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Summary - I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We live together, we are usually happy with each other. To be honest I think I am the one who usually gets upset when things are not right. To be honest we have never really fought, we have our occasional tiff but fortunately he is open to my opinions and I listen to his and we have always worked things out. I am currently pregnant with his child and we have every intention of getting married in the next few years.
Problem - When we first me and I wasn’t quite so attached, he and a friend wanted to go to a strip club. Then I said yes, because I didn’t really care. Our relationship was still fresh and if anything went wrong it wouldn’t be that hard to pick myself up and move on. Well they ended up not going. He didn’t want to go because he said he wouldn’t want to do that to me.
Last week this same friend - who is now a roommate- decided he wanted to do the strip club venture again. This time I am not so sure I want my boyfriend to go. I am having nightmares of him lusting after women more than he lust for me, me catching him being close with other women (not quite cheating but kissing and caressing) and him knowing I saw him, we both just ignored the knowledge I had, and I held my rage inside. I have explicitly said – that I don’t like the idea of him going to the strip club, and that it makes me feel that my body is not good enough for him and that he desires to see others more, but if going to a strip club is the only way he can think of to have fun then I guess I cant help him.
That didn’t seem to faze him. I can’t remember his exact response but he tried to convince me he wasn’t going for the bodies, he was going for the music. Well if that is the case why not go to a bar. Although I trust him to be faithful to me, I do feel as though this is somehow violating the sanctity of our relationship. I can’t see myself having a positive reaction. I feel like if he does go through with this then he should no longer be allowed to see my body, that I shouldn’t allow myself to be attached to him in the way that I am prior to him going to the strip club.
I know for me I would never want to go to a strip club (male dancers) unless I was single and even then pretty desperate. But this is not fazing him. I wouldn’t want him to feel as I do, and therefore I would never go to a strip club.
I don’t know what to do, this seems so trivial, but yet I do see it as a serious hinder to our relationship. If you have any advice on how I should handle this, please do tell.
I have to agree with Fr Chuck. First thing it's not that he is lusting for another's body.
I'm pretty sure that He loves her as much as he ever did. Sometimes a man will want to relive the past in as much as a strip joint or what ever it was he did to enjoy his youth.
I mean some of them woman are really skanky. I don't feel that she has anything to worry about. She is pregnant and unsecure with her body so that leaves her with questions of what she feels might be the end of her relationship with this guy.
I really think that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill. I can also see that she is very jelious. Let me say this that will kill the relationship quick.
O.K. I am reading this post from Talaniman and I am trying hard not to scream at the computer.
Yes, you both are having a child - BUT, you are not both pregnant. No matter how much your mate tells you about HER pregnancy, there is NO WAY to fully understand what she is going through. To suggest that you do, well that is crazy. You may catch the brunt of things, but you have no clue of what is going on.
I do, however, agree about the go and forget comment. But, shouldn't you consider her feelings on this? Knowing how she is feeling right now, shouldn't that matter in your decision of whether to go bowling or go to a "booty bar"? I mean, since you are so in tune with what is going on with "YOUR" pregnancy?
My point was I do have a clue whats going on. Maybe I can't physically pop, but I was there, not a a strip club. My role is to support not have a kid my gosh. You can always get your own pickles at 3 am ya know. So my answer to you objecting to me doing anything during our pregnancy is yes dear, can I get you another pickle?
I really think that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill. I can also see that she is very jelious. Let me say this that will kill the relationship quick.
I agree that being pregnant makes a female nutsy bozo to us men, but pouting and making a fuss is not the way to go. We can hoop and holler anytime but for now all most females want is for us to be there while they are catching hell with our babies. They generally calm down after the load has been dropped and they can move around again.
My point was I do have a clue whats going on. Maybe I can't physically pop, but I was there, not a a strip club. My role is to support not have a kid my gosh. You can always get your own pickles at 3 am ya know. So my answer to you objecting to me doing anything during our pregnancy is yes dear, can I get you another pickle?
O.K. I know that the husband/father is supposed to be the support system. And I think that is great and that is the way it should be. But in the post I responded to, you weren't coming across as the "support system". You came across as to you knew exactly what was going on in your wife's body and since you were so intune - she should just get over it - because you were going through the same thing.
