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oK so I was watching Vanilla Sky the other day, and yes you can call me stupid for saying this, but its my feelings just the same. so please answer if you have any suggestions. so me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year, and i think i love him more than life sometimes. he claims to feel the same way, however he neglects to show it in ways that make me really truely believe him. The reason I mention the movie, is because Tom Cruise in that movie just absolutley loooved Penelope Crus (i mean who wouldnt right?), but still for all of us other women out there, our men should treat us the same right? i know this is so petty, but i need to feel truely loved by him, and hes just not showing me. the gifts are great, but the everyday little touches and kisses are the only thing im practically begging for. am i desperate?
First of all, never take what you see in the movies to heart ; they aren't real life. He may just not be the type of guy to dole out "the everyday little touches and kisses" that you're practically begging for. That doesn't make him a bad person. Should you break up with him over it? Personally, I'd say no but that has to be your decision. Keep in mind that nobody that you'd have a relationship with is going to be "perfect" according to your own standards and there's always going to be something missing. That "something" will naturally vary from person to person and I'm not suggesting that you should overlook fundamental character flaws. However, don't be petty either, as you yourself suggested that you tend to be.
People often forget that movies are produced from a script.
Real life is not scripted.
As above, and as you've said, these "perfect touches" are petty and in the grand scheme of happiness in this life, they are probably not what you really want after all.
I agree with the 2 posts above.
A movie is just a movie, its not real life. Romances in movies are always out of this world.. a fake - make up!
Regarding your boyfriend, explain to him that you apprecaite the gifts but they are material things and you would appreciate more actual love and care from him as a boyfriend.
Talk to him, you been together a year, not a month, you should have good communication between you.
As humans we tend to want to copy what we see in movies. Our feelings of emotions are shaped by movies, books, parents and ideologies based on religion.
First you see this movie or you read this book or your parents emotionally triggered physical behaviors (hugs, kisses, or abuse) you might have see tend manifest in your own thoughts off how you should be treated or treat people, how you should look (big breasts, the perfect nose, the perfect butt).
Slowly fantasies tend to be derived from movies, books, parents or ideologies based on religion/faith/neo-hate, e.t.c.
Advice: Talk to him, tell him what you need (maybe to be held, to be kissed, or imagination) and not what you want. Then watch and pray that he would change for you...
I gotta tell you, if I was a guy who loved a girl who I believed loved me and she told me that my way of expressing love for her wasn't good enough (especially after comparing it to a movie), I would be both hurt and confused.
people show their love in different ways, Some are overly affectionate, some show it with gifts, some show it by helping around the house - making things - by their actions etc.
You said your guy gives you gifts - well maybe thats how he shows you he loves you. You however, respond to physical touch...Im sure it wouldnt be a problem to bring it up with him - talk about what each of you need.
In the end, just be glad your not with Tom Cruise...
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