okay, so here's the story - i'm 16 and a girl my age who's been my friend for a few years now has a boyfriend who is known to have a trust problem and is a year older. one weekend, her boyfriend went away and we started getting kind of close - she even came over to my house, and we held hands and i could have kissed her but didn't. i decided it wasn't right. later, she told me that she liked me.

i am quite sure that she will want to be involved with me once they break up, but for now they continue to be involved, and saddeningly enough for me, have sex. i can't stop thinking about her.

since she didn't break up with him, i feel like i won't be able to enjoy it if i go with her after they do break up...should i consider that "sloppy seconds"?

any other advice would also be greatly appreciated.

fondly,
nat

shygrneyzs

I hate to see you even have the notion, "sloppy seconds". That is degrading and if that is what you think of this girl, then do her a favor and leave her alone. As I am sure that someday her sexual past would come up in conversation or an argument and that is dirty pool - to use her past as some sort of club to beat her up with.

Now, if you can look at her and look beyond her past, then fine. Everyone, at one point in their life, develops a past. You have one too - we all do. I also have a question about your ability to trust her. Look what you said - she has a current bf who was away and she came over to your house. You two held hands. What does that say to you about her and what does that say about you?

I would not trust either one of you. Her for not respecting herself enough when she already has a boyfriend and you, for not respecting her relationship with her bf. "Your Cheatin' Heart" - that old song, comes to mind.

Valerius

I think it's a bit presumptuous to assume that I'd use her sexual past as a "club to beat her up with" - I'm not one to cudgel those i'm fond of. in any case, thanks for the response - i just don't understand one thing. you say 'sloppy seconds' as if i am referring to her - not the case! i'm referring to myself! Hopefully this will change your idea of 'degredation'

Fr_Chuck

I started to delete the question, but it appeas ( I hope) you don't know what the term means. It deals with having sex one right after another

It does not mean dating more than one person, but the pure sexual acts.

If after hearing this, you would like this deleted message me, since the term is offensive to some people ( including me)

J_9

Valerius,

It seems you have much to learn in the game that is life. Using the term 'sloppy seconds' whether to her or to you, is a very degrading term in and of itself. So, just let that thought leave your brain and don't use it again, okay?

Shy made a good point in my mind that you are using her sexual past as a club to beat her up with because you state this


Just because you do not beat her up physically, it is a term meant that you may carry this emotional baggage because you can't stop thinking about her.

You see, we have many many years on you, as a matter of fact I have 2 sons older than you, I believe Shy does too. So, not only were where you are when we were 16, but we have raised the children too.

You mention that her boyfriend is known to have a trust problem. Well, it is apparent to at least me, that she does not. She should not have been with you while her boyfriend was out of town. Also, understand what that speaks of you that you were with a girl who had a boyfriend. I hope he is not the jealous type and I hope he does not find out.

Valerius

what a disaster, this was my first post and i already messed it up - sorry to offend any of you guys. urbandictionary can be pretty trivial, i'll just google it. thanks for the understanding.

Valerius

i feel like an imbecile...

J_9

Oh, Dear, it is not a disaster, you learned something didn't you?

The term simply put means having sex with a woman moments after another man does. It terms her as easy, loose, and any other word you may want to put there.

Valerius

well, with that cleared up, let's refer back to my question - what i'm really asking here is if i perhaps start a relationship with her after her boyfriend and her break up (hands off until then!), is it right to feel as though i'm the second choice (NOT the aforementioned term)

J_9

I think it would be best to leave this girl alone. You already know that in essence she cheated on him with you, even though there was nothing more than holding hands, it can be considered cheating. So, what makes you think she won't do that to you?