[lildaisy]

Hello-
Just call me dazed and confused! I 28 and have been in about a 6 month relationship. We've never really expressed that we love each other, which kind of bugs me but then again I don't want to put a time limit on things either. When asked if "this is the one?" I don't get that "gut feeling" that everyone says I will get. He spoils me, opens my doors, pays for everything and would NEVER lie or cheat. Sounds great right? But there's this one little side that I'm so confused about. He gets angry very easily. But, I don't know if it's just me being too sensitive, if I'm expecting too much or if maybe it's small signs that I'm with the wrong one? So you want examples? I went over there the other night and was complaining about a friend and his response was sweet until about an hour later. He said "I've always got issues. He named a bunch and said I'm a drama queen and he's never in his life dated a girl with this much drama." If we are pushed for time, he complains the whole way to the restaurant and will yell and tailgait drivers because they are in the way. I try to drive but "I drive too slow." We got in an argument a couple of weeks ago and his response "go on, get the hell out of here" and he drove off. He has called me bipolar at times just because I cry when we fight. I will call all happy during the day and he'll sometimes respond with "baby, I'm not in the mood to be all giddy. I gotta go." And, it hurts me. Yes, your getting my side of the story only and I've said and done some things as well, but I'm so confused. I literally don't know what mood he's going to be in and it take such minor things to set him off. He even complains about my freaking couches! Go buy me some then... darn! I'm not young and feel pressured to find my "one" but don't want to make a mistake and waste my time. There is just such slim pickings out there. I don't want to start over again, but a part of me feels like I deserve so much better.

[Simple Asian]

well first off I am still inexperiment and don't no "if that the one feeling " to tell you

but it a guts feeling as far as I have been in here listening and seeing everyone saying about it... if you feel like it you feel like it if not then it not.. there no maybe in love...

and about his short temple.. anger problem... you need to sit down and talk to him about it.. have a serious talk,, b.c being a relationship is all about being happy and please to each other not about being fighting or agruing about anything...

and if you thin g you deserve so much better I suggest you think about it thought what wrong and what you been thought... are you happy ? Or not?. ^^

hope it help... best wishes

[lildaisy]

I agree. I don't think that I "love him". I really don't . But, I honestly feel like it's his anger problem that is causing it. Why? Because in the beginning of our relationship I was so sure that this could be "the one." And, then it all started. He is literally so PERFECT except for his temper. It's a turn off. It really is. I look at him with disrespect and I feel that relationships are about respecting each other and venting and getting through things together. After all, when you marry... you esentially become one. How am I to do that if I can't even vent to him now because I'm a "drama queen and he doesn't want to hear it?" Am I just tyring to force things to work?
I did try to talk to him about his anger problem and said exactly what you mentioned. He said that it's all his work and the stresses that are placed upon him and "it'll all change once he gets his promotion. And, that this is not really him." But, in my eyes, people's true colors come out and are tested when they are at their most stressed and down sides. If this is how it is to be for the rest of our relationship, then I'm not sure I want it. But, then again, am I asking for too much and will it change once it all calms down with his promotion? He was calm when we first met and he had a different position then. Less stressful. But, still. I do wonder if it was all for the game? SheesH! I don't know. Thanks for your feedback though. I truly value it.

[Simple Asian]

He said that it's all his work and the stresses that are placed upon him and "it'll all change once he gets his promotion. And, that this is not really him."

he said it he stress and all.. and then he put it on to you.. put his anger to you?. if he loves you.. no if anyone lloves anyone... and they yell at the other b.c they stress?. it not love... relationship works is all about respectfull and treating each other right.. if not then you are not in the right relationship...

He was calm when we first met and he had a different position then

everyone was perfect at the first moment.. b.c you were so deep in love( well i shouldn't put it that way but you get my drift ) so that we think everyone is perfect.. but later on in the relationship.. we experiment think.. been thought things together and get to know your parthers better... and it just all up to you that are you happy with the change or not?.

