So, I recently (~2months ago) got out of a long term relationship (2 years). It hit me very hard and I came here asking for help. I received some great advice and I am thankful to all those who helped.
Recently I have been socializing with friends, and meeting new people. I met this girl a few days back and we went on a date yesterday. We went to a bar and had a drink. We talked for almost 2 hours. I noticed that she was into me because she kept on sitting closer, was interested in what I had to say, and played with her hair. Afterwards we went to a club and danced. She was very impressed with my dancing ability and we just had fun all night dancing. She still was interested in me because she felt very comfortable with me while dancing. She was touching my chest and enjoyed dancing close together. From there I took her home. At her place she took me inside to have me meet her roommates. They were all asleep. She showed me her place and came up to me to hug me. She placed her hands on my chest and was feeling up my arms and chest. As she hugged me she asked me when she was going to see me again. I told her hopefully real soon and that she could call me anytime. From there we proceeded back to the door. On the way there we stopped and she hugged me. She also went to give me a kiss on the cheek but I pulled her in and we started kissing. She was very much into it and we continued for a bit. She stopped and was breathing heavy and smiled. We continued to the door and we stopped again. We kissed for a bit more and we parted our ways.
Today I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert with me since I was invited by a friend. She told me she had to work until 10pm since she does babysitting as a side job on top of collegel, work, etc... I ended up not going because I chose to stay in and do homework because I have many assignments due real soon. I then texted her told her my my plans changed. I asked her if we could hang out after she got off work tonight. She texted me back and said that she needs to go to bed early tonight but would love to hang out real soon.
So here is my question.
Did she blow me off? Is she not interested in me? Was I too pushy or clingy by asking her 2 times?
What should I do? Should I wait for her to call back?
I asked a few of my girl friends and they told me that it is acceptable to ask what I asked her.
I don't feel bad or anything I just need to know what she is thinking.
Any help is appreciated.
On a side note though. To all the people that know me:
I am not looking for another relationship, I know I need to heal and take more time to myself before dating, and I know I need to stay true to myself and any woman I go on a date with.
So we went on another date last night and we just took time to talk about each other and get to know each other very well. We both seem very compatible and have many similar outlooks and interests. Today, we had lunch together and she told me how she called her ex and told him that she will not ever get back with him and that he should stop trying to contact her. Basically she broke up with him several months back and told him if he cleaned up his act (stop using drugs) that maybe she would give him a second chance. He did clean up but she still does not want to get back with him because there was more wrong with the relationship than just the drugs. She said that she is ready to continue getting to know me more and possibly entering a relationship.
Here is where I stand. I feel like her and I would get along very well and we could form a great relationship. I do not know right now if I am ready to invest my time into another relationship. I really enjoy the freedom I have right now as a single person. But I also do like this girl and feel like we could have a great relationship. I invested my entire self into the last relationship and lost a part of myself. I do not want for this to happen again. Also, I am affraid of committment. In my last relationship we had intamacy and passion but no committment. If I were to be in another relationship I would love to have all three. I do not want to invest my time again and just be heartbroken again just because a girl cannot be committed. I know it is hard for college aged students to be committed but I feel it is an important quality that I seek.
Sounds as though you could both use some non-commital time. What is the harm in just dating without all that serious relationship talk?
And, I could be wrong, but it sounds like your projecting...You cant compare new interests to old. When you do, it taints how you think about the other person. Stunts any growth you could share.
I think you might want some more time... You are still healing.
She might be using you as a rebound. When you enter a relationship, enter it without thinking about the future. Don't project anything. You may well get heartbroken, heck you will get heartbroken, but everytime you'll become stronger until you find that right person for you. Tell her, you just want to stay very close friends with her and take it from there. Be slow, very slow.
