Girlfriend wants to break up, but still loves me ? ?

mrbo · #1 Feb 7, 2008, 02:24 AM

Hiya,

Was just wondering if you could offer any advice on my situation ?

Im 28 and my girlfriend (now ex) is 26. Weve been together for just over 6 months now. I live about 70 miles away and only get to see her on the weekends. She is at school as a full time student and a photographer on the side.

Most of the time our weekends are great....time just flies by. I think were really compatable and we really have alot of fun together. Were interested in the same things (music, travelling, partying, adventures). Ive met her parents, went to her Grandmas for christmas and spent that there with her. Her family likes me and i dont really see any issues there.

About 2 months ago she said she wanted some "space" as she was stressed out alot with 3 deadlines at work (freelance photographer) aswell as her college and art projects. She said a week...which i did, but it was hard. Things then went back to "normal" and we saw each other regularly. Our sex life was great until last weekend where she just simply said "no".

Yesterday over the phone we were speaking and i noticed something wrong just in her mood and tone. I asked her about it and eventually got her to confess that she thinks were not right for each other. I asked her why...and she just said that she doesnt love me as much as a few weeks ago...and says she feels like were in a old couples marriage relationship already!! Ouch!

On one hand she says that, but in the same sentence she is saying that ive done nothing wrong, im a great boyfriend, and she still loves me and wants me in her life as a friend. I would bet that shes not seeing anyone else as she just doenst have the capacity for it, and i really really dont think shes that type of person.

She said that she loves me "so much" that she needs to let me go, as she feels that she cant give me what im looking for. She said that its easier to let me down now than in another 6 months. I just dont understand how she can think she loves me, but wants to get rid of me.

She also said sorry for knowlingly being so self centered, but shes been hurt brfore so i think this is a defense mechanism...but she said that she really needs to focus on herself.

I must admit that weve seen each other almost every weekend since weve met....i just dont know what to do, feel, say anymore....I got out of a messy divorce about a year and a half ago, where that completely ruined my life....and i vowed that i would never let myself get that low and depressed again, but im really feeling somewhat of the same right now.

My close friends just tell me to "play the game"...or "wait it out" and show her that you have a life too and dont NEED her....but im afraid if i dont contact her ill loose her forever.

Its been about 4 days now....ive sent her an email saying that id love to speak to her and to just give me a shout when shes ready.

Any advice would be great

thanks in advance

Mr B

HistorianChick · Feb 7, 2008, 10:59 AM

It truly sounds like she was being honest with you and that you are being honest in return. Maybe your relationship had gotten a little stale. Maybe she really does need to take some time for her and focus on her schooling and photography. Maybe she just wants to be woo-ed by you again, pursued, caught.

From this post, it seems that you two may just need a break. I think you did the right thing by emailing her and telling her to "give you a shout" when she's ready. That was a very good thing to do.

Maybe you need to re-establish with her the reasons why you had such a comfortable relationship. Be her friend. Don't be clingy, just be there. I don't think you need to do the whole no contact thing, because that wasn't what either of you wanted when you said you'd take a break.

Don't "play the game." Don't try and make her jealous. Simply be the friend that you are - that's why your relationship was all that it was... you two "fit." It truly seems like there is a deep love between the two of you - and that its mutual.

I'm actually looking forward to seeing other answers on this question because there are so many other ways to look at this situation.

mrbo · Feb 10, 2008, 01:02 AM

wow...thank you very much for the advice! Your answer seems to be the best one yet for my situation...i really think your right.

We spoke yesterday and she definitely wants to remain friends...and i could tell she was sad and it was hard for her to speak to me about this stuff again, but she said deep down it made her happier, more relaxed as she had so much work and school to get on with...

At the end of the day, i guess all i can be is happy that it ended like this instead of in a messy way.

I guess only time will tell...lets see whats around the next corner!! I may have found a new gf and its associated issues

Who knows ?

mrbo · Feb 10, 2008, 01:03 AM

heres another thread on the same topic with more replies HistorianChick:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...me-181306.html

mrbo · Feb 10, 2008, 01:12 AM

and u know what...she was always telling me that we "fit" so well...mentally, phisically, spiritually....funny you say it like this HistorianChick...

Today is my birthday, time to party and enjoy life

roogirl · Feb 10, 2008, 01:22 AM

G'day. When your friend told you to "wait it out" and show her that you have a life too and dont NEED her....pay attention, that's good solid advice. If you keep contacting her I can guarantee that you will push her away even further. She is the dumper, so the onus must be on her to make contact with you. If you contact her it will only make you look desperate.

The email you sent to her email saying that you'd love to speak to her when she's ready is also excellent. The ball is in her court now, and if you stay silent, you are sending her a clear message that you're not going to waste your time chasing after someone who just broke your heart.

If she doesn't have a change of heart, at least you now have the best opportunity to heal from the loss and eventually move on (with your dignity intact as well!). After a period of time, you won't even care whether you lose her forever or not.

You've handled this really well, congrats!

mrbo · Feb 10, 2008, 01:24 AM

thanks

I deff agree with:

"If she doesn't have a change of heart, at least you now have the best opportunity to heal from the loss and eventually move on. After a period of time, you won't even care whether you lose her forever or not."

Thank you for the advice

roogirl · Feb 10, 2008, 01:26 AM

No worries mate, I know exactly how you feel, I was dumped in the recent past as well.

mrbo · Feb 10, 2008, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roogirl

No worries mate, I know exactly how you feel, I was dumped in the recent past as well.

Sorry to hear

Hope your finding it ok to deal with as it can be hard....dont we know...lol!

Greets to the other side of the pond

E



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