So, Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 years and we started having sex about 4 months ago. I was a virgin so having sex was a very big deal for me. We just got back from a month vacation and at first we were all over each other the first couple days but now we haven't had sex for 5 days. He was giving me oral the other night and when I asked to have sex he tried to avoid the topic. I brought it up with him later that night and he said that he feels like its like a job now. He feels like I always want to have sex and sometimes he just isn't in the mood. He said that he feels like a loser not feeling likeh aving sex and it makes him less of a man and that he's letting me down. He told me not to take it personally but its really hard not to take it personally. What should I do?

May I ask you how old the both of you are? How was your sex life before? Personally speaking that 5 days without sex doesn't seem that bad. Maybe he is just tired? If he works full time he could be too spent to get busy by the time he gets home.

If you are older or even mid-30's there could be some hormonal or other health problem that could dampen his appetite for sex.

The second thing I was thinking of is that perhaps your B/F is experience some emotional or even physical ailment that might be lowering his libido?

He may also feel that when the two of you are together that all you are thinking about is having sex with him. He might think that that is all you are interested in him for is good sex vs. his mind/heart/spirit. Might sound odd, but its my understanding that guys care about that stuff at least to some degree as well.

Perhaps you could incorporate some non-sexual physical contact in your regimen. Something like cuddling? Or long periods of just kissing or massage? This might put him in more of a mood than getting busy right away.

I have a sneaking suspicion that his problems stem from feelings of depression or performance anxiety. Have you talked to him and asked him if there was anything going on that might make him less enthusiastic about sex?

The last thing I was thinking about is that maybe he would like you to do something different or wants to ask about a sex act that he thinks you might find gross or embarrassing? Ask him if there is something he likes imparticular that you can do. If he takes the bait/jumpstart-- promise that you won't laugh, be shocked or act appalled by anything he asks. Stick to it. If he proposes something that you don't think you would be comfortable with then you can simply say that you don't feel comfortable with that, but maybe something else? Make sure he knows that it is simply a matter of personal preference and nothing to do with what you think about whatever it is.

If you think you could try whatever he proposes... give it a try. You never know... wink.

Hope this helps... but the best thing to do is just ASK him. Letting him know that you aren't judging him is the most important.

Good luck to you.