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    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 11, 2010, 09:43 AM
    Was dating a girl who lives with her ex husband.
    Hello all,

    I will try to be brief here... Met a girl, well she works somewhere that I am a client, and she gave me her #. I didn't call for a while, as I wasn't really sure if I was interested. Anyway, we finally started talking. She told me that she still lives with her EX HUSBAND, but they are NOT TOGETHER, and haven't been for a year. But she let him back in because she couldn't pay her rent.

    I was sleeping with someone else at the time, and I mentioned to her, please don't call me tonight because I'll be with this other person.

    We hung out in my car once or twice, talking. The third time she basically raped me in my car. Then came this jealousy over an ex GF on my Facebook. She couldn't understand that I am close to an ex GF from years ago. It almost ended right there, but it got smoothed out.
    So after that, she would come over to my place, we'd have sex. We'd text every day, all day. Then came a message, "i think i'm falling in love with you". Then a few weeks later, she tells me that she loves me.

    We never went anywhere. She never had time. I guess she didn't want to make her ex suspicious. She later told me that she had to deal with a lot of BS from him. After 3 months, she broke up with me, saying she doesn't have the time for a relationship. Her ex still wants to be with her, but she's told him that they will never be together. But she doesn't want to hurt him, while loving someone else, while they are living together. Her APT lease is up in October, this is when she is supposed to be getting away from him.
    She said, lets take the next few months and get to know each other better. I want to stay close to you until then. I still love you... bla bla bla...
    I asked her if I had a chance with her in the future, and she wouldn't say yes or no.

    I asked her a few days later if she wanted to be F buddies, she said YES. But it never happened. She would still text me, saying she missed me. But we never got together, except for a couple times, where she made plans to hang out with me the next day, then cancelled. That's something she does A lot!

    I then went nuts and was txting her asking too many questions about the break up and the future and how sad I am. Finally she told me that she needs a break from me, we're JUST FRIENDS for now, and as of now I don't see it going any further. We're not a good match for friends. I'm sorry. *** leave me alone. So I tried, but couldn't. Sent another 7 texts. She said this has to stop. So I finally stopped. A week went by, I contacted her again, and we're "txt friends" again. She said I never thought you were a bad guy, just needed to let things fade.

    I just WISH I could know if she actually cared about me. I'm sure she was just looking for an escape, and maybe she did fall for me, then got snapped back to reality somehow. I was very clingy. I am a depressed person, and have used prescription pills for this reason in the past. So when she came along, she made me happy, so I tried to make her my whole life. So sad I know.
    But the point is, I really want her, if not now, then in the future.
    Do I stay in contact with her and stay friends, or do I need to just let her go for good?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #2

    Aug 11, 2010, 10:04 AM

    Too much drama.

    The way I see it is, if she's willing to let her ex back in, she must still have hope to rekindle their marriage. If she really wanted to get over him properly, should would not let him back in, she would find someone else as a roommate. Saying that she needs him to pay rent is just another excuse.

    You're her "thing on the side". While she's working on possibly getting back with him, she has you to be her booty call. She's also deceiving her ex, by not letting him know about you. What other secrets is she keeping?

    Her words and her actions are not consistent. If she really loved you, she would not be a position to jepordize what you have. She would be fully committed and you wouldn't have so many doubts.

    Is that what you want?

    I suggest you find someone else that you can have a healthy relationhip with.
    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 11, 2010, 11:01 AM

    Thanks. I agree. I just believe in people too much...


    The thing is, I just don't understand why she had to tell me she was falling in love with me. Just to keep me around for a bit?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #4

    Aug 11, 2010, 12:00 PM

    You both were with exes and sexing each other on the side. Not a good combination.

    You both are confused and don't know what you want
    You should leave her alone and she you.
    pandead's Avatar
    pandead Posts: 280, Reputation: 228
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    #5

    Aug 11, 2010, 12:29 PM

    When I met my last boyfriend, I was living with my ex husband. We didn't have enough money for the divorce and 2 apartments so we chose to be "roommates"... with benefits, out of habit, too. Then I met that wonderful person and I fell madly in love with him. Just like that. Sweet, simple. It gave me a reason to change my life. I got financial help from my bank and my parents, paid for both parts of the divorce as a goodbye gift to my ex husband, helped him pack and it was all done.

