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chillin95060 · Jun 2, 2008, 08:49 AM

I have been with my girl for a little under a year, the relationships a little rocky she judges me frequently and says she doesn't like a lot of things about me, at times I feel like she honestly dislikes me because of how much she judges, and criticizes me. And I could deal with it if she would just show me the love that she knows I want. I feel unsatisfied in the affection department, she rarely hugs or kisses me with me having to ask, and I usually have to beg her to cuddle in bed with me "when ill hold her and get real close she'll say I'm too close, and that I'm smothering her.Shouldn't girls want to get close be loving and affectionate. Cause I don't think I should have beg her to hug and cuddle with me.

rainmonkies · Jun 2, 2008, 09:15 AM

I can definitely feel where she's coming from. NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOU!! PROMISE!! Just saying that I know there are sometimes when I don't feeling like being touched or being lovey dovey with my baby.

One suggestion, when she is least expecting it (like when she's doing dishes or doing her hair) walk up behind her, place your hands very gently on her hips and kiss her neck. If she starts to say something just let her say it then whisper you love her in her ear and walk off. Then go watch TV or something and don't make it seem like you want any attention from her.

I hope this help out a bit. I know it does with us a lot of the time. Take care and good luck!

JBeaucaire · Jun 2, 2008, 10:03 AM

Your honeymoon period is over. You two are now in the stage of judgements. This is normal and necessary.

THIS is the time when you two should be taking copious notes and being harshly honest about what you see. The lists you make aren't about what you don't like and "she has to change". No, the list is about the things you don't like and "can you live with this forever?"

See the difference? You can't complain or pout or manipulate someone else into changing their nature. They have to do that themselves for their own reasons. Sometimes they do, usually they don't.

The only thing you can do is examine YOUR willingness to live with it... indefinitely, if not forever.

Also, notice I'm not talking about feelings at all? You've been together a year, you love each other... blah blah. I get it. But relationships succeed or fail in the lists department.

If you can make a list of all the things you dislike/hate about your "loved" one, then can HONESTLY SAY "I can live with that forever."... then you're good to go.

If you can't, well, you know what comes next. You can't change her, but you can change your availability.

jenn4094u · Jun 2, 2008, 08:02 PM

Ever Heard Of That Book For Wemon Called " He's Just Not That Into You"? Read It And Apply It To Your Situation... I'm Sorry To Hear You're Not Getting What You Need But The Responsibility For Your Happiness Lies Within You... not Her Hugs And Cuddles

cyclechick · Oct 11, 2011, 04:15 AM

I think you deserve a better girlfriend. This isn't doing anything for your self-esteem. Or suggest counselling.

cyclechick · Oct 11, 2011, 04:22 AM

Sounds like she is on a different emotional wavelength.This can't be good for yourself esteem. Is she using you until she gets someone else? She sounds very hurtful. Imagine putting up with that for 10 years. Either seek counselling or find someone who is normal and who can give affection. Her behaviour is encouraging an affair, that's how serious it is.