Of course, I agree. It's time to move on. And now, two days later I am seeing more and more how it probably wouldn't have worked out: I'm a 21 year old college student, growing and developing who I will be, and he's already basically become the person he will continue to be for the rest of his life, not to mention he's thinking marriage and kids at some point soon.

I guess now, I do have that understanding. But I wish I had asked him when he started thinking about it so seriously. Some of you claim he just wasn't that interested, but I'm having a hard time believing that. I mean, when I left for a 3 week trip to Europe he requested that we stay in touch through e-mail, which we did. He would even send me e-mails saying he was thinking about me. He immediately messaged me when I got back and scheduled a day to see me. Then he immediately scheduled another. On our last date, he asked that I sleepover and the next morning he couldn't let me go. At one point he was on the computer, as I was changing and gathering my stuff and he walked over to me and kissed me, and held me. Then he said he felt we should go to the beach next time. Not to mention that the night before we were supposed to go on a double date with a good friend of his and his friends girlfriend, but his friend had to postpone so he was seeing him the next day, which he also invited me to. So he would have introduced me to a close friend of his. Aren't all these signs of interest?

I feel like it may have been in big part his friends' influences. That morning I was at his place, he was getting ready to go running with a friend. So I feel like he probably told his friend about the 21 girl he's dating sleeping over, and his friend didn't understand what he was doing. The next day he had to help another friend move out, and that friend probably said the same. And he had told me that he talked about it with many of his friends, and thought about it for a while, and felt like it just wouldn't work out, as much as he enjoyed our time together.

I'm sorry I keep bringing this up. I'm on my way to recovery, and I feel that this probably is the best situation for the both of us. I guess I just have some unanswered questions, but I don't want to bring it up with him again. Does what I'm thinking make sense? And should I stay in touch with him? I feel like we laughed so much and had such a great time together, it would be sad to not keep him at least as a friend. Which is what he wants, is to remain at least friends when we're both ready. We talked on the phone for about an hour, and he kept saying "I've never experienced anything like this before, we never really established anything but I feel like this is a break up" and then he'd say that he didn't want to hang up knowing that this would be our last conversation together.

Also, maybe he was right in the crossing paths. Maybe in the future I'll be in stage in my life closer to his, and we will be able to try this again. We honestly had such a great connection. At least, considering the short amount of time we had been together, I can definitely see it happening if I'm not with anyone at that time, and if he's not with anyone at that time either. If that did happen maybe we're meant to be together and this was just not the right time for us to happen. Of course, if we both find someone before that, then it obviously wasn't meant to be, and I'm okay with that too.

I guess I feel like he must be a great guy to be able to end something great, for the best of us. But then again, maybe as you guys said there was something more that he wasn't telling me. I just don't feel like that was the case, from the way he was around me. And he has a strong personality, and is a very ambitious guy, I feel like it would make sense for him to look at it in an objective point of view.

I guess what I'm getting at is: Does this make sense? I almost want to contact him to answer my questions just for closure. But if I feel like I already know what he may answer, I don't want to re-open the discussion for nothing. Also, could staying in touch be a good idea? Considering that we got along so incredibly well?

You need to let this go. Staying in touch will not allow you to heal.
He may have enjoyed being with you but he sees no future there wants no future there. You should respect that and leave him alone.

I know, he clearly didn't see this going anywhere.
But he did say that maybe it would work out if we crossed paths in the future. I told him that would be unrealistic to think that way, especially considering that I will forever be 8 years younger, but he kept insisting that I would be at a point closer to his and that it could work out at that point. And he was the one who wanted us to remain friends.

I just don't understand why he would be so hot and cold about it. It seemed like one minute he was completely into it, and then three days after thinking about it he just freaked out.
If we were to continue as friends, I would obviously wait till I'm ready whether it be a month or 2 months from now. Maybe that point would never come, and I'd never truly get over it, at which point I just wouldn't stay in touch with him..

How long was this actually going on?

2 or 3 years? Or 2 months?

You don't have a history with this guy,in fact,you barely know each other.

Your strung out of what if's and what could have been,you know the reality,you know the facts.