Here is where I stand. I feel like her and I would get along very well and we could form a great relationship. I do not know right now if I am ready to invest my time into another relationship. I really enjoy the freedom I have right now as a single person. But I also do like this girl and feel like we could have a great relationship. I invested my entire self into the last relationship and lost a part of myself. I do not want for this to happen again. Also, I am affraid of committment. In my last relationship we had intamacy and passion but no committment. If I were to be in another relationship I would love to have all three. I do not want to invest my time again and just be heartbroken again just because a girl cannot be committed. I know it is hard for college aged students to be committed but I feel it is an important quality that I seek.
The first part of this paragraph you explain why you KNOW it wouldn't be a good idea to be in a relationship. Listen to yourself. Read your own words and then logically deduct an answer from that.
The second part is all generalizations. It isn't hard to commit in college or being that age. I am not sure who you run across, but give me a break. You constantly talk about the standards you have in regards to relationships and then go on about how you are enjoying the "single" life. I may be wrong here, but I don't see how you have lived the "single" life at all. Agonizing yourself over whether a certain female may be the right one for you months after a devastating breakup doesn't seem like enjoyment.
You are afraid of commitment, yet you demand a female who wants to commit fully to you. You see any sort of contradiction in that? Back off my friend, and enjoy the "single" life as you so proclaim you are doing. No hurry to commit to anything but having fun.
And for future endeavors, let things happen naturally. Not everything is an obvious formula that must be solved. Not everything has an answer that guarantees one way or another your prolonged happiness. Most things in life are a gamble that we have to take a chance on.
Once again you all are right. But I am not affraid to be single hence why I am having difficulty deciding if I want to stay single or enter a relationship. Right now we both have been just hanging out. We see each other and just talk. We are getting to know each other well. We are not having sex or anything along those lines besides the occassional kiss.
I am also currently under a lot of stress and have started to loose my motivation. Working 3 jobs, 17 credits, clubs, taekwondo, etc... has taken a toll on me. It has happened before and I have over come it before so I know it will get better.
I think this is what I need to do and please let me know if this is the right thing to do.
1.) Take some time off work
2.) Focus on my school work
3.) Keep going slow with this new girl and not commit right away.
4.) Get some sleep
5.) Free up my schedule somehow and stop doing something.
6.) Stop bit***ng
I guess number 6 should come first... Also going out and drinking cost a lot of money, you could cut on one job, and cut expenses. Cut also other activities or even going out with this girl.
I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are saying something and doing something else. Can you read what you are saying? You are not afraid of being single, you want to be single, but you don't want to lose her?!?! I'm sorry but you need to grow some and make some man decision, you're not 17 anymore.
You do know it is wrong what you are doing? Heck, if that was the solution, I would have gone out with tons of girls, but I rejected them ALL. Do the same, stay single. What you need is friends, not a new relationship.
When we come out of a longterm relationship we need quite some time to heal and recover.
It's important that we learn to live with and like ourselves.
Its ok to make new friends but it seems your spending quite some time agonizing over whether or not you should get together with this new girl when I think you d be doing yourself a favour if you just relaxed and tried to enjoy life-one day at the time.
I guess number 6 should come first... Also going out and drinking cost a lot of money, you could cut on one job, and cut expenses. Cut also other activities or even going out with this girl.
I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are saying something and doing something else. Can you read what you are saying? You are not afraid of being single, you want to be single, but you don't want to lose her?!?! I'm sorry but you need to grow some and make some man decision, you're not 17 anymore.
You do know it is wrong what you are doing? Heck, if that was the solution, I would have gone out with tons of girls, but I rejected them ALL. Do the same, stay single. What you need is friends, not a new relationship.
Ok I get it. I keep contradicting myself and changing what I say all the time. Its called reasoning and trying to come up with the best answer. This is all a new experience for me. I have never been in a LTR before this. I never had my heart broken. I am just learning and trying to figure out the right from wrong.
I understand that bro, I've been there also and the pain I've had is... indescribable. It was also my first relationship. The reason I'm harsh with you is that I made mistakes and that led me to extreme pain and what I'm trying to do here is help you out so that you don't pass the same pain. We suffered and learned so that others don't suffer as much when we share our experience.
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