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nakescha · May 30, 2010, 06:29 AM

In the beginning he was telling me he loved me, wanted someone of his own, he chased me. I told him I just wanted to be friends because I don't want to get hurt again. He told me he was different than other guys I will see. 8 months later when I start to show my feelings for him he says it seems like you want more and I just want to be friends. What is that about? Did I do something? Will he ever call again? I didn't realize I had fallen in love with him.

I wish · May 30, 2010, 10:03 AM

How old are you?

If you can't get on the same page through honest communication, then you can't force the issue. If he doesn't want the same thing as you, then you're better off finding someone else who feels the same way about you.

Devorameira · May 30, 2010, 02:27 PM

It's hard to say what he's thinking. He may be one of those guys that simply love "the chase". Once they catch you, the interest starts fading away.

I'd just back away and start dating someone else.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 04:08 PM

You reward him for wasting your time by leaving him alone, and forgetting any friendship.

Very immature in my book. But a good lesson for the future. I think he was just giving you back the same line you gave him, and it was about stroking his ego that he pursued you. As I said immature and ego driven.

nakescha · May 30, 2010, 08:00 PM

I am 37 and he is 36... He was married to his HS sweetheart for 17 years, and she cheated on him, they have been divorced for 3 years now. She is remarried and has a family. He has not had a relationship since. But in the beginning he was texting me he loved me, he never thought he would feel this way after his past, he doesn't like to share.. to turn around and do this. So I didn't call for two days and he calls today like nothing is changed.. confusing and I don't stick around for MESS!

I did answer the phone and was very non chalant, didn't bring up nothing about feelings or US hooking up past,present,future.. but he would make comments like we are still on the kicking it level...

aimee_tt · May 30, 2010, 08:09 PM

Tell him that you can no longer stay in cotact with him until your over your own feelings. Tell him to not contact you.

The message you want to give him is... You don't want me and you can't have me on the side.

Forget him.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 09:40 PM

Why would you even talk to the guy??

I wish · May 31, 2010, 05:52 AM

Is he actually aware of your true feelings? If he is aware, but he still only wants something casual, then why are you sticking around?

I think part of you if hoping that he will wake up one day and tell you that he wants a serious relationship.

Reality check!! That's setting yourself up for disappointment. Who really knows what he wants and when he wants. Do you really want to wait around for something that might never happen?

O_Troubles · May 31, 2010, 06:24 AM

Maybe he isn't ready to move on maybe he wanted a chase maybe he wanted you to open up and when you did he realized he wasn't so compatible or he got afraid of commitment. Who knows but if he's going to be friends one day and back to who knows what the next day maybe it's a sign you should look at. I'm sure he's a nice guy but wouldn't you rather be with a guy who knows what he wants and won't hurt you because this guy already sounds like he has or will

Jake2008 · May 31, 2010, 06:55 AM

He sounds to me like he has a lot of emotional baggage that he carries around.

While on one hand he may think that the relationship may go somewhere, he may be thinking at the same time of where the last one went. Then he backs off, and sends mixed messages. He wants you, but he doesn't want history to either repeat itself. Either way, he seems a bit stuck in the past in my opinion.

If you want a friendship, or you want to settle for a friendship with this man, it may be a long wait before he is able to commit to a long term relationship with you.

Torrid13 · May 31, 2010, 07:53 PM

The biggest red flag I see when reading this is the whole thing of him telling you he loved you in the beginning.

He set you up, Darlin'. Plain & simple. He saw you wanting to be "just friends" as a challenge, & when he finally got you to actually have feelings for him, he suddenly just wanted to be friends, too.

He's a conceited prick. You should be thanking God, your peanut butter sandwich, Orlando Bloom, whoever you worship, that you're not in a relationship with this guy!

You shouldn't even be his friend! Bah. HUMBUG!

catdon · Nov 14, 2010, 10:01 AM

Please understand when a guy says the friend word. Run run run because if he really wanted you he would fight for you no matter what unless you also want to be friends of course.
Don't let him play with your feelings you are not a fishing rod and he cannot treat you this way just to suit him don't get hooked your sure to get hurt tell him=you have enough of friends in your life and you don't want anymore. Good luck and let me know how you got on.