OK, here's the deal...

I met this AMAZING girl back in March. In May, she came over one night, and told me that she was completely in love with me, and that I make her feel like nobody else ever has before. She said that she wanted desperately to move in with me, because it hurts her to be away from me for any amount of time. About a week after that, I got kicked out of my apartment and had to find a new one. We found one together, and she signed the lease with me. I explained to her beforehand that it's not a game, and not to sign it if she thought it was. She told me she'd be moved in by Halloween, which I thought was reasonable. Well, it's now September, and she has not said a single thing to her parents about moving in with me. She says she doesn't know when she'll be able to. She says she doesn't have the "balls" as she puts it, to stand up to her parents. By the way, she's 21, and I'm 24.

Up to this point, she has been helping me pay for the rent here, helping with the bills, etc. She's not showing any signs of not wanting to pursue this relationship further. How long should I sit here and wait for her? I love her more than anything in the world, but I can't help feeling like she's been dragging me along up to this point as far as moving in is concerned. To this day, she tells me, in her own words, that she "wants this so bad she can taste it." She lives about an hour away from me, and comes out to see me every single night after work, which is like 12am or so. I don't understand her reasoning behind this, and I need someone else's opinion, because every single time I bring it up to her, she breaks down crying, knowing that I'll stop talking about it because I'm in love with her, and don't want to see her crying. Someone help!

deathgoddess388

I had the same problem I have a hard time standing up to my parents you should just wait the boyfriend that just broke up with me waited for a year and a half and we broke up cause he could not wait anymore trust me it will hurt her if u give up and she will have a hard time healing. So keep strong if you love this girl then wait til she is strong enough to stand up for herself comfort her and tell her that you will be able to do this and it will happen.

XxSideshowPunkxX

I DO love this girl, but isn't there some kind of limit? I don't want to hurt her, but it's hurting ME playing this little game with her. We actually just had a long talk about it last night, and still nothing has changed. I would be more than willing to keep waiting, but the thing is that it doesn't exactly seem like she EVER plans on doing anything about this. I don't want to put it this way, but it's starting to feel like her dad has the money, and I'm just her little f*** toy. I guess I'm just going to have to sit here and wait for the rest of my life, until there's no more time left to wait.

N0help4u

My parents always made me feel like I wasn't allowed to do anything without their approval.
So if she is anything like I was she wants to wait til the last second because she has to live with them in the meantime and they WILL either put their foot down and say NO or they will spend the time nagging her about how bad her decisions are, she doesn't know what she is getting herself into, etc..... So it is just easier to wait til you don't have to have the daily try to make you feel guilty for going against them.
Have you told her that if she doesn't want to move in with you that you will still love her but you don't want to be left up in the air about it?
I think you should try and get her to tell you why Halloween? I think if you ask her that and she doesn't have an answer it might be she is stringing you along. She just might be afraid that if she says she doesn't want to move in you will give up on her and look for somebody else that will.
Keep talking and trying to get to the bottom of it. Halloween is only about three weeks away so give her the time and space for now. Then Halloween if she still is procrastinating tell her she needs to start making some decisions.

Homegirl 50

I think she made a commitment she was not ready to make and does not know how to get out of it. I know I would not move in with a guy I've only been dating 6 months. She probably thought it was all so romantic at first, but she is probably not thrilled with shacking up.
I'll bet if you told her that you'd understand if she didn't want to move in with you, and that you will find a place on your own, she'd be OK with that.

Homegirl 50

Why don't you just get a place on your own anyway and be done with it. Nobody's making you stay there and take half of her money.

gbabe

She seems like a practical person,,when u really luv sumone, thoughts of a future with this person would definitely run thru ur mind..
U begin to weigh the pro’s and con’s of the future of the relationship..especially if ur the female,,who needs security in many senses,,financial,,emotional,etc,,

U know what,,maybe she is insecure hence unsure,,u say she splits d bills with you,,she makes all the effort to see you everyday 12am after work,,do you put in any effort in the relationship,besides paying ur share of rent/bills/making the effort to see her/show care for her safety,,she sees u 12am everyday?( yup its obvious u luv her alrite)..no offense intended ya

Its all this little things that will matter in her deciding if she’s doing the right thing,,sorry if im being brutally blunt,,but what is she going to tell her parents about u? oh ya, “I make an hours trip at 12am everynite to see the luv of my life,,and another thing,,I also pay half his rent/bills”??..
common, its totally unreal for someone who says he cares and luvs a girl..

I’m also saying this cos I just got out of a relationship becos of this,,I couldn’t explain to my parents why he was the one,,trust me he wanted to explain on my behalf,,but in ur heart u juz know, life is not just based on emotions,there's reality too,,

It hurt like hell to let him go,,but its better then a lifetime of insecurity,,

So stop asking her to move in with u,,show not tell her u care,,u want to give her security, u are able to take care of her,,trust me things will change

XxSideshowPunkxX

I'm not asking her anymore. I spend every cent of what I make on the bills here. I refuse her money every single time, and every single time she doesn't give me an option. The reason I don't go to see her is because I don't have a car. If I did, trust me, I would go see her a LOT. You all are right, now that I've been reading through all the responses. I guess I'm not good enough for her. She DOESN'T have a single thing to tell her parents about me. I wouldn't want to put her through a lifetime of insecurity, either. Maybe the best thing at this point would be to call things off with her? I've had my share of relationships, and even been married once before, but I've NEVER felt this way about someone else...even my ex wife. For those interested, NO this girl was not the "other woman," I never cheated on my wife, and I met this girl long after my wife left me for someone else. The whole reason I even started this post was not because she wouldn't move in with me. It was because I haven't gotten a reason why. It makes me feel like she's hiding some reason from me that she's afraid to tell me. I just want a DEFINITIVE answer, that's all. If she DOESN'T want to move in with me, then that's fine, but TELL ME! I don't think it's fair that I should be sitting here thinking about something that may never happen. There are no words to explain the kind of pain I would feel if I ever did let her go, but I guess it would be best for her. I'm backed against a wall, and I need all the help I can get with this situation. By the way, I want to thank all of you for the answers and advice. Believe it or not, it has helped me quite a bit with this.

N0help4u

I think you are good enough for her. I think she really really loves you or she wouldn't help you financially and she wouldn't come see you every night at midnight after she has worked.
I think it could even crush her that she invested her time, money and love into her and then would break up with her.
I really think she is afraid of her parents and you should let her love you in her own way and let her have the time to deal with how she is going to make the transition from her parents to you.

XxSideshowPunkxX

That's what I plan to do from this moment forward. You're right. Not all of us can just get up and leave our parents right away like I did. Some people need more time. Some people have different ways of dealing with it. I DO love her, more than anything or anyone else in the world, and I will wait for her. I will wait as long as it takes for her to feel comfortable making this change.

XxSideshowPunkxX

OK, so SHE brought this up in conversation like 2 days ago, and told me she doesn't know why she said Halloween. She told me she thought it would be easier to do than it turned out to be. She said she doesn't know when she'll be moved in. I've basically realized that I no longer have the emotional energy required to deal with a relationship. I just can't f***ing do it anymore. Not just with her, with ANYONE. I think I just want to be single. It's all too much of a headache. Mind you, I've never broken up with anyone before, but I don't know what's going to happen this time. I've been lied to for 7 months. It's our 7 month anniversary tomorrow. I guess it's time to do a LOT of serious thinking, huh?