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michu · Jun 3, 2006, 04:45 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we are getting along really well. There is just one thing that is really bothering me. Before we met my boyfriend was looking for someone tall and slim as he is 6ft 2 and slim himself. Im only 5ft 3 and have a normal body. (not over weight but not slim) I am feeling really insecure because I am not the tall and slim that he was looking for before we met. He says that he fancies me (he is always all over me and very affectionate ) and he said that I am fine and he said that he found me very pretty.but I know that he would like me to be slimmer. I also pushed him to admit that he didn't like my breasts. They are very big and I have been in line for the reduction opp for a while now. It doesn't seem to matter how many times he tells me that I am fine to him, I still obsess that I am not attractive enough and when I see a tall and slim woman on the street I hate myself.

Do most guys wish that there girlfriends were slim or is it just mine?

fredg · Jun 3, 2006, 04:56 AM

Hi,
I am 64 yrs old, married 29 yrs to a wonderful woman; just so you'll know "where I'm coming from".
Beauty is within oneself. What others see is your Smile, your personality, and if you are warm, caring, trusting, loving, compromising, and want to make the other happy.
Most all men, I think, including myself, at one time, dreamed of marrying a Playboy pin-up! Some of find someone like that, others look for different things in a woman. I look for all the above in the second paragraph.
The only thing I can tell you is; accept yourself as you are! Be yourself.
I do wish you the best.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 3, 2006, 05:46 AM

Although I don't usually do this, this is one time where I think it's really good to answer a question with a question...

Knowing self esteem as I do, I would gently suggest that the question might be better put if you asked yourself "are you attractive enough for you" - never mind what he thinks at the moment? And if not, start there to solve it. Once solved there, what your boyfriend thinks may or may not still be in the picture. Its been my own experience that if you don't solve it there, it will never really solve. Could the inequity you are sensing be that he is comfortable with his looks and you are not, rather than your looks aren't as appealing to him as his are to you?

Right problem + right solution = solvable :)

You have already mentioned one thing you are considering to help there. If you remain unsure how to change your appearance to suit you or change your attitude about your appearance, you only need ask here and we women are likely to post like crazy about that topic, is my guess! LOL. :o
Just a few thoughts that I hope help... thanks for posting!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 3, 2006, 09:59 AM

And I would like myself to look like a GQ model, but guess what it ain't going to happen.

Everyone has differnet tastes or desires, he either loves you or not, for who you are, you may change in a dozen ways over the next 40 years, add 100 lbs, or lose 40 lbs, you may have an accident and get disfigured, or lose a breast to cancer ( we hope not of course)

But the thing is, love has little to do with looks, not real love, but for that animal lust ( for lack of a better word this morning) different men like varoius types, tall, short, a lot of men actually like heavier ladies, some prefer black, some brown, some white, and so on.

And in the end a person has to be happy with thierelf, and not rely on others to make them feel good.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2006, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by michu

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we are getting along really well. there is just one thing that is really bothering me. before we met my boyfriend was looking for someone tall and slim as he is 6ft 2 and slim himself. Im only 5ft 3 and have a normal body. (not over weight but not slim) I am feeling really insecure because I am not the tall and slim that he was looking for before we met. He says that he fancies me (he is always all over me and very affectionate ) and he said that i am fine and he said that he found me very pretty.but i know that he would like me to be slimmer. I also pushed him to admit that he didnt like my breasts. they are very big and i have been in line for the reduction opp for a while now. it doesnt seem to matter how many times he tells me that i am fine to him, i still obsess that i am not attractive enough and when i see a tall and slim woman on the street i hate myself.

do most guys wish that there girlfriends were slim or is it just mine?

You have a self esteem problem and you need some help to get over it so you can enjoy a healthy relationship without the jealousy and questions. Please get help before you start with the operations!

Krs · Jun 12, 2006, 03:42 AM

Originally Posted by michu

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we are getting along really well. there is just one thing that is really bothering me. before we met my boyfriend was looking for someone tall and slim as he is 6ft 2 and slim himself. Im only 5ft 3 and have a normal body. (not over weight but not slim) I am feeling really insecure because I am not the tall and slim that he was looking for before we met. He says that he fancies me (he is always all over me and very affectionate ) and he said that i am fine and he said that he found me very pretty.but i know that he would like me to be slimmer. I also pushed him to admit that he didnt like my breasts. they are very big and i have been in line for the reduction opp for a while now. it doesnt seem to matter how many times he tells me that i am fine to him, i still obsess that i am not attractive enough and when i see a tall and slim woman on the street i hate myself.

do most guys wish that there girlfriends were slim or is it just mine?

Firstly have more self esteem, if your boyfriend is telling you you're fine, than believe him, why would he lie.
Its not like he met you yest!
Also if you are bothered about your weight, then why not exercise and go on a little diet, set yourself a little challenge, and do it for you not your boyfriend or anyone else ;)

kp2171 · Jun 12, 2006, 09:22 AM

You are driving yourself mad for no good reason.

He is with YOU.

If the guy is all over you then you should be thrilled and happy.

My wife is long and lean. Before I dated her I seemed to only date women who where of shorter height and usually not skinny! It wasn't a criteria, it just happened that way I guess. So if I applied your reasoning to my situation it would have doomed a great relationship??

Try not to obsess... and really try not to push this on to him (forcing him to admit... might mean forcing him to SAY even if he doesn't believe it)... if there is anything you should worry about it is not the shape of your body, it is your worrying.

Try to be grateful that this guy likes you as you are. If you don't like yourself as you are, OK. But don't push away a great guy because you are not happy with your body.

You need to believe you deserve a relationship that is good, and right now you seem to be the only one who doesn't believe you are good enough for him.

Catseyes · Jun 12, 2006, 06:26 PM

My story :husband is 6"4, I am 5"4.
When we started dating, he also said he was attracted to tall and skinny girls : he particularly said he liked girls with tiny butts ( like the models in all the magazines ). Hum, I'm not obese, but I'm not skinny either. I've got a little fat ( I am on the upper limit of the healthy BMI, which is just one representation of a healthy weight )), which makes me look more healthy than some Hollywood stars. I feel good, I exercise , and I enjoy food as well .
Now, we've been married for two years and going strong.

It's just stereotypes. Same when girls say they like guys with blond hair, blue eyes and no hair on the torso. That's crap, you just like someone or you don't.

Just be yourself : it takes two for a couple : you're dating, and have been for 7months. Stay healthy, that's all. Your personnality will do the rest.
And even if you split ( for whatever reason ) don't necessarily balme it on you and your weight.