My ex boyfriend broke up with me two monthes ago...the whole situation is very complicated...we were getting along great and he was scheduled to leave for college. He was driving to meet me for dinner when a young boy ran out in the road and my boyfriend struck annd killed him. Three weeks later he left for college...everything started to get different...he broke up with me and it was hard but i wanted to give him space...since the breakup he is doing everything he can to hurt me...he calls me when he is drunk and says he loves me...then says i mean nothing. Most recently he says he is mean because he can be....i still love him and feel that his behavior has to do with the accident but he will not get help.....what can i do?

chuff

You can only do one thing to help him. Only one. He is in tremendous emotional pain that has nothing to do with you. He is carrying around tremendous grief for killing a child. He needs help. Professional help that only a therapist can provide. The only thing you can do is get a phone book make some numbers and give them to him. The reality is he's going to keep lashing out to you or someone else until he comes to grips with this.

I used to work with a woman who was hit by drunk driver and the driver died. Even though the other person was drunk, and at fault for the accident she never really got over it. She would bring it up every now and then and you could tell it pained her. The reality is he may not ever get over it. You can't help him by sticking around and taking his emotional outbursts.

He needs help from a therapist. He needs time to figure it out. Leaving college was, I believe, a good decsion until he gets help. Give him the numbers to therapist, and explain that your not a verbal punching bag because he's hurting. By lashing out he's looking for help. Give him the numbers and if he denies walk away. You can't be held down or an accident he was involved in.

chuff

"tesianicole agrees: It gave me the feeling that i had done all the right things and he now had to make some steps."

My guess it your sticking around hoping he'll get over this and things will be back to normal. I'm not saying he can't overcome it but if he uses you as a verbal punching bag that only make you upset and he doesn't focus on the real problem. He's lashing out, and to be honest, I'm not going to knock him for it. He's in pain. But he had a negative life changing experience and he's absolutely lost and confused how to deal with it. I hit a cat about 6 years ago and even I still think about that sometimes. I can't imagine hitting and killing a child. I won't even pretend to know the pain. He can manage it but it is going to take a therapist to give him some steps and guide him. Beating himself up or those around him isn't going to bring the child back. Maybe he needs to hear someone say that. The fact that the child's parents weren't watching him is not his fault. He needs to hear that. He many not accept it at first but it's a reality that needs to be given to him so he can eventually accept it.

s_cianci

He may indeed be quite traumatized by the accident. Unfortunately he's not handling it in a constructive manner. He has a lot on his plate right now. I'd back off and give him space. Move on with your life and don't worry about him. You can't be his rescuer ; he has to help himself in that regard and it's not your responsibility.

Jesushelper76

I would say just love him. Forgive him and let him go. I do believe that this behaviour is from the accident as well. This will be on his concience for the rest of his life. That he killed somebody. Honestly if that happened to me, even it being an accident I do not think I could live with myself.

You can try to help him as much as you can, but the only person that can make changes, the only person that can change this reaction is him, himself. No one can do it for him. If he does not want to change for himself then he wont. That is not your problem to worry about.

Joe

seniorzkickbutt06

i was in nearly the same situationa while ago and even though i loved him i first had to get back at him for my hurt so i talked to him alot telling him how my life was going and that it was wonderful and going good. I never got a mad or sad tone with him when i talked to him and eventually his little act straightened out and we were back together not too long after that.

tesianicole

I really love him but i can't stand the mean streak he has had since the accident...what hurts is that i have been nothing but respectful to him and supportive...how long did it take for your boyfriend to come around? It has been three monthes and things are getting worse, not better

seniorzkickbutt06

it took my ex boyfriend about 1/2 a year to a year....if he doesn't come around then he's not the one for you...what i failed to mention was that although my ex-boyfriend did turn around i had to let him go cause i knew it wasn't going to work out. It broke my heart because i loved him sooooooooooo much but i knew for the better i had to let him go. its better to love and let go than to love and hurt more.