Does not matter a damn how nice or great he was,at the end of the day,he did not want to pursue a romantic relationship with you,and you know this too.

Your head knows it,tell your heart.

You became emotional attached very fast,that's a red flag to you on how to go about future dates... go slowly,don't just date one guy.

Your feelings are hurt now and you have all these questions,my advice is keep moving on,don't make any contact.

If you need closure after a few dates,again,a red flag to yourself,that's not good.

Put a note to self in your head... date slowly,don't get attached to quickly.

I still think you should leave it alone. His saying maybe some day down the road is a nice way of saying don't take it personal but it's not going to work.
If you don't keep in touch with him he probably would not contact you unless you happen to cross his mind.
You are thinking like a 21 year old female. He is thinking like a 30 year old man.
Leave it alone. You two are not on the same page. Maybe one day you will be but for now get on with your life.

A dose of reality on his intentions while you were in Europe: He was thinking about you so much that he had sex with a another woman and the condom broke. He may not have gotten a disease, but did she get pregnant or have a 'scare'?

Let him and whatever his issues are go. Heal. Talk with your mother openly about having an active sex life so that you don't feel like you have to lie to her about where you are. Living at 'home' is one thing, lying to your mother about your whereabouts is another.

You guys are right.
Man, it's so hard to look at a situation objectively when you're in it. At least for me it is. And that probably shows that I am young and naïve and can only learn from these experiences. It will take time for me to look at situations in terms of what's best for me, like he did, rather than allowing my emotions to make my decisions for me. But someday I will!
I didn't even realize I was falling for him so quickly. I just have such a hard time being interested in someone (I've only kissed one guy before him, and that was my ex-boyfriend of 3 years), so I feel like the fact that I actually liked this guy got me so excited, and therefore made me grow attached to him a lot quicker.

Anyway, better luck next time! I'm moving on, and feel good about it.
Thanks so much for all of your advice, I really appreciate it!

Sometimes after a long term relationship ends we tend to get really involved when the next thing comes along and we throw caution to the wind, and just jump in to fast for our own good. I too have been through the same thing and then had to slap myself asking how could I have fallen so hard for this person.

I think its partly being so happy to have this new person, that we just forget to look before we leap, and we ignore all the stuff that should have made us stop, and think. Okay I admit, I stopped thinking and was just doing, going with the flow.

But I think after thinking on it and getting your sense back, you may actually see that its for the best that life did for you what you couldn't do for yourself, and that was change the path you were on.

Don't worry, its going to be okay.

I don't think you are young and naïve. Inexperienced, yes. However, you are also human. Objectivity is hard to keep sight of for most people no matter what their age or maturity level is. Read other people's threads and you will quickly understand that you aren't alone and that you have actually accepted reality faster than most.

I think once you are a bit more removed from the situation you will find you weren't as involved as you thought you were at the time.

The main lesson here is that you can have fun dating just don't get swept off your feet by someone who might be looking for a little more 'fun' and a lot less 'relationship'.

Speaking of reconnecting, he already did. He texted me today asking how my first week at school went, and if I got into all the classes I wanted.

To which I responded, that I got into all of the classes I wanted, thank goodness so I my first week went really well. Thanks for asking.

I don't understand why he would text me so soon? I definitely wasn't ready for it. It gave me a false hope I didn't need, and now I'm thinking about him again. I would have liked to ask him how he was doing and continue the talk but I can't say I'm ready for that. I did the right thing right? I would have also liked to ask him why he's texting me, he's the one who ended it! But that obviously would have been ridiculous. I wish he had at least waited a couple of weeks.

I'm sorry. I thought that last message was going to be my last post about this subject. Just keeping you guys updated...

I didn't think it would be. The break up is still very new to you. The concept of No Contact is even newer.

To keep your own confusion down, don't encourage communication by accepting or responding to any contact from him.

Block him. Delete. Ignore. De-friend. Whatever it takes to give you the space you need to heal. IF someday you want to be in contact with him, make it after you have gotten over the past and thrown out the baggage. You don't want to end up in a rebound relationship because the past was dealt with properly.

