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cmptitantic · Apr 5, 2007, 07:56 AM

Hey All, I needed some advice on an issue. I have a b-day party for my nephew this Saturday that I and my girlfriend will be attending. After the party I have a wedding to go to for one of my co-workers. My girlfriend does not want to go because it is her sister’s birthday and she’s going out to eat with her family. She attending one of my other co-workers wedding and said that the other people I work with who are all female were not making her feel comfortable. Like not talking to her, looking at her and things like that. I admitted 1 of the females I work with did like me but I would never do anything. Should I be upset she’s not coming or is it not a big deal. She keeps telling me she does not feel comfortable going and mentions it’s her sister’s b-day. Does this sound right?? I really didn’t care at first but friends of my are telling me that it’s not right. So I wanted some outside views…. Thanks

Synnen · Apr 5, 2007, 08:07 AM

It's YOUR co-worker vs HER sister.

Guess what? Family comes first.

If I were her, I'd be upset with you for going to your nephew's birthday party then skipping her sister's birthday for a co-worker. That smacks of your family being more important than hers, or your co-workers being more important.

Look--women are catty. If one of your co-workers likes you, the rest of them, who probably don't know your girlfriend all that well, are going to side with the co-worker against your girlfriend. No wonder she feels shut out and uncomfortable! She also probably has nothing in common with them and therefore they don't talk to her. Have you tried siding with her against them, and sticking to her side, and being attentive when you have to be around them?

Your friends think it's not right that she doesn't go to this wedding of a perfect stranger (to her) over going out with her family for her sister's birthday? I think your friends have some old-fashioned ideas about what girlfriends are and aren't "supposed" to be doing.

If you want to go to the wedding, and she wants to go out with her sister---great!

cmptitantic · Apr 5, 2007, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

It's YOUR co-worker vs HER sister.

Guess what? Family comes first.

If I were her, I'd be upset with you for going to your nephew's bday party then skipping her sister's birthday for a co-worker. That smacks of your family being more important than hers, or your co-workers being more important.

Look--women are catty. If one of your co-workers likes you, the rest of them, who probably don't know your girlfriend all that well, are going to side with the co-worker against your girlfriend. No wonder she feels shut out and uncomfortable! She also probably has nothing in common with them and therefore they don't talk to her. Have you tried siding with her against them, and sticking to her side, and being attentive when you have to be around them?

Your friends think it's not right that she doesn't go to this wedding of a perfect stranger (to her) over going out with her family for her sister's birthday? I think your friends have some old-fashioned ideas about what girlfriends are and aren't "supposed" to be doing.

If you want to go to the wedding, and she wants to go out with her sister---great!

Well I hear what your saying with that. Here is the thing when it comes to her family I try to do all I can example last Saturday was my moms birthday and I was going to give her a gift but her cousins from MD was coming in that day and I was invited so I changed my plans till Sunday so I could spend the day with her family. So I do want to do things also for her. This is the reason I am looking for advice I want to talk to someone who has no loyalty to me or her. I guess I also put thought into it cause her first answer was yes that she's going to come but we got into a fight and did not speak for like a week and after that she decided not to come. The only reason why I was a little confused was also is all there going to do is going out to eat and then going there separate ways here sister is going out with her boyfriend and my g/f anna is going to go out with her friends...

Synnen · Apr 5, 2007, 08:27 AM

But the thing is... she's made it clear that she's not comfortable with your co-workers.

Why would she want to go someplace she's not comfortable?

Honestly... if you want fair, then go out with her family for dinner for her sister's birthday, put in a half hour appearance together at the wedding reception, then go out together and do something just the 2 of you.

However, since she has plans with her friends, she may not be willing to agree to that at this point.

johnny-b-good · Apr 5, 2007, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by cmptitantic

Hey All, I needed some advice on an issue. I have a b-day party for my nephew this Saturday that I and my girlfriend will be attending. After the party I have a wedding to go to for one of my co-workers. My girlfriend does not want to go because it is her sister’s birthday and she’s going out to eat with her family. She attending one of my other co-workers wedding and said that the other people I work with who are all female were not making her feel comfortable. Like not talking to her, looking at her and things like that. I admitted 1 of the females I work with did like me but I would never do anything. Should I be upset she’s not coming or is it not a big deal. She keeps telling me she does not feel comfortable going and mentions it’s her sister’s b-day. Does this sound right??? I really didn’t care at first but friends of my are telling me that it’s not right. So I wanted some outside views…. thanks

I think it is OK, because if you really care about her than just tell her have fun with her sisters b-day.

cmptitantic · Apr 5, 2007, 10:52 AM

Thanks all any other opionions would be greatlyy appreciated thanks!!