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nicelady2know · Jan 8, 2008, 01:46 PM

:confused: Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I have a question. My child's father took me to court after I got married and moved out of state. My child at the time was 4 and before he gave me some money ( very little) for my child over her 4 years. After this move he took me to court to legalize her and have visitation. Well course with that came child support all of which he has done not me. Now he is $3,000 behind in child support so that means he has not paid but 8 payments since the order has been put into place. Now child support has gone after him and if he doesn't make a payment by the 20th he will lose his driver's licenses. He has gotten mad and told me he will drop the child support order since he was the one who took me to court and told me that he has rent to pay. I will like to know can he drop an child support order that has been put in effect by the courts just because he is mad and behind in the support?

Thank you in advance!

George_1950 · Jan 8, 2008, 02:03 PM

Short answer: no

macksmom · Jan 8, 2008, 02:05 PM

He can't drop the child support order... period.

You have nothing to worry about.

Really Aggrivated · Jan 8, 2008, 02:32 PM

I have been through the same thing and NO he can not drop the order unless he signs over his parental rights and pays the arrears (what he has not paid) and you agree to it.

nicelady2know · Jan 8, 2008, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by nicelady2know

:confused: Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I have a question. My child's father took me to court after I got married and moved out of state. My child at the time was 4 and before he gave me some money ( very little) for my child over her 4 years. After this move he took me to court to legalize her and have visitation. Well course with that came child support all of which he has done not me. Now he is $3,000 behind in child support so that means he has not paid but 8 payments since the order has been put into place. Now child support has gone after him and if he doesn't make a payment by the 20th he will lose his driver's licenses. He has gotten mad and told me he will drop the child support order since he was the one who took me to court and told me that he has rent to pay. I will like to know can he drop an child support order that has been put in effect by the courts just because he is mad and behind in the support?

Thank you in advance!

Thank all of you for your help. I'm so hurt by all of this. We have a court order visitation that because I moved out of state that I have to carry my child half way to him. By he is not paying support and gas prices are so high it hurts our household money to drive half way and back. It's a round trip of 12 hours and my child is 5 and can't go to school because her birthday was pass the school age limit. So I have to pay for pre-k at $500.00 a month plus rent, food, gas etc... My child just got back from her Christmas visit with her dad and guess what because he got the letter from child support he decided that he was going to not bring her back. To make a long story short after a lot of worry, phone calls to the police she is back home and I now don't know what to do. I can't afford a lawyer and when I talk to different people they say I don't have grounds to get full custody. I'm so scared to carry her back there because I don't know if I will get her back. Any advice?? My eyes are open wide!!

George_1950 · Jan 8, 2008, 02:57 PM

Sounds like you can't afford not to see a lawyer; my guess is that the judge would stop the requirement that you provide any transportation for visitation.

Really Aggrivated · Jan 8, 2008, 03:01 PM

I completely understand. Most states offer legal aid, so check in your yellow pages or call the local Child Support Office and tell them what is happening. They have state attorneys for this kind of situation. I have a friend that works for the CHild Support in Louisiana and she has been very helpful with advice to me.

Really Aggrivated · Jan 8, 2008, 03:03 PM

Also, if he is not paying child support he is in contempt of court and his visitation is nul and void.

nicelady2know · Jan 8, 2008, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by nicelady2know

:confused: Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I have a question. My child's father took me to court after I got married and moved out of state. My child at the time was 4 and before he gave me some money ( very little) for my child over her 4 years. After this move he took me to court to legalize her and have visitation. Well course with that came child support all of which he has done not me. Now he is $3,000 behind in child support so that means he has not paid but 8 payments since the order has been put into place. Now child support has gone after him and if he doesn't make a payment by the 20th he will lose his driver's licenses. He has gotten mad and told me he will drop the child support order since he was the one who took me to court and told me that he has rent to pay. I will like to know can he drop an child support order that has been put in effect by the courts just because he is mad and behind in the support?

Thank you in advance!

