At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My husband is corrently in prison as a sex offender.
The victim was my dauther his stepdauther.
My three dauther's and I have forgave him for what he did.
He has repeatly asked my dauther the (victim) to forgive him for what he did.
My dauther(victim) cried because she said that she wants her father.
She doesnt look at the situation as a painful experience anymore, niether do I. We believe in change and forgiveness. Sure I would'nt be able to just be as before, but my dauthers want there Dad. What do I do about the Law? How can he see his Kids? They want to see there father.In my heart I feel he will NOT do this again. what can we do?
GoldieMae disagrees: You are advising her to break the law.
J_9 disagrees: I can't believe you suggested this!!!
Get over it, ppl screw up...if we all hated them for it and punished them for it for the remander of their lives...who would really be hurt by it? Kids need their parents, and by the way i never suggested that they should be ALONE with him. The mom should be around. Just kinda sad that when a person messes up they have to do time for it for the rest of their life..not only in this situation, but in many others. And i NEVER suggested breaking the law, lol. Read between the lines here, if the law allows him to see his kids even behind glass or a padded room thats better then nothing. Too many ppl in the world believe once a bad guy always one. Ppl can change n time, or else what can i say they screwed.
GoldieMae disagrees: You are advising her to break the law.
J_9 disagrees: I can't believe you suggested this!!!
Get over it, ppl screw up...if we all hated them for it and punished them for it for the remander of their lives...who would really be hurt by it? Kids need their parents, and by the way i never suggested that they should be ALONE with him. The mom should be around. Just kinda sad that when a person messes up they have to do time for it for the rest of their life..not only in this situation, but in many others. And i NEVER suggested breaking the law, lol. Read between the lines here, if the law allows him to see his kids even behind glass or a padded room thats better then nothing. Too many ppl in the world believe once a bad guy always one. Ppl can change n time, or else what can i say they screwed.
Do you have any experience or knowledge of sexual offenders?
GoldieMae disagrees: You are advising her to break the law.
J_9 disagrees: I can't believe you suggested this!!!
Get over it, ppl screw up...if we all hated them for it and punished them for it for the remander of their lives...who would really be hurt by it? Kids need their parents, and by the way i never suggested that they should be ALONE with him. The mom should be around. Just kinda sad that when a person messes up they have to do time for it for the rest of their life..not only in this situation, but in many others. And i NEVER suggested breaking the law, lol. Read between the lines here, if the law allows him to see his kids even behind glass or a padded room thats better then nothing. Too many ppl in the world believe once a bad guy always one. Ppl can change n time, or else what can i say they screwed.
I'm sure your attitude will change when you have children.
I hate that you were upset about this issue, however please understand that my dauther is fourteen years old and she is old enough to tell me her feelings. we were at a store and I asked her "what's wrong"? she said "I want Daddy". Mind you this was a shock to me I went to my sister/Friend and said to my friend her dad did this !! she wants to see him. I was shocked and in confusion somewhat. you guys must understand that if this was a smaller child that didnt understand this ordeal then I wouldnt want to ask anyone this question. I am not trying to be weird niether do I want to affect anyone in a negitive way.
