I'm 24, have an excellent education, incredible job, workout 5 days a week, have been told I'm attractive, own my own house, drive a nice car and have surrounded myself with great friends and family.

Also I'm not getting too hung up on just this date, I actually met somebody else Saturday night. She ended up coming back home with me and we had a great night (not a one night stand, I'm not that guy at ALL and nothing past 2nd) but enjoyed the night, had a good morning and have another date Thursday night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

I might also suggest that you ask her out on a date date,yeah know movie, dinner, that sort of thing.She might just get the impression you just want to hang out and not really do much.That's kind of a drag. Be up front and ask what is happening,its the only way to know for sure.Guessing just causes confusion.

Good Luck!

You're right. I really think if we can get some more one on one time it would help. The other times we have been together have been when others were there. We've only had time by ourselves when I've driven her home and when she invited me in.

I'm a pretty straight up guy so we'll see what happens!

Thank you both again for your comments!

SAB123 · Feb 11, 2009, 10:36 AM

I would just hang out and don't rush things. Be friends with her and see where it goes.

asking · Feb 11, 2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

I might also suggest that you ask her out on a date date,yeah know movie, dinner, that sort of thing.She might just get the impression you just want to hang out and not really do much.That's kind of a drag. Be up front and ask what is happening,its the only way to know for sure.Guessing just causes confusion.

Good Luck!

I had the same thought. She might have been slightly offended that you didn't call back right away after her kissing you and all your invitations are last minute and things you are doing anyway.

Take a chance and invite her to do something more formal with just you that you are not going to do unless she comes too. And ask in advance. If you ask for a Friday night and she's busy, check back with another date. If she still says no, ask her if you should keep trying. Be more direct and more polite than you have been so far.

BimmerGuy · Feb 11, 2009, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

I would just hang out and don't rush things. Be friends with her and see where it goes.

Agreed. I will simply see what happens. Since we have many of the same friends that will happen regardless.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

I had the same thought. She might have been slightly offended that you didn't call back right away after her kissing you and all your invitations are last minute and things you are doing anyway.

Take a chance and invite her to do something more formal with just you that you are not going to do unless she comes too. And ask in advance. If you ask for a Friday night and she's busy, check back with another date. If she still says no, ask her if you should keep trying. Be more direct and more polite than you have been so far.

I understand. I've never meant to be "rude" or not very polite (I've always been the guy who is almost too polite) but probably have slipped a little. We both have kind of hacked around this so I will just see what plays out.

ArtLady: thanks for the comment! I never tried to sound "last minute" but it was something that I just thought of would be fun and really it was kind of out of the blue. I felt I phrased it in a "I'd really like it if you could come" way, not "if you want to tag along" way. Giving a bit more heads up time definitely seems like the best way to go about things now. Still training myself to be in "dating" mode not "just call up the g/f to do whatever" mode...

The Good: I'm back out dating! The Bad: I'm back out dating.

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