Me (Libra) and my current boyfriend (Pisces) have been dating for 5 months. At first he was very affectionate and intimate. He always held my hand, kissed me, told me how much I meant to him etc. Sex was a issue at first because I don't really enjoy it because it usually, if not always, hurts. I have Vaginismus. Basically, love making becomes systematic for me. We talked about it and he said that he understood that sex would be every now and then. About 2months ago he started pressuring me to have sex. It got so bad I was thinking about breaking up with him. I stopped talking to him and distanced myself so I wouldn't be as hurt. We sat down and talked about it and had a heart to heart. He said that it was totally fine not having sex until i wanted to. He said that he was very upset that he thought he was losing me. He was still intimate and affectionate at this time. The other "blow up" was about 3 weeks ago. He wanted me to stop staying at his house. I told him that it was his house that I will leave if he wanted me to. Well, he said that he didn't want me to leave so i didn't. Said that he couldn't deal with not having sex. That it was killing him. He just couldn't do it anymore. Then while i packed my stuff up he asked why i didn't want to fight to stay. He said that i just say 'No' too much and that our relationship was perfect just missing the sex. He said that if i gave him what he wanted (sex), i would get what i wanted. We had sex a whole lot and he still doesnt pay attention to me. Lately he hasn't wanted to hold my hand, kiss me other than hello and goodbye. He tells me he loves me all the time and i know that he does. When i try to love on him, sit in his lap, or lean in for a kiss, he basically looks around my head to see the tv screen, computer screen, etc. Ive told him that I need affection and to feel like i mean something to him. Now i dont know what to do. He still hasn't given me anything. I really like this guy, what is the next step? Help!

talaniman

No it wasn't.
So much for talking and making things fine.
Words, but what are the actions telling you (I see the lack of effort.) Your words.
You mean talk to you about your concerns, needs, and wants?? He must be a lousy listener too.
That was a very real point, and not to be harsh at all, this could be at the heart of the problem, as it can get frustrating for a guy to know that sex is not enjoyed by his partner, and that needs some talking about, or seeing a doctor for help. At least be actively trying. I think I may be a bit put off, or distant about love, sex, and affection if I were him to.

He is probably as frustrated as you are.

Maybe you need some alternatives to vaginal sex, or some new bedroom skills to help until you find a more permanent solution to your medical problems. couldn't hurt to talk it over.

No communication, no relationship.

makapuu

I think you should go to couples counseling. He probably can't be affectionate with you because it makes him horny. You want affection without sex.