Summary - I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We live together, we are usually happy with each other. To be honest I think I am the one who usually gets upset when things are not right. To be honest we have never really fought, we have our occasional tiff but fortunately he is open to my opinions and I listen to his and we have always worked things out. I am currently pregnant with his child and we have every intention of getting married in the next few years.

Problem - When we first me and I wasn’t quite so attached, he and a friend wanted to go to a strip club. Then I said yes, because I didn’t really care. Our relationship was still fresh and if anything went wrong it wouldn’t be that hard to pick myself up and move on. Well they ended up not going. He didn’t want to go because he said he wouldn’t want to do that to me.
Last week this same friend - who is now a roommate- decided he wanted to do the strip club venture again. This time I am not so sure I want my boyfriend to go. I am having nightmares of him lusting after women more than he lust for me, me catching him being close with other women (not quite cheating but kissing and caressing) and him knowing I saw him, we both just ignored the knowledge I had, and I held my rage inside. I have explicitly said – that I don’t like the idea of him going to the strip club, and that it makes me feel that my body is not good enough for him and that he desires to see others more, but if going to a strip club is the only way he can think of to have fun then I guess I cant help him.
That didn’t seem to faze him. I can’t remember his exact response but he tried to convince me he wasn’t going for the bodies, he was going for the music. Well if that is the case why not go to a bar. Although I trust him to be faithful to me, I do feel as though this is somehow violating the sanctity of our relationship. I can’t see myself having a positive reaction. I feel like if he does go through with this then he should no longer be allowed to see my body, that I shouldn’t allow myself to be attached to him in the way that I am prior to him going to the strip club.
I know for me I would never want to go to a strip club (male dancers) unless I was single and even then pretty desperate. But this is not fazing him. I wouldn’t want him to feel as I do, and therefore I would never go to a strip club.
I don’t know what to do, this seems so trivial, but yet I do see it as a serious hinder to our relationship. If you have any advice on how I should handle this, please do tell.

talaniman

What I have not understood is the fear that some females have of being compared to the strippers and feeling threatened by them. Is this not insecurity or a lack of trust? Why is it that some take this past time so personally? I know some are more liberal and secure in there thinking but is the strip club the real issue here? Or what kind of man they have?

vlee

I don't think it is necessarily always insecurity or a lack of trust....sometimes I think it can feel like a lack of respect. I know my husband would never cheat, and I know he likes my body, so I don't feel insecure about how I look or anything. And I still wouldn't want him to go. I don't think I'd get totally ticked if he did it anyway, but in a way that is difficult to explain, I guess it would be hurtful if he were openly ogling other women.