Hi you guys, Im 21 yrs old so I dnt have whole alot of experience w/ dating, but Ive been dating this guy for a couple of mos, and I really like him alot, he's really cute and he's has a good personality,the only thing is he's a different nationality then I am, so it hasn't been easy for me, because i constantly feel uncomfortable when we go out in public, I feel like everyone is starring at us, and I get alot of mean looks from ppl, and I see ppl whispering and things, I even get made fun of by my friends, but they say there just kidding , but it bothers me, now when we're alone its fine, i just cant take the feeling that i get when were out in public, i know that sounds bad but i cant help the way i feel, and i even asked him if he feels the same way, and he says no he likes the attention, which kinda worries me, is he just using me using me for his own thrill?keep in mind i never dated out my race before, because of my parents thoughts about it, and I know that I shouldnt care what others think, but I do, is this relationship worth pursuing ,does any one have any thoughts or can relate to my problem, i'd really appreciate any feedback !!!

rpg219

Yes...I have related to this before. I was am a white female and was married to a black male. Let me tell you....it gets worse, not better. The only way around this is either quit now or have a stronger spine to fight off all of the racists we have in this world.

Something you really need to think about......is this relationship worth losing all of your family and friends? Unfortunately, by the sound of things, this could happen. (It did to me)

Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with biracial relationships, but you need to be able to look a this realistically.....write the pros and cons down....take a look at the results. Also, take a long look at your cons list...because these are things you will have to face everyday.

excon

Hello K:

I'm not a racist. I do admit to being shallow, though. Like you, I'd have a hard time confronting OTHER people’s racism on a daily basis. So, I wouldn't put myself in a position to HAVE to deal with it.

excon

rpg219

I agree with you on that Excon!

Wait...the confronting part...not you being shallow, heeheehee

Allheart

Hi Sweetie,

It's normal to have those questions, especially being so young.

Truth? I would not dare let people who have "issues" prevent me from what potentially could be great happiness.

Love comes in so many colors and can over come a great deal. True love is strong. If the only thing that changed about my husband was his race....and I stayed away from him because of it, I would have lost out on being truly loved. Because his skin is a different color then mine.

I know you didn't say you are in love, but you do like this guy and he makes you happy. I don't see a reason to walk away from that .

People (with issues), will whipser about anything these days. If this guy treats you like a lady, makes you smile inside and out, don't deny yourself of that and don't question his motives, that's not really fair to him.

My sister married outside our race (her second marriage), Oh Mom did the grumble grubmle thing, but now she only sees my brother-in-law for who he is and not his race.

I love my brother in law so much for being good to my sister and I always will. How sad it would be if that smile on her face wasn't there because she turned away because of what other's would say.

Relationships can be difficult - but if you found common ground, go and be happy and enjoy yourself. Just know that there are people who may not understand
but they need to deal with that on their time, not yours.

Now go and be young and happy - Your happiness just may be catchy

wewed100606

THis is just my opinion and advice. I have never been in a position like this so I cannot relate on that front. I think it is a more general problem though.

I think you are insecure with your decision to date this person and therefore are more succeptable and paranoid to others' actions and feelings.

I think you should hang in there if you like the guy. It will get better if you love him, because YOU will stop seeing him as a different race and instead he will just be the man you love. Soon after you won'tcare what people are thinking or saying.

It doesn't matter who you are dating or married to. All of your friends and family will never approve...it is just life and people have their opinions.

"You cannot please everyone!" So worry about the only one who counts...you!

I guarentee once you get over it, so will alot of other people, and the ones who don't get over it...shouldn't matter to you.

Either "man up" and stand by your feelings, or get out before you hurt the guy severely. He deserves someone who sees him for him, not as "my boyfriend who is a different race".

wewed100606

It i kind of like the whole power of suggestion thing.

If you know you have a huge zit on your nose...all of a sudden EVERYONE is staring at it!

But if you have something in your teeth and don't know it, everyone IS staring at it, but you don't notice and your friend has to whisper to ya :-)

s_cianci

I've always said that there's two kinds of racism in the world ; hating someone because of the color of their skin, and loving them for the same reason. Your boyfriend's admission that he "likes the attention" is a definite red flag. I'm not going to assert with certainty that his motives aren't aboveboard or that this relationship is definitely doomed but be mindful and wary, especially since you're experiencing some doubts yourself. Your friends' "kidding" may be their way of trying to warn you that this guy might have ulterior motives that are not in your best interests.

Allheart

Yikes,

I missed all that. I was just assuming the boyfriend is young (20, 21 just like the OP )
and what young man doesn't like all that attention?

Even if they are the same race, if they are getting attention, they seem to thrive on it.

I do understand what you mean though. Krazy, you will have to judge in those quiet moments, when the attention is gone, how is he then and how does he make you feel then?

I think guys in that age range have thoughts all over the place in general. We see it here all the time.

As the others so wisely pointed out...just be watchful and careful not to get your feelings hurt, but I would tell you that, at your age, regardless of what the young man looked like.

So, I guess I still am not seeing it as clear as the others.

Eyes, open, heart, partly open and use your head at all times

krazycee07

thank you all for your feedback, i really needed some advice, because i cant really talk to ne 1 i know about it, and i get what u guys are saying about not letting other ppl issues and racism stop me from being happy I tell myself that all the time, but its hard to me, because ive always been the type of person that let ppl opinions of me get to me, but thats somthing that i really have to work on, and rpg219 i really appreciate your advice because you can personally relate to what im going through,and i hate to hear that it will get worse , but i knew that it would , because i havnt told my parents about him yet, because we're not like in love or anything, but we are dating exclusively, and i know that when they do find out about him, there not going to be happy at all, but that something i will have to deal with in the future, and i will really consider what u said about writing the pros and cons about being in this relationship and determining from there if i want to continue this relationship w/ him , and also s_cianci i get what your saying about me being carefull about his attentions, and i have, he treats me really good all the time no matter where we are, and thats what i like about him, so hopefully im not just a thrill for him, but thats also something that i have to talk to him about because it does worry me.