Summary - I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We live together, we are usually happy with each other. To be honest I think I am the one who usually gets upset when things are not right. To be honest we have never really fought, we have our occasional tiff but fortunately he is open to my opinions and I listen to his and we have always worked things out. I am currently pregnant with his child and we have every intention of getting married in the next few years.

Problem - When we first me and I wasn’t quite so attached, he and a friend wanted to go to a strip club. Then I said yes, because I didn’t really care. Our relationship was still fresh and if anything went wrong it wouldn’t be that hard to pick myself up and move on. Well they ended up not going. He didn’t want to go because he said he wouldn’t want to do that to me.
Last week this same friend - who is now a roommate- decided he wanted to do the strip club venture again. This time I am not so sure I want my boyfriend to go. I am having nightmares of him lusting after women more than he lust for me, me catching him being close with other women (not quite cheating but kissing and caressing) and him knowing I saw him, we both just ignored the knowledge I had, and I held my rage inside. I have explicitly said – that I don’t like the idea of him going to the strip club, and that it makes me feel that my body is not good enough for him and that he desires to see others more, but if going to a strip club is the only way he can think of to have fun then I guess I cant help him.
That didn’t seem to faze him. I can’t remember his exact response but he tried to convince me he wasn’t going for the bodies, he was going for the music. Well if that is the case why not go to a bar. Although I trust him to be faithful to me, I do feel as though this is somehow violating the sanctity of our relationship. I can’t see myself having a positive reaction. I feel like if he does go through with this then he should no longer be allowed to see my body, that I shouldn’t allow myself to be attached to him in the way that I am prior to him going to the strip club.
I know for me I would never want to go to a strip club (male dancers) unless I was single and even then pretty desperate. But this is not fazing him. I wouldn’t want him to feel as I do, and therefore I would never go to a strip club.
I don’t know what to do, this seems so trivial, but yet I do see it as a serious hinder to our relationship. If you have any advice on how I should handle this, please do tell.

talaniman

Oh Faithl, between hunting, fishing, golf, surfing the net, taking out the garbage and fetching pickles and ice cream, do I really need an excuse to drink beer and watch em shake it? Don't you think that twice a year I can give Mr. Penis something to holler about? Oh please let me hoot and holler twice a year with my hollering buddies. I promise to come home after I spend the lousy 10 bucks that is my allowance and tie myself to your apron strings again.

As a male, who wants to be a regular at a strip club when my local tavern is more my price range? We can always hoot and holler at the bar maid.

Sorry to poke fun at such a serious subject, but if its that serious, please seek help, Unless the guy goes everyday then don't take a man thing so serious. Just my opinion!!!!! If you had to put up with Mr. Penis, you would want to hoot and holler every now and then with the boys too.

faithl

But this is what bugs me - the whole excuse of it being 'a men thing'. If you're single, fine. Do what you like, it's not going to affect anyone. If you're with someone, why the need? Why can't you see that paying to go and watch other women - other women who are arguably better toned/bigger breastsed etc than the average female - is going to offend the person you claim to love? How would you feel if it were the other way round - if your girl was paying to watch handsome, hunky men take off their underwear?

I have lots of male friends, plenty of them are what you would call hot-blooded males, none of them would even think about going to a strip club. it's nothing to do with guilt, or religious issues, it's because they have respect. If I had a partner I wouldn't dream of going to watch men take their clothes off, and I'm a hot blooded female! Admiring someone in the street isn't the same thing. I'm just so dismayed that so few people seem to understand how aggrevating this is - it's not the first post Ive read of an upset woman trying to cope with her partner going to watch strangers strip so clearly there is a problem.

faithl

And OK, you have Mr Penis, well what about....how can I put this delicately? I can't,so lets just say how about women's sexual needs? Contrary to popular belief we get as frustrated as men and between massaging our boyfriend's ego, making his dinner and fixing him drinks, maybe we'd like to let loose a bit also? But then, would that be a problem for our men? I think it would, especially if he was toned and handsome and knew how to shake it!

talaniman

Not a problem, I'm not the least bit intimadated by the competition. Why should I be?
I would have a problem with it being over done, but if the problem is an issue, then honest communication is whats needed. But not trusting the man is an issue also that is just as important. Some things just have to be ironed out and compromised on, and personal problems have to be personally worked on. We are all different in what we like and how we live.

Jesushelper76

faithl disagrees: Hardly an over reaction. How would you like your girlfriend to get off watching naked men writh around on stage?

First of all this women told her guy that it was okay for him to go out with his friends. She trusted him enough to go out. It is not a regular routine. Now he wants to go out a second time with his friends. What is the problem, there should be no problem there was no problem the first time. It is not a regular occurance.

Joe

faithl

>>Jesushelper76 disagrees: Your men bashing, it is uncalled for. Women do the same thing. So you can get stuffed. Your an angry person that needs a better way to vent anger instead of bashing people.

I can 'get stuffed' for voicing my opinion? And 'man bashing' implies I am offending every single man on the planet, but every single man on the planet doesn't go to strip clubs, believe it or not. I may make a passionate argument yes, but telling me to find a better way to vent my anger after telling me to get stuffed isn't exactly eloquent or persuasive. I'm impassioned because I believe women can do better then stick with men who want to get their rocks off watching other women get naked, that's my opinion. What are YOU so angry for?

faithl

>>agrees: Amen to your answer. God help this person. Full of anger and hatred towards somebody in her life and taking it out on everybody

Oh and I've just spotted this gem, jesushelper! Contrary to your opinion I am not full of hatred or anger towards anybody - I am PASSIONATE in my arguments, yes. If I really was full of hate and anger, I'd be taking a leaf out of your book and tell people to get stuffed.

scarlettk

I agree with Faithl, OK, so her argument may have been a bit vitriolic sounding, but there was no need to be rude - my boyf really hurt me by going to a strip club, even thougj I asked him not to - he said the same thing, it was just boys messing about. Well no it wasn't, actually. They woud talk about the girls and some of the things they said turned my stomach, he even said when we were arguing that he wished I looked like one!! So no, they aren't just places men hang out, if you want to hang out you can do so without hurting your gf

NowWhat

I have to say - that I think that this is an individual choice. Personally, I don't care if my husband goes to a strip club. As a matter of fact, most of the time he goes - he's with me. (We are talking 2x a year - MAYBE) And when we come home, we have mind blowing sex. It is just walking into a fantasy for us. No big deal. We have been together a lot of years and going to a club together is one way that we keep a spark.
We have our 9 to 5's and a child that demands alot of our attention. So, every once and a while - we let loose.
And yes, he has been without me. Again, no big deal. The only reason one of those girls cozies up to him is because he's holding $$. When that is gone, so are they.

If someone wants to go and let off some steam and just forget what waits outside of the doors - then they should. It really is not a big deal.

Redbone

A woman will side with a woman to comfort her and that is ok. However there is not thought in what that person had said. I can see the anger if there was a brothel brought into the equation, however that is not the case. Men like to be macho and hang with there buds doesn't mean they are hanging with their puds. Someone once told me that the naked body was the most beautiful thing in the world. But that doesn't mean they were looking at the hardcore part of nudity.