I was molested as a child by my biological father from age 3 to 12. I hate to tell you this but it is true that she is trying to make you happy. Please understand that she is confused and probablly does love him, but you are the mother and must do the right thing and protect her. My mother let my father stay in the house after, although the abuse stopped you can not beleive how uncomfortable it was. I am now 43 and still in counceling for this. Amazingly not because of my fathers abuse but my mothers lack of protection after learning about the abuse. I still cant understand how she could sleep with a man that molested her child. The only thing your daughter will learn if you let him back is that it was easier for you to let him come back and that my dear is sicker than what he did!!!!:
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this and then be attacked by all of these people when you were just looking for a sounding board. My ex husband molested his niece and my daughter. (5 times his niece, twice with my daughter) When his niece found out that he was going after my daughter she told me. I did all the right things, called social services and the police, divorced him after he went to jail. Supported my children in everyway I could. But what they don't realize is how much pain is caused to everyone. Not just the children. I was in court more than he was as I was question over and over to see if I had any knowledge of the events. I lost my husband, my income, and for a while my sanity. I can remember crying hysterically because I missed garbage day two weeks in a row, because that was something he always did. As devastated as I was upon hearing what he had done, sickened, I remember feeling relief because he was finally talking to me again and I knew what had been bothering him for so long. You are in a very vulnerable state right now and you need support too! Not attacks. But please listen to reason. 1) They don't help him in prison and he is still hiding from the truth and depth of his actions 2) When in rehab after his release is when he will finally be surrounded by others like him and truly see what he has done and hopefully start being honest about what led up to this. ( It's so hard to be truly honest when every one thinks you should just Die!) 3.) Most cases will not allow him to see his victim until they are 18 unless it is his own child She is a step child and this will not happen.
So you have to move on. Let the pain and anger out don't block it. (Years later I still hate my ex on some days) Go on with your life. Use the love you have for him to be his friend help him get through this, but not as his wife as a friend an honest one. Let him know when you are angry or sad so he can understand his actions. Tell the kids he is sick and needs help and he can't be around them for many many years. Don't get there hopes up falsely. As awful as this is it does get easier in time. My ex and I are still the best of friends, my daughter and his niece are grown and although both have emotional scars they are doing just fine. If I had given in to my desires ( and yes I did have some) to stay together I truly believe my daughter would have felt as thou I loved him more than her she would have had no respect for me and I would have had none for myself. Even now I am battling myself. Because I greatly desire to get back together with him after everything. The love has never died. But the children come first, they have too. And I desperately want to see my grandkids ,when I have some at my house, without risking them getting hurt or my daughter feeling uncomfortable. We can't always choose our path but we can make the best of it. You and your children are stronger than you think. Grow closer to them and God and the situation with your husband will turn out in it's own time if it was meant to be.
BRAVO TO YOU TO DO THE RIGHT THING INSTEAD OF THE EASY THING. YOU DAUGHTER IS TRUELY BLESSED TO HAVE YOU AS A MOM. I WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD AND MY MOM TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT AND LET HIM STAY. YOU ARE RIGHT SHE WOULD HAVE FELT LIKE YOU LOVED HIM MORE BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I FEEL TO THIS DAY AND I AM IN MY 40'S. GOD BLESS YOU.
Hope I have a friend that was molested by her step father. Yes, her mother stayed. She feels the same way you do. I know how my friend suffered. My heart goes out to you.
Ok folks. The OP posted this on 8/9 and posted some responses on 8/10. She hasn't posted since. I don't know if she's been put off or what. But I suggest stopping this until she comes back with some more info. There has been too much speculation and knee jerk reactions here IMHO.
As a parent and a mother of three girls i strongly encourage you to think carefully about what you are saying or about to do. This person hurt your baby and take away her innocence.Trust me she will always remember it .By the way did you get counseling for her. I hope you put all your effort and love into her.Wish you the best.
MY EX, THE FATHER OF MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO A CHILD MOLESTER.
I would say, you need to start by having him psychologically evaluated to PROVE he is not at risk to offend again. I am all for forgiveness and trust, just don't be foolish about it. If he won't be evaluated there must be a reason. Your daughter (the victim) may not realize what she's getting herself into. She may want him back because he is her dad, no other reason that our society says that children need a father in their life. With a child molester, they "brain wash" the victim into believing the offense is what they want too, as opposed to rape where the victim says no and gets something anyway. I do wonder if your daughter has had couceling to deal with the issue of trusting someone and being betrayed so thourouly. I know as someone who was sexually abused that I still feel it was my fault, she may be forgiving him out of guilt. It sounds crazy to forgive your abuser because you feel guilty about it, but I was there personally so give it a try and see...But PLEASE have the man psychologically evaluated.
Linear Mode