Thank you Really Aggrivated. The bad part about all of this is when I did talk to a lawyer (on the phone) he told me he needed a $1,000 to start working on the case then he sounded unsure about winning my cause because I had to prove to the judge why I wanted full custody and wanted visitation stopped. It all hear say (my word against his) with no proof. Also the lawyer ask me do I think its fair for him to come all the way to see her after I was the one who moved out of state? Each lawyer I talk to says the almost same thing. And also child support and visitation are not the same so even if he is not paying he still get to see her. This is so crazy to me It seems like I'm being punished for starting my life in a new state, better job and a great husband that love us dearly. Why me??

Really Aggrivated · Jan 8, 2008, 03:27 PM

I don't know what state you live in, but in Mississippi and Louisiana if they aren't current with the support, it is considered contempt and it means they can't have visitation.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2008, 03:44 PM

There really is not a case to work on, just let child inforcement get the money for you. There is little he can do, and you should have filed for child support the day the baby was born, not wait for him to file for visits.

And even if you have full custody ( I will assume you do) he would always get visitation.

afitz · Jan 8, 2008, 04:13 PM

Well according to state law here and as in most states child support has nothing to do with visitation they are separate issues.

nicelady2know · Jan 8, 2008, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by Really Aggrivated

I don't know what state you live in, but in Mississippi and Louisiana if they aren't current with the support, it is considered contempt and it means they can't have visitation.

I live in Ohio and I moved from Atlanta.

afitz · Jan 8, 2008, 04:20 PM

We are originally from Mississippi.. Here is there law on child support and visitation.

July 13, 2007
Dealing with a spouse who will not pay child support
Can I keep my child from my ex-spouse who is a “dead-beat” when it comes to paying child support?

The simple answer is no. Visitation and support are two legally independent matters. They are not tied to each other. If one parent does not make child support payments, the other parent can not legally keep the children from that spouse. To do so would risk being held in contempt of court. You do not want to be held in contempt of court as you risk being jailed, or at a minimum, you will probably be required to pay the attorney’s fees of your spouse. If one spouse does not pay child support, you need to contact an attorney to have those legal obligations enforced by the court. You may also get assistance by contacting the Mississippi Department of Human Services, Child Support Division.

More importantly, don’t keep the kids from their other parent. Remember, the children’s welfare is paramount. Even if one parent is a “dead-beat” non-paying spouse, that person is still the parent of your child and the child needs to have a relationship with both parents.

Posted by Robert Kisselburgh
Child Custody & Visitation :: Mississippi Family Law Blog

macksmom · Jan 8, 2008, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by Really Aggrivated

I don't know what state you live in, but in Mississippi and Louisiana if they aren't current with the support, it is considered contempt and it means they can't have visitation.

In the courts eyes child support and visitation are two totally separate issues. One does not effect the other. So just because he is not paying support does not mean she can stop visitation... she will be held in contempt of court. And say she stopped visitation, that does not give reason for the father to stop paying child support... or he would be in contempt.

If the 2 were dependent on the other custody, visitation, and child support would be a complete mess (more than what it is already). It would turn into a tool of revenge between the parents and all concern for the child would be overlooked.

I live in Ohio and I moved from Atlanta.

I am in Ohio... and that is DEFINITELY not the case here.

THICKUMS · Jan 8, 2008, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by nicelady2know

:confused: Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I have a question. My child's father took me to court after I got married and moved out of state. My child at the time was 4 and before he gave me some money ( very little) for my child over her 4 years. After this move he took me to court to legalize her and have visitation. Well course with that came child support all of which he has done not me. Now he is $3,000 behind in child support so that means he has not paid but 8 payments since the order has been put into place. Now child support has gone after him and if he doesn't make a payment by the 20th he will lose his driver's licenses. He has gotten mad and told me he will drop the child support order since he was the one who took me to court and told me that he has rent to pay. I will like to know can he drop an child support order that has been put in effect by the courts just because he is mad and behind in the support?

Thank you in advance!

