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jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 06:58 AM

Thanks

ScottGem · Sep 2, 2008, 07:02 AM

I would not push this. Unless you know that he is sneaking up to the attic to spend time with those things I would not push it.

You can explain to him that having the items there bothers you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him to remove them, but I wouldn't be adamant. That could backfire on you. It also shows you are insecure in your relationship.

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I would not push this. Unless you know that he is sneaking up to the attic to spend time with those things I would not push it.

You can explain to him that having the items there bothers you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him to remove them, but I wouldn't be adamant. That could backfire on you. It also shows you are insecure in your relationship.

Yes I am insecure in this relaitionship I have never felt like this with anyone
I hate that he has a past and I cannot except it
He still emails her which I have read we argued about it as he says he has to be nice
Or she'll take him for more money in the divorce.

I just want this house to be rid of her, I moved into this house with all furntiure so its bad enough I have to sit on the same sette they brought together, but I really want rid of all the past I can't stand her being in this house still if you know what I mean.

Thank you for you response I won't push it I will find the right time to confront him and ask him to get rid maybe.

liz28 · Sep 2, 2008, 07:15 AM

You can't make him erase his past with his soon to be ex-wife. Your living in the same house they share so what's the big problem? Burning some of his thing aren't right, don't you have things like pictures or some keepsake given to you by your ex? I know I do and know it's part of my past but I still have them and once in a while reflect on it. In any case why can he keep some things? Also, why do you feel so insecure? By the way, feel free to answer this question or not but was your seeing each other while he was married? Also, him emailing his wife should not be a major issue because maybe they're sorting things out.

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:19 AM

Yes we were seeing each other while they were marries they were separated she moved bk to UK (we live overseas) he has moved into a different house that we are in now so that not so bad,

I don't have any memories or pictures of past relationships I think once you have left and got on with your life why keep all those things to remind you, especially when your in a new relationship. I understand where your coming from I really do, but I can't cope with him having these things it gets me down a lot.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 07:22 AM

I hope you rethink confronting, him and talk and listen to express yourself, in a less threatening way.

Before you do that, deal with your own insecurities, that are fueling these feelings, or your baby daddy will not be as co operative at all. I can almost assure you, your feelings will cause more problems than it solves.

Think about it, from a rational, logical point of view, and not from jealous insecurity. You knew of his past before you had that baby by him, so don't expect him to change, but you must.

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:22 AM

Sorry forgot - - - - they don't sort things out when emailing they tell each other there meet up for coffee and stuff when he returns to UK on his own. They also talk about they think about each other what there doing etc he wants to support her with her problems bla bla - but he can't support me when I need him :(

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:26 AM

That's the thing he isn't co operative at all he doesn't like to listen to what I have to say.

He's stuborn and does what he wants and likes he doesn't listen and always ends in an argument.

I knew of his past yes but I didn't think she would still be living under this roof in a kind of way and hed still be emailing her - it hurts knowing that he hasn't moved on cause in my eyes if he had it would be over with emailing and keeping in touch

liz28 · Sep 2, 2008, 07:30 AM

Maybe their not over each other. I thought you meant they were talking about things related to their divorce through email. Things happen and maybe he feels sorry or the need to help but I thought they made an agreement, money wise, by your other post. I think you need to do something for yourself and don't have your life revolve around him. These things happen and like Tal said all these things should've been consider before hand.

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:33 AM

Yeah I know thank you

I will start to do things for myself from now on
Only time will tell I suppose if I can cope with this (his past) much longer, if not then life goes on hey
I think there not over each other it was a 1 year eelationship hey ho ill find a way of coping

Thanks for your comments

liz28 · Sep 2, 2008, 07:37 AM

Was he always stubborn and never really paid you any mind? If so, this is the way he's and mostly he won't change. If not, is it due to the divorce? Maybe you need to reflect on what your have because what you see and getting from him now is the way he's going be if he don't change. Maybe things moved to fast for your two. He started something with you without settling things between him and his wife and all because he they were separated didn't mean he ever stopped loving her.

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:44 AM

Always yes ha ha

Yeah we used to have a laugh told me he loved me cuddled me but not anymore its all wore off, he likes me to run around and do everything have the house cleaned without no help etc.

Yeah maybe we did rush things and he was on the rebound but he has said he wouldn't change it but I don't believe him sometimes I think he's only with me cause we have a child.

I don't think he has stopped loving her still I mean he wouldn't still be in touch would he. We have nothing but he says he loves me and doesn't want to loseme but I think that's because he doesn't want to break the family up and end up alone.

Romefalls19 · Sep 2, 2008, 07:55 AM

KINDLY ask him to remove the stuff but do not demand it. And certainly do not burn pictures as they are part of his life. You have to understand that he did have a life before you, I don't see a problem with keeping pictures as long as they are in the attic and not hanging up around the house. You can't expect someone to just completely erase a huge chapter in their life

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 07:56 AM

Memories are in your head why do people need pictures of there past to remind them of how there ex's were

liz28 · Sep 2, 2008, 08:03 AM

If you are having these problems with him now and he advised you he won't change, then you've some decisions to make. Don't let a child be the only reason you and him are together. Your child will pick up on this. It sounds like your have different views on how a relationship should be and before this of course he told you everything you wanted to hear but now you see. Mostly likely if your didn't have a child together he would be gone. A life with him would only lead to depression and you should never be depress over a guy or unhappy especially if your're together. Do you have family or friends where you live or did you up and leave everything to be with him?

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 08:07 AM

Yeah I know he won't change I think I really need to think about things a lot.
Yeah I left everything for him all my family are abroad living so are we but fa away from them.
I know if we didn't have a child we wouldn't be together me was the only chance he had at having a child as his ex couldn't have any, so to split we kill him as he wants to be with his baby that's the only reason were together I think even though I do think he kinds loves me, he's back off work trip today been gone 2 days and if I don't get the excited welcoming I want and NEED then I know where I stand I think.

Romefalls19 · Sep 2, 2008, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by jennifer ellen

memories are in ur head why do people need pictures of there past to remind them of how there ex's were

Because it was a part of their life, you can't expect someone to simply erase that. I'm sure you had a life before him so what's the big deal. Like you said, you moved into his house and then complain about the furniture. Then you go out and buy the new furniture, while your at it, buy new rugs, pots n pans, chairs, paint for the walls. Everything! I mean you either have to get over your own insecurities or say goodbye to this relationship

jennifer ellen · Sep 2, 2008, 08:09 AM

I mean you either have to get over your own insecurities or say goodbye to this relationship

Yes you are right here!!
Painting and decorating isn't going to change the way I feel about his past

liz28 · Sep 2, 2008, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by jennifer ellen

memories are in ur head why do people need pictures of there past to remind them of how there ex's were

All because you don't have nor keep things from your past doesn't mean other people don't. He was married to this girl and all because he with you he should burn all the things connected to her? Some people get rid of all the things from their ex when the break-up was bad. He's still going through a divorce so who to say he'll neve get rid of some things. From the way things are between your two the least thing on your mind should be the things he've of her in the attic.

Romefalls19 · Sep 2, 2008, 08:15 AM

Jennifer, I have been where you are. My present girlfriend was married and has 2 kids by her ex-husband. At first it weighed on my mind heavily, but then my friend gave me some wise advice, she has obviously chosen to be with you. If she wanted to wait around for him and be with him, she will. Nothing you do will change that, but she chose you, she's with you and she loves you. Stop doubting yourself and think about it logically for a minute