Hi. I am 18 years old, haven't had one relationship that lasted more than two weeks (except for in 6th grade, but that hardly counts), and am VERY shy. I have a hard time talking to guys, especially the cute ones. When I was younger I really didn't think I was good-looking, but now that I'm passed the "awkward" stage I still have low self-esteem and NO confidence in regards to dating. I do know that I am pretty and I do know that I am good enough for these guys, but I just can't seem to be confident.

Any advice?

And a question for you guys: If a girl is shy, does the fact that she doesn't talk so much a turn off or does it seem like she's not interested or what? And how can I let a guy know I'm interested without coming right out and saying it? I know guys always say that they can't read minds and "hinting" never really works, but I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. Lol

stargazer10

someone please help me.... i feel like no one is answering

kristynn

I'll give you my opinion here...

Someone who's shy may sometimes be perceived as introverted - meaning that they focus more on themselves [shy] - rather than extroverted - focusing on the others [outgoing].

I think it is a turn off for some or most guys. It is a huge off for me when a guy is shy, but it can also be challenging (a good thing!). They do not say much, they can't even look in your eyes sometimes, and it's hard to really know what their intentions are and it's not that easy to get to know them either.
I used to be a very shy kid, but as I grew up I became more extroverted and let me tell you I feel much better now as an "extrovert". I am still shy sometimes though; I think everybody is. But actually, there's no goodness in being shy. Yet, it doesn't mean you have to be 100% bold.

What I personnally think is that guys are really bad at "reading minds", as you say, and getting the hints. Sometimes, you have to be straight forward with them, but only sometimes...

How to let them know you're interested? Maybe try to give them more attention and try to make them talk, try to find out more things about them. But you'll have to initiate the talking!! Discuss things you have in common, smile and make eye contact. You must ask questions. Hopefully, he will answer and ask you questions too. You can even compliment him - but subtly. That's always nice. Be around him whenever you can and maybe, try to make him feel special sometimes. A little thing could go a long way. Basically, give him attention. Flirt a little bit, too. He should get it... and if he's interested in you, you should get it too. If not, being friends is always a good option.

huno

As a guy, I'll tell you what I've noticed and experienced:

First off, yes--shy guys are a huge turn-off; men are expected to lead, to initiate, and to be strong. Culture and upbringing can change that, but that's normally the way we're wired, and women are wired to like that. It's not to say a shy guy will definitely NOT meet girls who are attracted to him, but it's just not a beneficial trait to have (speaking from personal experience).

But you're a girl, and so you ask if being shy is a turn-off to guys. The answer, IMHO, is not at first. Women are not expected to be dominant or aggressive; guys want them to be nurturing, caring, social, and look great in short skirts. If you can nail down 3 of the 4, you're in.

So assuming you like caring for sick animals, genuinely cry during romantic movies and have a pair of legs that make Britney Spears turn green with envy, then the "social" aspect of things can be ignored... at first. Guys will probably approach you even if you seem to be very closed off to the world but once they do start talking, if you can't hold a conversation with a guy then he may come away thinking you're stuck-up, conceited, or too proud/important to talk to him. You would appear disinterested; and even if he does figure you're just shy, after a while he'd become bored and leave.

In fact, I did try to make a relationship with one girl I met who was drop-dead beautiful, but she's just too shy and quiet. I was assured by her best friend (who is also my cousin) that "she's just that way, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you, she's quiet around everyone..." But after three months I gave up on her--our conversations were entirely too dull and I decided we weren't a good match. Sucks, too, because she was definitely what I was looking for in a potential GF.

So my advice to you is that you should try, little by little, to be more social and learn to enjoy talking to others, including guys. I used to be painfully shy and the one thing I was told by people after I got to know them was that they thought I was a snob, and I definitely didn't want that so I bit the bullet and started working on eliminating my inhibitions. I think you should do that, too. Once you've learned to be a bit more talkative, I think the rest will fall into place (and you can probably stop wearing short skirts).

Jiser

Don't worry to much. I didn't have my first serious relationship until i was 20! Be yourself and in time you will meet the right person.

Having said that, be fun, bubbly enjoy life, flirt a bit, its definitely easier to get on with people are more outgoing and not shy and miserable - you tend to avoid these types of people again though don't judge a book by its covers :P

If your shy why not try meeting new people, starting a new hobby or sport.

Asher

Hmm, being quiet and reserved can be represented as anything depending on the person on the receiving end. He'll either think you're not interested or you're boring. A conversation does require both sides to participate and do something. I'm sure hinting is good, but I never really took notice. So good luck with that.

I'd say try getting a part time job. I got my first one a few months back and I learned how to be confident in the faces of many. Surprisingly, it worked out well. I'm more adept to talking to customers about certain topics, etc. without making it so awkward like it used to be. So try it.

And here's the thing. Just be yourself and try to let go of any past feelings of negativity and bad memories. Heck, I'm still trying to break the barrier of shyness too and it's almost gone. I pray that you do the same. ;]

goodgirl

get a friend to ask if he like u and if u can get a friend send some notes do not say your name and a little gift

fugitivechemical

don't worry, i personally think that girls that are quiet are mysterious

klimlor

im only 17 ive never had a girlfriend sept for 3 days and i cought her cheating on me.. im normally shy and it dosent work to well but give hints like wanting hugs holding hands or hooking arms if ur friends with the person if not just try to get there atetion and hang out a few times physical signs are the best... hidning your true intentions through riddles can just be confusing and can cause us to go home a think till we have a badd baddd headache