    Did I care about that person? Yes, very much.
    Yet did I try to make it work with my husband? Definitely.
    Did I have doubts? Very often.
    What I'm trying to say is, it's a very hard situation for both parts. That guy had to wait over a year for me to get my life together and move out. He got tired of waiting, eventually. But when you care about someone, you work things out. It seems to me that she did care about you, just not enough to risk her entire life.

    I'm sure some of us did it before - I know I did - keeping someone you're not actually interested in around, just because they make you feel special. Of course you made her feel good (not only sexually) and she wanted that, as a bonus.

    As for my story, I got dumped at the end by the second guy, cried a lot and learned to heal. Because I know life gets better. I'm still in contact with my ex husband, he has a new girlfriend he's totally in love with. Everyone survives, somehow. You are stronger than you think. Now let her live her life, focus on yours and enjoy the ride :)
    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 11, 2010, 12:33 PM

    Yes, I have made up my mind to focus on me. I really need it...

    Thank u all.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Aug 11, 2010, 03:56 PM

    Please do, because putting all your eggs in her basket wasn't smart, and jumping from one female to another wasn't smart. And diving in head first, and getting overtaken by your lust wasn't smart... Getting involved with a female who lives with the ex, wasn't smart. Get my drift. Your decisions haven't been very..!
    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 11, 2010, 04:27 PM
    Seemed like a nice girl, sex was great, we were kind of similar, I was lonely, then I got attached.
    I don't know? And I admit I was wrong about the ex husband, but she convinced me there wasn't anything going on.
    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Aug 11, 2010, 04:27 PM
    Seemed like a nice girl, sex was great, we were kind of similar, I was lonely, then I got attached.
    I don't know? And I admit I was wrong about the ex husband, but she convinced me there wasn't anything going on.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #10

    Aug 11, 2010, 04:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by cepcep View Post
    Seemed like a nice girl, sex was great, we were kinda similar, I was lonely, then I got attached.
    I dunno?? And I admit I was wrong about the ex husband, but she convinced me there wasn't anything going on.
    That seems like a very flimsy to me. She was living with her ex and you were sleeping with yours. Neither of you should have been messing around with the other.
    I hope both of you leave each other alone.
    Shadowburn's Avatar
    Shadowburn Posts: 249, Reputation: 179
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    #11

    Aug 11, 2010, 04:51 PM

    She sounds totally flakey to me, the whole thing is just so messed up - she raped you in your car, she was falling in love with you while living with her ex and while you were sleeping with someone else etc. Are you sure she is not married? Since you never went anywhere.

    You insecurity and depression are much bigger issues here, you have to get that under control, because totally relying on someone else to make you whole and happy is a recipe for disaster. And also, being clingy and demanding is very, very unattractive.

    Forget all about her, you just don't need her drama in your life. Get yourself together, build the life that you'd enjoy, and the rest will take care of itself.

    Good luck.
    cepcep's Avatar
    cepcep Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Aug 12, 2010, 05:42 AM

    It wasn't my ex, just a friend.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #13

    Aug 12, 2010, 07:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by cepcep View Post
    It wasn't my ex, just a friend.
    Regardless. You both were sleeping with others and each other.
    Maybe she suffers from depression too.
    This whole thing was just messed up from the beginning.
    positiveparent's Avatar
    positiveparent Posts: 1,136, Reputation: 291
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    #14

    Aug 12, 2010, 08:19 AM

    Hi OP I dont think she and her husband had split up at all, I would say youve been her bonking partner, and she just felt like she wanted a bit of excitement, seems its a growing trend, theres even a website for them desperate housewifes, no strings attached sex in the daytime or when hubbys at work, I used to go to tupperware parties, !!! now they go to car parks for dogging sessions, and as stated bored housewives.

    I think youre best bet is to forget her, move on, shes cheated on her ex, or so say ex, shes bound to cheat on you as well.

    So just let it go and move on. Its the only sensible options really find a nice girl whose not married so has no baggage.

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