No he can not drop a child support order!

nicelady2know · Jan 8, 2008, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

There really is not a case to work on, just let child inforcement get the money for you. There is little he can do, and you should have filed for child support the day the baby was born, not wait for him to file for visits.

And even if you have full custody ( I will assume you do) he would always get visitation.

The reson I didn't file when she was born was because we were together. When I left him I didn't file because I was making good money and he didn't have a job so I took care of my child without him but still made sure that she was apart of his life. I was still living in the same state then and he didn't have money or a car so I carried her to him and picked her up without an court order ( I see now that that was an mistake) We had a talk before I got married and we had an agreement about money for her and then his visits. Then I got married and he changed. I don't want to stop him from seeing her I just want the drama to end for her sake!

twinkiedooter · Jan 10, 2008, 02:49 PM

If you really want to end the drama once and for all then your new husband should adopt her. Her father will have to approve of this but the best part (for him that is) is he won't have to be bothered with that pesky monthly child support anymore in the future. And the best part for you... you don't have to let him see her if she is in fact adopted because he would have relinquished all of his parental rights to her and can't legally see her again unless you say so. The shoe would be on your foot, not his.

Just because the state is going to take his drivers license due to non payment of child support has obviously upset his little apple cart and he's mad now. Wait until they put his behind in jail for non payment when the total reaches say $5,000 and he has to sit for a month. Boy is he going to be mad then!

I know this sounds drastic to do, but you are obviously being torn by all this drama with police, not getting her back, her being so far away, his demands upon you, your new husband and you having unnecessary stress added into your marriage. Try and talk with him and see how he feels about this option without going too much into detail. He's more interested in him right now and his driver's license issue and wants that to go away.

nicelady2know · Jan 11, 2008, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

If you really want to end the drama once and for all then your new husband should adopt her. Her father will have to approve of this but the best part (for him that is) is he won't have to be bothered with that pesky monthly child support anymore in the future. And the best part for you....you don't have to let him see her if she is in fact adopted because he would have relinquished all of his parental rights to her and can't legally see her again unless you say so. The shoe would be on your foot, not his.

Just because the state is going to take his drivers license due to non payment of child support has obviously upset his little apple cart and he's mad now. Wait until they put his behind in jail for non payment when the total reaches say $5,000 and he has to sit for a month. Boy is he going to be mad then!

I know this sounds drastic to do, but you are obviously being torn by all this drama with police, not getting her back, her being so far away, his demands upon you, your new husband and you having unnecesary stress added into your marriage. Try and talk with him and see how he feels about this option without going too much into detail. He's more interested in him right now and his driver's license issue and wants that to go away.

Thanks for your help but I will tell you now he will not do that. He is a mean man that only cares about himself and what he wants. He is hateful and he always out to hurt. I really don't want to talk with him because of the mess we just went thought. My husband is a great guy and all and he wants this to end and would love to have my child as his but we already know he won't do that. He lied on the child support agent to the point that she almost got in major trouble. He can not be trusted at all. No job, no life makes him a bad man to deal with.

MASS1234 · Mar 17, 2008, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by Really Aggrivated

I have been through the same thing and NO he can not drop the order unless he signs over his parental rights and pays the arrears (what he has not paid) and you agree to it.

In the state of Mass, it doesn't make a difference if a father chooses to sign over his parental rights, he is still required to pay child support. I only know this to be a fact as my Ex tried that and the courts stated that was fine and gave me sole and full custody of our son. It didn't stop the order for support!

My son has not seen his father who lives in the same state in 12 years. He only knew him the first 6 months of his life. My ex is remarried and has absolutely no problem raising his step-daughter and taking her to games and so on. Yet, he has NEVER even sent his son a Birthday card, christmas gift, or anything else. He is a sad excuse for a father.

The only good thing is that my son is well taken care of and has everything that any other child has. He is a honor roll student and very active in sports. I have spent my time making sure that he never feels the gap of not knowing his bio dad.

About a year ago, I pointed his father out to him as we drove by a biker bar that he must hang out at. It was the first time my son saw him and I think it satisfied his curiosity.

He has never asked about him.