Now, if that is not what you intended - great. And yes we can get our own pickles at 3am. - it's just so much nicer when you do it.
Summary - I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We live together, we are usually happy with each other. To be honest I think I am the one who usually gets upset when things are not right. To be honest we have never really fought, we have our occasional tiff but fortunately he is open to my opinions and I listen to his and we have always worked things out. I am currently pregnant with his child and we have every intention of getting married in the next few years.
Problem - When we first me and I wasn’t quite so attached, he and a friend wanted to go to a strip club. Then I said yes, because I didn’t really care. Our relationship was still fresh and if anything went wrong it wouldn’t be that hard to pick myself up and move on. Well they ended up not going. He didn’t want to go because he said he wouldn’t want to do that to me.
Last week this same friend - who is now a roommate- decided he wanted to do the strip club venture again. This time I am not so sure I want my boyfriend to go. I am having nightmares of him lusting after women more than he lust for me, me catching him being close with other women (not quite cheating but kissing and caressing) and him knowing I saw him, we both just ignored the knowledge I had, and I held my rage inside. I have explicitly said – that I don’t like the idea of him going to the strip club, and that it makes me feel that my body is not good enough for him and that he desires to see others more, but if going to a strip club is the only way he can think of to have fun then I guess I cant help him.
That didn’t seem to faze him. I can’t remember his exact response but he tried to convince me he wasn’t going for the bodies, he was going for the music. Well if that is the case why not go to a bar. Although I trust him to be faithful to me, I do feel as though this is somehow violating the sanctity of our relationship. I can’t see myself having a positive reaction. I feel like if he does go through with this then he should no longer be allowed to see my body, that I shouldn’t allow myself to be attached to him in the way that I am prior to him going to the strip club.
I know for me I would never want to go to a strip club (male dancers) unless I was single and even then pretty desperate. But this is not fazing him. I wouldn’t want him to feel as I do, and therefore I would never go to a strip club.
I don’t know what to do, this seems so trivial, but yet I do see it as a serious hinder to our relationship. If you have any advice on how I should handle this, please do tell.
In assuming the "best" interests of both you and your man, I can only offer what might be "reasonable," that is, you accompanying your guy to the strip club to experience for yourself what happens in front of you regarding he whom you care for. I do not proclaim that such environments would lend themselves to the highest of human values, but personally you could witness what happens, rather than having second-hand stories. Hope that doesn't hurt, rather helps. Make sense?
>>I disagree, Men go out to hang out with each other and to have fun. Does not mean he is out to screw around
NO NO NO. I am sick and tired of men using this as a lame excuse. So men cannot hang out and have fun without looking at women taking their clothes off and writhing around pretending to have orgasms? Can men not go out for once without their genitalia being involved? Is that not just a tad pathetic? This is just an excuse to get off watching other women. Either you respect your girlfriend or you don't. Either you can keep your penis under control or you can't. If you can't, don't commit to a relationship, just go to strip joints and drool as much as you like, have one night stands, watch porn, do whatever it takes to keep Mr Penis happy. If all you care about is getting your rocks off, don't get a girlfriend. It's as simple as that.
NO NO NO. I am sick and tired of men using this as a lame excuse. So men cannot hang out and have fun without looking at women taking their clothes off and writhing around pretending to have orgasms? Can men not go out for once without their genitalia being involved? Is that not just a tad pathetic? This just an excuse to get off watching other women. Either you respect your girlfriend or yopu don't. Either you can keep your penis under control or you can't. If you can't, don't commit to a relationship, just go to strip joints and drool as much as you like, have one night stands, watch porn, do whatever it takes to keep Mr penis happy. If you cannot do that, don't get a girlfriend. It's as simple as that.
Holy cow.
First off, I think that it's an individual problem, not a male/female problem. I'm happily married, and if my husband tonight came home and announced "I'm going to the strip club with the guys", my only answer would be "Don't spend too much money".
I think the problem might be "Either you trust your partner or you don't" rather than "either you respect your girlfriend or you don't".
Or...either you can communicate why you think strip clubs are a threat or you can't.
I'm secure enough in my relationship with my husband that some chick dancing half naked in front of him isn't really going to bother me. If I were pregnant, that might be a different story, though.
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