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    I can't get over my ex, but am trying to move on - what do I do?

    Asked Mar 4, 2007, 11:35 PM 3 Answers
    A year ago my ex broke up with me. While I was with her, I knew she was a gem, I took her for granted though. After three years she asked where she saw us in 5 years, married or not.. . And I, being a guy (immature at that), kind of freaked out at the idea and said I didn't know and didn't plan that far ahead.

    I continued acting the same way, and surprise, surpise - she broke up with me. I was shell-shocked.

    After a few months she dated someone else briefly, that crushed me even more... I figured time to move on. I started dating someone else (but always thought of my ex). I care DEEPLY about the girl I am with now... I don't want to hurt her. But my ex had in the past few months talked to me about getting back together (she claims to be especially upset about me seeing someone new).

    I declined for several reasons; spite and my current relationship, being top reasons. My ex and I always maintained contact and are in the same program in university. I literally think about her everyday and still kick myself when I think about how I could have been a better boyfriend, but at the same time hate myself for thinking all of this while being involved with such a loving girl (who I care for as well).

    As of late, my ex and I are losing touch, we will be finished university this year and I am afraid that I will lose her forever! I am truly torn between choosing to pursue two great people, and I realize the selfishness in my ways.

    I just do not want to live my life in regret, knowing I could have tried to make things work again with my first love, but at the same time I am too much of a coward to risk leaving the girl who I am currently seeing, and I especially don't want to hurt her because I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with her as well.

    How do I decide what road to take before my heart rips itself apart or its too late??

    Last edited by CliffARobinson; Aug 17, 2011 at 03:37 PM.
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    3 Answers
    X-stream87's Avatar
    X-stream87 Posts: 51, Reputation: 9
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    #2

    Mar 5, 2007, 07:54 AM
    Your situation is definitely a tough one but to figure it out think of it this way, firstly remember your ex broke up with you. Secondly this new girl your with if you love her or believe your falling in love with her then obviously there is something just as special within her as there was with your ex. Thirdly, perhaps your ex only wants to get back together you because she doesent like the thought of you being with anyone else, when my girlfriend first broke up with me and remained friends for a short period I met a girl that she knew I was interested in nad was thinking about prusuing. When my ex found out about this her whole demeanor changed she started saying things like "im glad i got to see you i really missed you" and other things like that but the second she knew I was no longer interested she went right back to being cold towards me. Its not odd you are still having these thoughts about your ex but just remember that you care a great deal for your new girlfriend, please don't let unfinsihed business in the past ruin a bright future.
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    Northwind_Dagas's Avatar
    Northwind_Dagas Posts: 349, Reputation: 83
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    #3

    Mar 5, 2007, 09:44 AM
    I truly believe three years is plenty of time to determine if you are with the right person. She obviously felt she wasn't, and left you. Made you feel terrible, right? Why would you risk going through that again for a "maybe" when it sounds like you have a good future in the lady you are currently seeing. If you find happiness in your currently relationship, there will be nothing to regret, right? IF you decided you don't want to regret not pursuing your ex and things go south again, won't you regret not staying with your current girl? You can't predict the future, and you will ALWAYS have regrets. How they affect you is up to you.
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    tinsign's Avatar
    tinsign Posts: 275, Reputation: 66
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    #4

    Mar 5, 2007, 09:56 AM
    You state that you and ex are already losing touch.. That should tell you in itself what you are doing is living on past feelings. If the two of you truly had that much love still for each other you would not be losing contact already.
    You have and so has the ex moved on in life to go backward now would be a mistake. You have a person who it appears now makes you happy, that you could have a good fullfilling life with, do you want to lose her on a past that you can't ever regain? Yes we all look back at past relationships we had sometimes you do wish about the what if's but that is what they are.. what if's.. you can't undo what if's
    Hopefully from your what if's you have grown in the relationship area.
    I have a feeling that if you choose the past over the present you are going to lose again and be right back here later saying "WHAT IF"
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