Keep coming back as long as you need to. Read other threads and see how other people have handled their break ups. Learn from the mistakes others have made. Maybe even help someone else.

All right, well I'm back again with an update! A month or so has passed, and I haven't forgotten about him of course, but I've definitely moved on. I'm at a point where I can think about him and smile at the good times we spent getting to know each other, and not feel regret or saddened by what happened. Plus, my schedule has gotten so hectic I honestly don't think I would have been able to juggle him along with everything going on in my life right now. So, I think it most definitely was for the best! The main reason I've come back to this post is that he messaged me today! Via Facebook message saying "How are ya darlin?". It's great to hear from him, and I'd like to remain friends. But I'm not going to lie, I am still attracted to him so I can't help but wonder why he insists on staying in contact? Is it possible for a guy to honestly seek just friendship by staying in contact with someone he dated in the past? I'm planning on answering when I get the chance, but I'm trying to figure out how to approach it. Just keep it short and sweet, right? I'd like for us to be able to grab some coffee every now and then to catch up, but I'm thinking it may be too early for that. Thoughts?

It sounds like you are doing well with NC. I wouldn't chance a set back by returning his contact, yet. I'd give it more time to be certain I wasn't going to be pulled back in emotionally.

There are many threads where people thought they were doing well and accepted contact or instigated it then discovered they weren't as far along as they thought they were.

As for staying friends, some people can. Some people think they can, but are wrong. Friendship gives them false hope and mixed signals. It adds confusion over the real status of the relationship. Please don't put yourself through that. Give the emotional dust a bit longer to settle before thinking about being friends.

Good luck.

As long as you wonder about the motives of an ex you are still attracted to, leave them alone, as your healing process is not completed. If a simple text can raise a bit of confusion, think about what seeing them over coffee would do.

Take more time for yourself. You may feel better now after a month or so, but 2 or 3 months is a better idea.

I agree with talaniman and Cat1864.
You still have some feelings, some questions, leave it alone.

Glad you're doing so well.

So you guys think I should just ignore his message? Won't that seem rude? I was thinking of at least responding, asking him how he's doing and that's it. No coffee included...
Another part of it is that lately I've been looking to move out, which has been the main event in my life this month which I would normallly mention in my answer but I don't want him thinking I'm telling him this so he can come back to me! (Since living with my mom was one of the deal breakers) So maybe I just shouldn't mention it... that is if I'm even answering?

I don't think you should respond. This about you not him. You are the one healing. It is just like NC. So no, you are not being rude, you are looking out for yourself.
He does not need to know anything about your life.

Rude?? Why is not appearing to be rude worth your own healing? You would jeopardize your well being to be polite?? Come on, you don't know his intentions, or motives, so why put yourself at risk by stoking old fires, and keeping old wounds from healing?

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

He may not intend to hurt you, but will if you let him. That's your responsibility to protect yourself, no matter what he intends. Reread your post again, and see what you have already gone through. He has distanced himself from a relationship with you, and is just checking his traps at this time to see what's up, and if the fun part can continue without commitments, or titles.

You better be rude in your own interests, until you gain an objective view of protecting yourself. What's your hurry to jumping back to a situation that hurt you before?? Go back to post# 17, since you seem to have forgotten what got you here.

Talaniman Rules- when you get dumped, don't go back to get dumped again

You got dumped after a few dates remember? Why go back to that confusion, and leave your heart open to more hurt? Don't let your curiosity keep the door open for more heartbreak. There will be many guys who you will be attracted to because they look good at first on paper, but he had a chance and blew it, you got hurt and dumped. Those are facts to face.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Rude is contacting you and expecting an answer as though he hadn't dumped you because it he thought it wouldn't work out.

Block his email. If you don't receive it, you can't contemplate responding to it.

Communication at this point is like picking flowers on the edge of a cliff. You reach out to pick that pretty flower, then you see the next one and reach for it. Soon, you are standing on rocks that are falling out from under your feet stretching out into thin air trying to reach the next flower. You know the ground is going to give way, but you just have to have to have that flower whatever the cost. False hope has a tendency to send you falling back into an emotional mess like the rocks falling out from under your feet. Stay safe-don't respond.