But, still. I do wonder if it was all for the game? SheesH! I don't know

well i can make sure with you one thing... us guys don't play games...

and what i am trying to say is... it all up about you... are you happy with where you at now?. are you willing to stay there with him and help him out with the anger problem?. and if you think the stressful is too much.. it all up to you...

but i just can give you one advise... relationship is all about being happy and respect to each other.. ^^

[Synnen]

Let me tell you about a relationship I had.

When we first started dating, he was perfect. Brought me flowers, opened doors, always picked up the check.

After about 6 months, he would get mad about the dumbest things--things that were ALWAYS my fault. I changed to make him happy, but there was always something ELSE that made him mad. I slowly lost all my friends, and started alienating my family, just to make him happy.

Then one day he hit me.

I woke up (thank god!). I left him. But I was a mess--low self-esteem, I didn't feel I could do anything by myself, and I felt like no one would ever want me again.

Guess what? Someone did. Several someone's did. I got a job, I went to school, I became happy with ME. I didn't NEED someone else to be happy--I didn't WANT to be single, but I could be, if circumstances went that way. And then Mr. Right literally threw me for a loop--right into the snow!

Being angry at you for such dumb stuff, and having such a HORRIBLE reaction to stupid things like being happy on the phone--it's a control issue. It's not an anger thing, really--or rather, it is, because he's angry that he's not the one controlling your mood, or your couches, or your friends, or whatever.

Who CARES if there isn't someone out there right away for you? You're not exactly old, honey. Most of my friends didn't marry until they were in their 30s, and had careers, and were happy with themselves.

I say find someone who deserves you more than this jerk does, personally. If you're not happy now--why stay in hopes of being happy with this guy, when you could be happy with yourself and hoping for a better guy to drop into your life?

[George_1950]

You wrote: "I'm so confused." That is your internal, early warning system saying 'watch out'.

[lildaisy]

You all are great! I agree that it is my "internal warning system". I've felt that way for a while. Women have that for a reason. And, like someone else said, guys don't play games. That's very true. But something that hit home was when Synnen said that it's a control issue. I think you are correct in that assumption. He is in the military, and sometimes I feel that his position trickles down to me and it shouldn't. Whether it's "hey, did you just wear that shirt? Did you cut your hair again? Didn't you just get your nails done? No, you're not driving, I am. I'm picking the movie, you can next time. You need to take better care of your car. Get new couches. You're dog isn't well behaved. You're family just needs to accept a dying member and get over it....yada yada yada. It goes one. So, when I sit back and think about it, you're right. It's a control thing. And, if I dare bring up something that bugs me, it's always because I did something too. He will breathe in deeply as if he's trying to calm himself down. And, I do wonder if it'll get to the physical point. He'll even crack jokes like "girl, get your outside. Or, girl, I'll knock you across the face." But, I look at him and turn away and he says "WHAT? I'm joking for God's sake. You can't take a joke". And I smile and say "well, joking about hitting a woman is serious to me. If you do that, I will kindly punch you back and me and my whole family will sue the crap out of you and put you where you belong." That's not love. And, though I've never felt it, I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way! It should just flow and I shouldn't even have one single question in my mind. Right? Thanks to you all for your help! I didn't even know if this site would work, but some of your answers have really made me think.

[lildaisy]

And here's the sad part... I don't even call him when I do have a problem I need to talk with him about. I call my mother. I don't want to "bug him with my drama. He doesn't need it right now". And, just last night I called him to say good night. We didn't really talk much and I didn't dare mention how my day was. Now we have literally nothing to talk about. I'm just too afraid that I'll be "bugging him". When I told him "wow, no one has ever told me that. It hurts" His response: "maybe no one has been willing to tell you, you ever thought about that?" I said "no, I think that it's part of a relationship, listening to each other's problems, and I think my past's were respectful enough to just listen to me. Like I do for everyone else too, including your problems honey." He said "so now I'm disrespectful huh?" Hope he's satisfied because I'm slowly pulling away. I'm too independent and too strong willed to be "told what to say and do." I'm not a puppet. He's got too strong of a woman on his hands that take good care of him that he's taking advantage of and hurting. How sad.