[merlemorgan]

My ex-wife has custody of our 7 yr old daughter in NJ. I live in GA and am scared for her wellfare. Her mother has tried to commit suicide twice in the last 5 yrs and I feel she is unfit. My daughter was expelled from school yesterday for aggression against a younger student. My daughters teacher called me 6 months ago and stated that my daughter said she did not want to live. The principal (when calling me in GA to say she could no longer attend school there)said he thought she might hurt herself or others. I have tried to get custody of her since she was taken from me but have not had money to continually hire an attorney. I have spent all my money on travel for visitation. I am beside myself with worry and would welcome any advice on how I might get her back to help her overcome the issues she is suffering from.
Signed: Help, please

[tickle]

I would say a woman who tries to commit suicide (at any point in time) is unfit to raise a child, but what is more important, your daughter seems to be following in her footsteps, so one can see her mother as impacted on her personality.

In order to facilitate you receiving custody you will have to retain a lawyer to start the process. There is no other way.

Document everything that has occurred.

Tick

[adthern]

I am sorry for the difficulties you and your daughter are dealing with. Family law issues are never easy and when you are dealing with out of state parties its all the more difficult. I would seriously suggest you either try to discuss with your ex in a civil manner what's best for your daughter, perhaps she will agree that it is too much for her to handle and welcome some help?

If that is not an option, then yes you should find an attorney in NJ (assuming that is where the child custody agreement/decree was filed). I would also sugest that you refrain from the use of legal standards, they are often used inappropriately. In deciding a child custody case the court looks at what is in the best interest of the child (or similar worded standard) not parental unfitness. The unfitness standard is for terminating the rights of a parent (usually for the purpose of adoption). The wrinkle for you is a state court typically has an additional standard for moving a child outside of their jurisdiction, I don't know NJ law as Im not a NJ attorney, but the biggest step is the best interest standard.

Your best evidence will be anyone who has dealt with your daughter (school officials, DCF, or other state agencies. If the mother has attempted suicide in the past she likely has been committed and the question is what happened to your daughter at that time, did you take her and care for her? If so, that is strong evidence that you are a stable influence in her life. If not, perhaps you arranged for suitable care for her during that time, checked on her frequently, etc...

Past episodes of mental health will likely not be enough, but if this "acting out" is based on something going on at home perhaps a court would see that as enough of a danger to change the custody decree.

Those are just some off the cuff thoughts,
Best wishes,

Adam

[ScottGem]

I would contact the local Family services agency in NJ. If the school is expelling her, this case should have been brought to them. They should be investigating and, if they find the mother unfit (and suicidal tendencies should qualify), then they can take her and, probably allow you to take custody.