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davep5 · Jul 19, 2009, 06:35 AM

Here's my situation... I met an old friend from elementary school when I was camping. (we both are 18). WE went on a couple dates and started oficially going out. We dated for about a month and then she became really y, and we decided to take a break for a whille. 5 hrs later she called me and said it would be better to be just friends, and that we rushed into the relationship too fast. Also an old friend of hers didn't want to be friends because she had a boyfriend, and he thought it would be akward. And her parents are fighting recently and she's upset by it. My thoughts about this are that she wanted to break up because she still wanted to hang out with the other guy. She took this ofensivly. I do not understand rushing into the relationship either, whether were"hanging out" or going out it was pretty much the same thing, other than the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. To me the title doesn't really make a difference. Her parents fighting would be more of a reason to be with somebody. To get their mind off things. We have not talked in about a week, because she was in Florida .but I recently talked to her on the phone and it seemed like nothing had happened, we talked and conversated like we used to before the whole "break" thing .

Some good advice about this would be helpful

roxypox · Jul 19, 2009, 07:20 AM

1. You dated for a short period and then she wanted to be friends.

you think this might be because of the other guy, but in all honesty, it might not mean anything. Although she might have taken it badly because its true... but the focus point should be that She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and felt that the two of you rushed into it.

2. You think that she should want a relationship with you/ or a relationship in general to get her mind of her parents and their fighting? Did I read that correctly?

personally I feel that this is a very bad reason to get involved with someone. When getting involved with someone it should be because you like that person, get a long with that person, feel that person is a nice + in your life and so on... not because home life is stressing!

3. She felt the two of you rushed things.

Did the two of you have a conversation about what your friendship will be like? Will you be straight up friends or are you going to continue dating. If you are going to be friends and friends only, then you need to sit yourself down and see if you can handle that. Because there might never be anything more then that.

Other then that you need to take her words at face value, she wants to be friends. But it also might be an easy way to let you down.

It might be helpful for you to talk to her so that you can define what the two of you are doing. If you are just friends or not.

talaniman · Jul 19, 2009, 11:42 AM

I thinks its friends, and maybe you can't see the difference, but as friends you talk, and spend time and hang out sometimes, but no romance, and thats what she wants, the freedom to have a romance if it comes up.

Can you handle her spending more time with a romantic interest, and less time as your friend? If you can't leave her alone.

davep5 · Jul 20, 2009, 06:50 AM

We had a romance but it got cut off for a couple weeks

I wish · Jul 21, 2009, 11:35 AM

If she wanted a relationship, she wouldn't have broken up with you. If she felt you rushed it, she would have told you to slow down. All the excuses mean nothing.

If she wanted to get back with you, she wouldn't have said you're better off as friends.

Just move on. If you keep talking to her, you will keep analysing all the little details. So it might be better for you to ignore her until your feelings for her have gone away.

She just sees you as a regular friend. So she will still be there as a friend when you're done recovering.

88sunflower · Jul 21, 2009, 11:48 AM

I agree with I wish.
If she only wants to be friends and she says that then so be it. You can't make her feel something for you that she just doesn't feel. Honestly it doesn't matter if her parents are having problems and you think she should need you. I am sure she has support from her friends for that. Just let it be. I don't see being friends working for you right off since you still have feelings for her. Keep your distance and try to find something to occupy your mind and get over her.

roxypox · Jul 22, 2009, 11:41 AM

Your response to the first replies given to you makes me want to urge you to reread it and take it under consideration!

Also your second post doesn't address anything that has been said to you, you only try to confirm and address something I honestly doesn't see as true.

What ever her reasons for not wanting to be your girlfriend is, she doesn't want to be your GF and that's just the way it is.

Also if you can't handle being frineds (that is, if it will just be a huge negative in your life, or give you false hope, or as I wish says; make you over analyze everything) then You should consider NOT being friends.

Like someone already has told you; you can't force someone to feel what you feel, or feel what you want them to feel.

That's not how this thing called attraction and love works.

Fixer12 · Dec 17, 2009, 09:52 AM

You did only date for a month, and that is what dating is for... for learning about each other and growing. Figuring out things about one another. Even though she had left you for saying she wants to be friends there is nothing at all wrong with that.

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 01:24 PM

If she feels like you rushed, and she doesn't want a relationship, then you need to respect that and leave her alone. Having your parents fight doesn't imply that she wants to leave the situation and get her mind off it... it means that she has too much on her plate right now. Don't push it with her, and leave her alone... That means no contact.

amicon · Dec 18, 2009, 08:00 AM

Please check the dates before posting. The thread was last active in July.