Hello everyone,

My boyfriend (he's 27) and I (I'm 20) have been dating for over a year and a half now, we have wonderful chemistry and laugh a lot together (for astrology fans, he is a Scorpio and I'm a Capricorn). Unfortunately I have been noticing a trend that he really affects my self-esteem. For starters, I'm a student but also a part-time model.

My self esteem was fine before dating him, I appreciated my body and my looks, and always looked for beauty in others. When we started going out, there would be times when we would be watching tv and he comments on attractive body parts from pretty girls (I'm okay with him commenting on how a pretty a girl is, but when he comments on specific body parts, it weirds me out since I'm not a fan of female objectification). When I jokingly ask him if I should sport that bubble butt or whatever, he would say that I'm fine the way I am.

When we were on a date once, I was eating and out of the blue, he said "You look ugly when you look down like that." It was awkward so I cracked a joke saying something like "Oh, well I'm glad you know that I'm not always perfect." (and continued eating)

There are times when we are cuddling and just have nice talks. I asked him, "If we were both single and I was walked past you, would you notice me?" He said no. I laughed it off (because it was awkward and I didn't expect that answer). But then, I guess it triggered another question (out of curiousity), "Not counting celebrities, and based only in daily life, would you say that I may be one of your top 10?" Again, he said no, saying that looks didn't really matter to him and that even if I was on the bottom top 1000 or 10000, it wouldn't matter.

There are also times when he talks about when he was single, he would get lapdances but those never got him hard (to me it's hard to believe). But when we watch a movie together, he gets hard easily just by seeing sexy girls or mere sexy scenes.

To top things off, I also have a higher sex drive than him. I love to dress up, roleplay, etc. and I feel like I'm insatiable. At the beginning, we would have sex quite often, but as months passed to now, I'm always the one forcing sex on him. I have confronted him about this and tells me it's because he is "older" and that older men have a lower sex drive.

I'm aware that I take fault in controlling my self esteem, but truth be told, my agency is always very hard on me. They are critical of my looks, and demanding. I've been in this industry for a few years and sanity wise, I'm better off than a lot of my modelling friends. I can separate work from private life, but these small comments from my boyfriend really get to me. I could care less of what other people thought of me, but when I come home to my boyfriend, I would like a safe home base. Maybe I'm young and haven't gotten the chance to experience other factors, but this ordeal really hurts and distracts me from studying. I have told him that it hurts me (I hate showing weakness), and that I hope we last. Just from the questions I have asked him, he knows I care about looks, yet I understand that looks fade and personality will outlast.

I really do care a lot about him and our relationship, but whenever I'm around him, I feel my self-esteem lowering silently.

Thanks for reading!

razor96

keep it up and you will have no self esteem. Wake up your a trophy and he wants total control of what he thinks he owns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N0help4u

Your agency is hard on you and it sounds to me that maybe you think he is too when maybe he does accept you for who you are. You keep asking him about appearance. Maybe he really isn't all hung up on appearance and you are.
Try forgetting about your hang up on your looks and just get along with him without bringing it up or thinking about it as an issue with him.
He is older and he just might know he wants. If he wasn't happy with you he would probably be argumentative with you or something more substantially relationship ruining than this.
Concern yourself more with your relationship than your looks.

Capricorns want to master and Scorpios want to possess. This combination sounds difficult but if both have planets like Venus (love) and Mars (desires) in other more compatible signs it can be a very successful match. If not it may be that the Capricorn tries to totally control the Scorpio who retaliates with sarcasm and hurtful remarks which can never be taken back. This relationship will be hard work but if they work at it the Capricorn can learn to separate business from pleasure and the Scorpio can learn to be less intense and share their lives with a very capable

Capricorn
They tend to attract people who do not understand them. Casual acquaintances they will treat with diplomacy, tact and, above all, reticence. They make few good friends but are intensely loyal to those they do make, and they can become bitter, and powerful enemies. They sometimes test the waters of affection gingerly before judging the temperature right for commitment.

