hello first of all thanks to anyone trying to help me figure this out.my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.And i´ve always given hope to the matter that hes not cheap.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an ok job for that, and should I be looking at the very little amount of money he spends on me. . . .for my birthday he gave me a walmart perfume.And lately for months now I have been paying for most of our entertainment.His response to when I tried to talk to him about it was well we dont have to be going out Im okay with just chilling with you here at the house.But I know we have to go out sometimes and those times I guess he doesn´,t have money.Ive also lent him money several times.I dont know but it´s affecting every aspect of our relationship.
.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an ok job for that,
There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.
It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.
What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?
Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.
There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.
It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.
What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?
Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.
I still don't see where she doesn't contribute - lots of people on AMHD own houses. Some of us have spouses and "friends" who contribute. Others do not.
I don't read anything into a post except what is said and I see no indication that she doesn't help with the bills, including food.
Do you feel your wife is taking advantage of you and that's the reason you are taking this stand?
not at all. If you were to read my posts you will see that we SHARE the bills.
Also as stated above, the reason that this man might be feeling this way is his deep inner need - that has not been addressed- to provide for his woman is being hampered by his lack of a better job.
She thinks he is cheap when in fact - as I have pointed out - he is most likely is broke. On top of that he has no money and she has. So now he is begging in his own house.. how awful for a man. That is like a kick in the face to a man's ego.
Here is a sample of my growing up...
My mother worked and my Father worked. My Father said that whatever money that my mother made was less money that he had to give her. My father figured that all of the money - including the funds that I made at 16- was HIS money as it was HIS house.
In a way it was since he no longer had to give his money to me cause I had my own.
So now you have this pour man who's worth as a hunter gatherer is gone and he wants to relax in his house. For some reason this is a hostile though to women in general cause they feel hard done by cause he has no money left cause he is a failure.
IT IS NOT ABOUT HER contributing...it is about HIS FEELINGS
I dont read anything that implies the OP lives with this guy. It sounds like she lives at her parents home and doesnt spend the money she earns on bills etc. and this guy has a home and a car and is just barely getting by.
I'd like to know how old the OP and this guy are and what the living situation is.
does he spend money on ANYTHING else other than bills? I dont think we really have enough info to make any claims about this guy. He could be spending everything he makes on just trying to get by...
or if he is spending his extra money on other things that are not necessary then maybe he doesnt have his priorities straight... or you just arent his priority.
OR... maybe he is saving his money up to buy you an engagement ring.
There is simply no way to tell with his this much info.
The poster ask for help to figure this out. So a psychoanalytical subjection as to why her boyfriend is acting this way is not a result of my opinions which I can see that the women here do not want to nor feel that they need to address the realities of being a man in today's society.
It might be that the women here have their id all over there self to help their ego along without thoughts of his feelings.
To conjecture that my perspective on the male physique is some how irrelevant cause I am a man is ludicrous and evades the question the poster asked. - which was more of a statement than a question.
Talking to him of course would be the best possible answer. Or if she feels like she is addressing his feelings and wants to go out then she can simply pay some of the bills, or half the mortgage and then use the rest of the funds to go out with him, cause he will now have money cause you know in a RELATIONSHIP that values EACH OTHER it is LOVE that will bind them together.
Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.
That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.
So lets leave let our comments be constructive instead of destructive. After all, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.
That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.
definately a good point. i agree. we have no way of knowing the WHOLE story, and if the only problem is that he got her cheap walmart purfume, than i would say he isnt really the problem here.
There are many ways of looking at a relationship and one of which is no romance, no sharing, no caring, just a convenience thing and that is what it seems to be to him.
I very highly suggest if you want a relationship where your guy spends money on you because he thinks you are special and you deserve the best.
Get rid of homeo and find you a romeo. Life is too short to be nothing but a convenience to your boyfriend.
In closing, I bet a hundred dollar bill this guy cannot even spell romance let alone be a part of it.
Start looking asap, I mean, what is there to lose, you got it, nothing.
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