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Dating an older 'separated' man

Asked Jul 6, 2012, 03:48 PM — 9 Answers
I started seeing an older man for 3&1/2 months He told me he was 35 with 2 children and separated from his ex of 10yrs although still living together due to owning the house. Six weeks later he told me he was 46 and that his children were older and that he had been with his ex for 18 years. Another six weeks later he told me he was married. He tells me that he loves me and loves wat we have together but his situation is complicated as he is waiting for her to move out as they don't get on and he waiting for the right time to finalise things cus he doesn't want to lose his house or his kids . He tells me he has spoken with his mom about me and that he wants me to meet her and he'd love to me to meet his children but he wants it to be the right time 'so they dont hate me'.I only see him when he finishes work and can't speak or txt him when he gets home cus he's scared of his kids finding out, even thou he says he sleeps on the sofa. I have doubts and s Advice needed no abuse though.

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9 Answers
J_9's Avatar
J_9 Posts: 37,071, Reputation: 25675
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#2

Jul 6, 2012, 03:51 PM


The answer to this dilemma is obvious. He is off limits to you until his divorce is final and he can show you the finalized divorce paperwork.
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odinn7's Avatar
odinn7 Posts: 4,563, Reputation: 4822
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#3

Jul 6, 2012, 03:53 PM
I think he's just playing you. He lied to you about his age and situation and I think he's also lying about divorce. He may want it but not bad enough that he's going to do it. Happens all the time.
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Confused_87's Avatar
Confused_87 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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#4

Jul 6, 2012, 03:54 PM
I didn't pursue him. And I am 26 with two young children. I know it isn't an ideal situation but I love this man. He told me that he will slow things down with me and just be cuddles but I feel infatuated by him so that's almost impossible. I didn't intentionally start the relationship with him it just happened.
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Confused_87 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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#5

Jul 6, 2012, 03:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
The answer to this dilemma is obvious. He is off limits to you until his divorce is final and he can show you the finalized divorce paperwork.
Any advice on doing so. It makes it harder cus he works round the area that I live and also works in my street.
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Homegirl 50's Avatar
Homegirl 50 Posts: 8,917, Reputation: 10933
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#6

Jul 6, 2012, 04:46 PM


You have been seeing this man three weeks and you love him!. He has lied to you twice about his situation and chances are he is lying now.
You tell the guy you don't care to see or talk to him again until he is no longer married You don't answer any phone calls or text.
I think this guy is playing you.
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J_9's Avatar
J_9 Posts: 37,071, Reputation: 25675
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#7

Jul 6, 2012, 04:58 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
You have been seeing this man three weeks and you love him!.
3 1/2 months!
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Homegirl 50's Avatar
Homegirl 50 Posts: 8,917, Reputation: 10933
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#8

Jul 6, 2012, 05:02 PM
I meant 3 months. That is no time at all, especially given the fact that he has been lying to her and tells her something different every six weeks or so.
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Homegirl 50's Avatar
Homegirl 50 Posts: 8,917, Reputation: 10933
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#9

Jul 6, 2012, 05:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused_87 View Post
I didn't pursue him. And I am 26 with two young children. I know it isn't an ideal situation but I love this man. He told me that he will slow things down with me and just be cuddles but I feel infatuated by him so that's almost impossible. I didn't intentionally start the relationship with him it just happened.
He pursued you with a lie. He wanted a girl friend.
Leave this married man alone.
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J_9's Avatar
J_9 Posts: 37,071, Reputation: 25675
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#10

Jul 6, 2012, 05:04 PM
This is a relationship that was doomed to fail from the beginning. The OP needs to move on before this ends up hurting her children as well.
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