Scorpio
They do not mess around when it comes to love. He is self-assured and independent, acts according to what his heart says.

Scleros

You actually asked that!? These questions reek of insecurity. Insecurity is definitely not sexy and, as a guy, constantly having to re-affirm your girlfriend's self-worth through hypothetical question and answer sessions would be a drag. Would you find him attractive if he asked you the same thing all the time if he were modeling? Probably not. Your reduction in self-esteem appears to be self-induced.

The sexy girls/scenes that arouse him may be because they are confident. They're hot and they KNOW it. Have you attempted to imitate the scenes at all or without querying him about your appeal? Also, go to the sexuality forum and read the posts regarding lowered drive, typically the responses indicate that it is a symptom of some other problem in the relationship. I would also think a lowered drive due to a physical cause would afflict a _much_ older guy (I'm 37).

Marriedguy

Wondergirl

"Boyfriend lowers my self esteem"? No. YOU lower your self esteem by checking up on how he thinks of you and if you are acceptable to him. You lump him together with how you want the modeling agency to regard you, as very desirable. In that business, a model has to be perfect--with perfect hair and perfect nails and a perfect body and look as good as or even better than other models ("I'm better than a lot of my modelling friends"). You've bought into this need for perfection and are blaming your bf for your own insecurities.

Also, you've confused self-esteem with physical appearance ("My self esteem was fine before dating him, I appreciated my body and my looks, and always looked for beauty in others"). Self-esteem and looks are two very different things.

You must be a very attractive woman to land a modeling contract. That's great! Now work on the self-esteem and self-confidence stuff. Check out the counseling situation at your school. A half-dozen sessions with a counselor would do wonders for your lack of confidence and would greatly improve your love life.

"Capricorn women have a fresh beauty of their own, yet they are timid and unsure about their appearance, and you may find them needing constant reassurance that they're pretty"....Overall, "a Capricorn woman is tender and devoted with a deep richness in her love."

P.S. The "older men with lower sex drive" are usually in their 90s. Maybe.

Fr_Chuck

You are letting someone else effect you and the way you think about you.

I could not agree with wondergril any more, if I had wrote it myself.
The only thing I would do is not just take negitive comments but confront them, he needs to also find his place and learn he is an idiot.

JBeaucaire

First, most everything above should be helpful in some way, so I'll try not to duplicate the already good answers you have to mull over. Now, my turn.

STANDARD DATING LECTURE 12:

Dating is for learning. It's not about your feelings. You already like him, he likes you...blah blah. Dating is for hanging out with someone long enough for familiarity to replace the courting behavior found in early months of a relationship.

Why is this important? Well, I am SO glad you asked! Familiarity reveals the true personality and allows you do discover if you are actually compatible.

That's it. Loving each other is beside the point. Once you start acting "normal" around each other, you PAY ATTENTION! Are you paying attention? Are you?

The guy you're seeing NOW sounds like he is solidly into familiar. The way he is acting now is actually a "light" version of the man he would be if you got married. He would most likely just become MORE of whatever you see him being today.

Please don't ignore that. And I doubt you can change him, so that's a wasted pursuit. The only question is: "How will life be living with an even more extreme version of this guy forever?"

talaniman

Two things stand out,
1- You take things to personally, and that will shake your confidence, and self esteem
2- You are intimidated easily, maybe youth, or self esteem, and confidence issues.
Love yourself, and be good to you, and let no one tell you different. It is more you than him, so be very careful, and mindful of your reactions. You do not have to settle, but you must know what it is you want before a good decision can be made. The sex, his story is BS, that is about control.

N0help4u

To me it is not hard to believe. From what bouncers have said here and on the internet a lap dance lasts a matter of seconds and the guy is usually not expecting it so it is over before he knew what hit him.

Notice the difference here from the lap dance? when we watch a movie together


I can believe that when some guys get older this is quite possibly so with some guys.
Have no idea on the statistics, but I can believe it.