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I have been seening a married man for almost 7 years. Well he's wife left him to live with her lover 10 years ago. We have lived together for the last year and a half. I Love him very much, but I am sick of being a married man's girlfriend. I do not want to marry him, but after all this time I need him to get a divorce, as I constqntly feel as if I am second best. He say's I am NO 1 and that it's only a pies of paper, and that they have just never got around to it. So I ask myself what's the problem. Can anyone help! My heart is breaking. We are not kid's, he is 61 yrs old I am a bit younger, Im not sayng by how much! We have now broken up. I know he loves me . Why is he letting our love die, that's what I feel is happening.
I agree with you, he should make things official. He might not want to spend the money on a divorce, but it is important for a number of reasons. He may only feel it is a piece of paper, but it is more than that. If it were me, I would tell him that the time has come to make things official, and he should be willing to do so. Tell him if he wants to be with you, you insist that he finish the divorce. Explain that although he may not feel it is important, it hurts you very much that he refuses. Hopefully, if he understands how badly he is hurting you, he will do so. If not, you will have to decide if this is something you can live with or not. I really hope things work out!
my grandparents refused to divorce... they were separated for years, and even became quite ugly to each other (at least she was to him)... but he never divorced her for some reason. he had only a few relationships after, none as serious as yours...
but for some reason divorce just wasnt going to happen, no matter how absolutely far apart they were.
Looks like you have two choices accept him on the terms you have been with him on
or leave him and don't look back unless or until he decides to get the divorce.
I don't think you should take it as meaning second best.
Some people, especially his age, have a hang up about divorce they still view it as a taboo
even after all these years. He hasn't been with her all those years so I highly doubt his reasons for not wanting a divorce has anything to do with her or any love.
PASSATT disagrees: of no help at all tottally missing the point.
you would do well to follow the rules. disagrees are meant for "factual" errors, not differences in opinion, though it does happen. getting off to a lousy start for someone who wants the help of others. toss enough disagrees around when people are looking to help you work through something and you might just be left alone.
i do get your point. my point was that my grandparants, who didnt even live together, didnt even like each other, would not divorce. this was 15 years ago. they had every reason to ditch the titles...even when my grandfather was in another relationship... there was some odd mental hangup about it... hmmm... maybe applicable?
i rarely get such an ill response for showing interest and concern.
welcome to the site. please abide my the rules. and perhaps be patient if you are able.
well the question is what has changed? it was ok before, right? or was it not ok, but you were willing to live with it? either is "acceptable".
if he gets the divorce and comes back to you, what are you then? are you not still his gf? just not the gf of a married man who isnt really married?
not to tick you off with yet another irrelevent fam story, but my great-grandparents (other side) separated, never divorced, and they both lived in long term relationships with other mates for decades. there was some mental stigma about divorce.
not saying he is doing whats right or wrong... personally, the marriage was left long ago, and i couldnt imagine keeping that paper intact if my mate did that.
so at this point you both are playing emotional chicken. you both are holding a piece of paper, that can be incredibly meaningful, but in this case irrelevent (or not?), between each other. and so who veers off first to save a relationship that seems to have been great?
the only other concern i have is issues of legal concern... living will type stuff.
There just seems like something is missing from this story. What happened that ended the relationship? Was it the fact that he won't get a divorce or something else?
Have you know the entire time that he was legally married? Did it recently become an issue for you?
When you talk to him - what reasons does he give you?
Personally, I would want my partner to be divorced so I could feel that he was 100% committed. I don't know that I would have moved in with him until that happened.
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