| Questions like yours make me nervous. It makes me wonder if my advice is going to be used to persecute some helpless shmuck who has no idea how needy someone can be.
Do you understand my concern? Of course I understand you don't want to waste time on losers and bad matches, but does that mean when you first start going out with someone they have to prove themselves to you in some specific way?
Wait, yes, it does mean that. Hehe. Ok, so you and I agree that you need to be making judgements and not waste time on losers.
BUT. That doesn't mean you are off the hook. Far from it. I believe that your most important task in dating is keeping it honest. BOTH OF YOU, though, not just the guy. To get to the honesty in a relationship means you have to sit through the dishonest courting that comes in the first few months. That means EVERY TIME you choose to date someone, you're committing a lot of time to waiting that period out.
If you're honest, and keep your feelings out of it, most of the time you will discover you're dating a bad match and one or both of you will realize it and end it.
Here is where I think you and I differ. Does breaking off mean you wasted the time? I don't believe it does. I call that a success. A failure is not figuring out you two aren't compatible until after you're married...with children...and debt...
So, my best advice is go slow, waste some time, but be honest, pay attention, but make sure you're having a good time and continuing to develop your individual life outside of your dates, ok? |