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My boyfriend (he's 27) and I (I'm 20) have been dating for over a year and a half now, we have wonderful chemistry and laugh a lot together (for astrology fans, he is a Scorpio and I'm a Capricorn). Unfortunately I have been noticing a trend that he really affects my self-esteem. For starters, I'm a student but also a part-time model.
My self esteem was fine before dating him, I appreciated my body and my looks, and always looked for beauty in others. When we started going out, there would be times when we would be watching tv and he comments on attractive body parts from pretty girls (I'm okay with him commenting on how a pretty a girl is, but when he comments on specific body parts, it weirds me out since I'm not a fan of female objectification). When I jokingly ask him if I should sport that bubble butt or whatever, he would say that I'm fine the way I am.
When we were on a date once, I was eating and out of the blue, he said "You look ugly when you look down like that." It was awkward so I cracked a joke saying something like "Oh, well I'm glad you know that I'm not always perfect." (and continued eating)
There are times when we are cuddling and just have nice talks. I asked him, "If we were both single and I was walked past you, would you notice me?" He said no. I laughed it off (because it was awkward and I didn't expect that answer). But then, I guess it triggered another question (out of curiousity), "Not counting celebrities, and based only in daily life, would you say that I may be one of your top 10?" Again, he said no, saying that looks didn't really matter to him and that even if I was on the bottom top 1000 or 10000, it wouldn't matter.
There are also times when he talks about when he was single, he would get lapdances but those never got him hard (to me it's hard to believe). But when we watch a movie together, he gets hard easily just by seeing sexy girls or mere sexy scenes.
To top things off, I also have a higher sex drive than him. I love to dress up, roleplay, etc. and I feel like I'm insatiable. At the beginning, we would have sex quite often, but as months passed to now, I'm always the one forcing sex on him. I have confronted him about this and tells me it's because he is "older" and that older men have a lower sex drive.
I'm aware that I take fault in controlling my self esteem, but truth be told, my agency is always very hard on me. They are critical of my looks, and demanding. I've been in this industry for a few years and sanity wise, I'm better off than a lot of my modelling friends. I can separate work from private life, but these small comments from my boyfriend really get to me. I could care less of what other people thought of me, but when I come home to my boyfriend, I would like a safe home base. Maybe I'm young and haven't gotten the chance to experience other factors, but this ordeal really hurts and distracts me from studying. I have told him that it hurts me (I hate showing weakness), and that I hope we last. Just from the questions I have asked him, he knows I care about looks, yet I understand that looks fade and personality will outlast.
I really do care a lot about him and our relationship, but whenever I'm around him, I feel my self-esteem lowering silently.
To talaniman: No, I'm not mad, lol. I don't have a large ego at all, I'm on the conservative side. It could be the fact that my bad habit of wanting to know more (mostly curious of what turns him on, what attributes make him attracted to etc.) makes you think I constantly need reassurance. If I were you, I would think the same thing. But really, the sex drive ordeal is a control thing?! That's horrible!
To Wondergirl: When I said, "I'm better than a lot of my modelling friends", I was NOT talking about looks or status. I was referring to sanity level and therapy. Many of these girls go to occasional therapy courses because being in the spotlight makes you question your level of confidence, etc. While I, on the hand, have never been to a single therapy session (but probably now is a good time haha). Just wanted to clarify.
To NOHelp4u: Thank you for ALL your input. I think your posts really stood out to me. I loved how you separated my post into chunks and analyzed them separately. But wow, I'm so surprised by those lapdance comments, really?!
To everyone else: Thank you for taking the time to give me advice. I concur that it may be that whole modelling industry that's brainwashing me to achieve perfection. I have days where I'm perfectly fine, but also days where I'm just like, 'why am I thinking/feeling this way?!' The good part is, I'm conscious of those gloomy days, the bad part is that I need to control it.
...I don't mind further input! Please post and I will check back, thanks again!
The one thing that comes to mind is that when ever you ask a question of anyone, be prepared that you may hear an answer that you don't like. If you are interested in what he finds attractive, ask him THAT.
Also, keep in mind that someone who seeks therapy is not a weak person. It is someone who realizes that they need help, which is a show of strength. Accepting that you cannot do something by yourself and you seek help is also a sign of maturity.
Know that in order to find love, you need to love yourself first. Confidence is the sexiest thing to another individual.
whyohwhy disagrees: He's 27...that isn't old enough to blame his lack of sex drive on age.
I didn't say he had a lack of sex drive. My point was he isn't a teen ager and may be maturer and realizes that isn't all there is to life! THANK YOU!!
The OP was quite satisfied with my reply
you need to read up on giving reddies before somebody else tells you about it!
My boyfriend (he's 27) and I (I'm 20) have been dating for over a year and a half now, we have wonderful chemistry and laugh a lot together (for astrology fans, he is a Scorpio and I'm a Capricorn). Unfortunately I have been noticing a trend that he really affects my self-esteem. For starters, I'm a student but also a part-time model.
My self esteem was fine before dating him, I appreciated my body and my looks, and always looked for beauty in others. When we started going out, there would be times when we would be watching tv and he comments on attractive body parts from pretty girls (I'm okay with him commenting on how a pretty a girl is, but when he comments on specific body parts, it weirds me out since I'm not a fan of female objectification). When I jokingly ask him if I should sport that bubble butt or whatever, he would say that I'm fine the way I am.
When we were on a date once, I was eating and out of the blue, he said "You look ugly when you look down like that." It was awkward so I cracked a joke saying something like "Oh, well I'm glad you know that I'm not always perfect." (and continued eating)
There are times when we are cuddling and just have nice talks. I asked him, "If we were both single and I was walked past you, would you notice me?" He said no. I laughed it off (because it was awkward and I didn't expect that answer). But then, I guess it triggered another question (out of curiousity), "Not counting celebrities, and based only in daily life, would you say that I may be one of your top 10?" Again, he said no, saying that looks didn't really matter to him and that even if I was on the bottom top 1000 or 10000, it wouldn't matter.
There are also times when he talks about when he was single, he would get lapdances but those never got him hard (to me it's hard to believe). But when we watch a movie together, he gets hard easily just by seeing sexy girls or mere sexy scenes.
To top things off, I also have a higher sex drive than him. I love to dress up, roleplay, etc. and I feel like I'm insatiable. At the beginning, we would have sex quite often, but as months passed to now, I'm always the one forcing sex on him. I have confronted him about this and tells me it's because he is "older" and that older men have a lower sex drive.
I'm aware that I take fault in controlling my self esteem, but truth be told, my agency is always very hard on me. They are critical of my looks, and demanding. I've been in this industry for a few years and sanity wise, I'm better off than a lot of my modelling friends. I can separate work from private life, but these small comments from my boyfriend really get to me. I could care less of what other people thought of me, but when I come home to my boyfriend, I would like a safe home base. Maybe I'm young and haven't gotten the chance to experience other factors, but this ordeal really hurts and distracts me from studying. I have told him that it hurts me (I hate showing weakness), and that I hope we last. Just from the questions I have asked him, he knows I care about looks, yet I understand that looks fade and personality will outlast.
I really do care a lot about him and our relationship, but whenever I'm around him, I feel my self-esteem lowering silently.
But really, the sex drive ordeal is a control thing?! That's horrible! 
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