[JZH]

I have been talking to a girl at work for a while now, and I have developed some feelings for her, and I would like to ask her out on a date, but there are few things that's holding me back; first I don't know how and when to approach her. Second, I don't want her to file a complaint against me for sexual harassment (which is very comment for women to file against men at workplace). Third I am afraid that not only will she say no, but she will start some rideculous rumors and stories about me. What should I do?

[Clough]

Hi again, JZH!

Okay, new thread... Probably a better forum topic anyway since it's concerning dating.

Does she already know that you have an interest in her, at least for conversing and perhaps as just friends, at least in cordiality, please?

Thanks!

[JZH]

I don't know if she have noticed or not, and I don't have the guts to ask her, because I don't want to say the wrong thing to her and get myself in trouble with HR.

[Clough]

Is there a written policy with HR concerning dating among employees, please?

Thanks!

[JZH]

I'm not sure what the policies are, but I've read too much about sexual harassment suits between coworkers and such, and I'm afraid that if I say the wrong thing, it will happen to me.

[Clough]

I would first suggest seeing what the written policies are. Every employee should be able to see them, or maybe have been given a copy of them. If you don't have them, you could ask to see them. You don't really have to say specifically why you want to see them, other than you just want to see what they are.

You mentioned in your other thread that you have spoken with her about work related things.

Do you like to go out with groups of people to do things, please?

Thanks!

[JZH]

Like I said in the other thread, I am not very outgoing, so I almost never go out with the group and attend any parties or things like that, the only time I've seen her other than at work was at the company christmas party, and I didn't have the courage to go and talk to her.

[Clough]

I didn't used to be much of a group person either. Basically, kept to myself and did individual types of activities that didn't involve others. I had a few close friends with whom I would do things as a very small group, but larger group activities scared me because I would get nervous and have anxiety attacks.

Now, I'm a leader of very large goups of people. It took a lot of practice being in front of people to get over my anxiety.

Would you like to feel comfortable participating in activities involving large or small groups of people?

Just getting a small group of people to go out after work to have coffee or ice cream or something else, and also inviting that girl you like, might be the thing to do for her to get to know you more on a social level.

Other workers might really appreciate it if you invited them out for a small gathering.

I would say that doing something like that is worth taking the risk.

Thanks!

[ItWasMe]

How do you approach a girl at work? CAREFULLY :)

There are so many factors involved that it can get complicated, people sometimes act a little more friendly and passive at work, it's a situation where you have to get along with people who you do not normally interact with.

Get to know her and ask her out for a quick bite to eat at lunch one day as friends. This will give you time to see how she is around you, but with out any misconstrued ideas or intent, with the set time for lunch it also means no stress or awkwardness at the end :)

[I wish]

I highly doubt a "Hi, how are you" constitutes as sexual harassment. If you approach a woman in a polite and respectable manner, then you have nothing to worry about.

You would approach her and introduce yourself like you would with any other male co-worker. Why would you treat her any differently? You're putting her on a pedastol and that's putting a lot of pressure everywhere.

I don't think the issues is sexual harassment here. I think the issue is your lack of confidence and self-esteem. I suggest you work on those two issues before you worry about talking to this co-worker.

[JZH]

I wish

You are right, lack of confidence is exactly my problem, and ever since I was a little kid, I've never fitted into any groups of kids and I've never had many friends, and up until this day, I still find it difficult to socialize with strangers in a group event. What can I do about that?

[Clough]

Hi again, JZH!

Have you ever had any sort of group counseling, please?

Thanks!

[JZH]

No I haven't, and I had no idea how to go about these type of things.

[Clough]

I had a number of years of group counseling in the 1980's. Doing so did wonders for me! I went through a community mental health agency that allowed people to pay based on a sliding fee scale. I'm sure that there must be something like that around where you are.

Thanks!