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I "met" a man on a dating site a few months ago. We are a bit far from each other so we have not met yet. We are not kids anymore
At the beginning he was too fast for me, sending tons of emails every day, then we started to communicate on the phone and webcam. But he disappeared several times, reappering as if nothing happened. When he does, he calls me every night... He even asked me if I wanted to get married again etc... He talked about a trip to meet, but not anymore.
I can see he sends silent signals, but if I have read a lot of litterature and advice about "normal" dating, I see nothing about online. I have no idea if he sees other women and what he is doing when he disappears.
He is a nice guy, intelligent, full of humor, and I would like to get his attention back. I am not really interested in anyone else. Any advice would be appreciated.
It sounds like you are more of a hobby to him. Something to do when he is bored...
I'm sorry so harsh, just saying what it appears to me.
I would suggest if you are going to try online dating, to find someone that lives closer to you. You can meet earlier on, go on dates....I think dating sites are meant to introduce you to a possible mate. Not to intiate and form a relationship online.
Hi Nat
Obviously you want to pursue this relationship so I'm wondering where you see it heading? Have YOU asked to meet in person? Perhaps a 'real life' meeting is the next logical step and would also provide an opportunity for your current uncertainty to be addressed?
I get the impression that you may be taking all your cues from him and allowing him to set the tone/pace of the relationship. Perhaps you need to take greater initiative so that you too can get your needs met (and have those unanswered questions answered!)?
I met my fiancee online, so been through it. In my expierence, my fiancee lived three states away from me. And we talked to eachother for a good 4 months before we met eachother, our first meeting was incredible and with no akwardness because by that point we already "knew" eachother, it felt natural like we had this relationship for a really long time. I think online dating tends to get a bad rap but relationships, good relationships, do come out of them.
But with us, we were up front and honest with eachother in the very beginning. There weren't anytimes of him or I being in contact and then not being in contact (out of nowhere) at least not without letting eachother know about it. We really truely loved eachother and the momment he said I love you, he also said he was giving up other woman for me.
In your situation, its hard to read. Maybe he doesn't want to be as serious as you want him to. Or maybe his lifestyle is such where he cant spend as much time online as he would like with you. At the very least he should be letting you know why he "disappears" then reapears". I think he does at least owe you that curtosey. It may have nothing to do with dating other woman either. Your best bet is just talking to him. Ask him where he thinks this may be going for you both. He seems to obviously care for you, and be upfront and ask if he's dating other woman. Its for your benefit and your heart. Its better to know and realize the kind of relationship it is then to not know and think its serious when to him it isn't. Online dating is harder than regular dating because your only access to that person is computer, or phone. So talk to him about these concerns, you deserve to know.
For reasons I cannot explain here, I cannot find someone near me (kind of deserted island if you wish) .
At the beginning he sent me 10 emails a day with flowers and kisses and hugs, and he talked about a trip (in Dec), that's just afterwards he disappeared for the first time, and he said he had computer issues, and his son was visiting. Then he disappeared a second time around NY, saying he had family. Still computer issues, but I can see he goes to the site.
We started with phone and webcam, we spend hours talking, and we have a lot to talk about. He said he L... me, and I put the brakes on, he cannot say that so early. But now, he appears less and less, never during the weekend, I asked him clear questions, he answers with jokes. that's why I don't know what to do. He is like a snake, you cannot get hold on him. When I ask about the trip he says he has no time, he has to work... he can come on a weekend! so he doesn't seems as motivated.
Thanks, Bizy, I think that's what should happen, so I am more concerned. And we are not young, so I don't want to waste my time. I do not want anything as such, he wanted more than I and faster.... But he asked me, and seems concerned, if I have another man. He said he wants honesty, but I don't feel he is so.
I think we could get along, we talk and laugh a lot, well... when he is there, so Dale, what do you suggest now that I said a bit more? Do I ask him until I get an answer, next time we are on the phone... although people advising on normal relationship say not to push, not to try to convince (I will certainly not), be funny etc... Hard in this situation
He may of course be chatting online to several girls, or have a real life girlfriend back home. Or even a wife and family. Many married men date online looking to find sexual partners, they know all the words and promises to make untill it is time to actually do any of them.
So you have to be careful.
If you meet, always consider doing it in public places an keep the date safe to what you are ready for.
People can say whatever they want over the net, so how would you know if they were honest or not? They are putting their best foot forward, so I advice caution, in online dating, and don't just believe anything you hear, without checking it out. Protect yourself, as there are many predators, and those with there own agendas, out there. I think your wise, to question his honesty.
As many know I meet and married my lovely wife online, we just happened to bump into each other on ICQ ( don't even know if they exist anymore)
But I did meet and date abou 8 or so other ladies, and I am sure some must have had thier ideas about me, but I will tell you there were some real nut cases. Ones idea of a first date wouild have invovled whips and chains, another one wanted to start picking out wedding dresses on the first date, another one turned out to be a witch who said she put a spell on me so I could never leave her. And another one I dated for a couple of months started to track my carrerr, ( OK I would have a great job today with her) and one was married and her husband a truck driver, which explained why she was not available at certain times.
But in talking with alot of women who date online, I have sadly found they tell the same story, many meet men who only wanted sex and then they never heard from them again, sorta a game to score as many times as you can. I found many meet men who ended up being married.
So in this do you have his work address and phone number, if you call his work do you say hello I am calling for ..... this is his girl friend.
That will divide up many real fast.
Do you have his home phone number not just his cell number, do you have his home address and have you ever mailed things there also.
** and have you checked online to see if this is his home address not a UPS store mail drop.
Now with that said there are many just lonely people who do have trouble meeting people in real life out there, just for everyone good one there is 10 goof balls.
Do I ask him until I get an answer, next time we are on the phone... although people advising on normal relationship say not to push, not to try to convince (I will certainly not), be funny etc... Hard in this situation
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