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Anyone have any advice on how best to help my 28 yr old son when he gets out in march of 07? (drug related)....any special programs to help him get employment etc???...thanks
I am sure you want to do all you can for him and you can. Just let him do as much as he can for himself. If he was in a drug program while in, get him in one on the outs. In many cases, if an addict thinks he can just have a few beers, he is looking for trouble. If drugs got him in prison, starting with a few drinks can lead him back to that behavior. It is a tough transition and he needs a good suport system. If he is really "done" then he will make it. If not, then there is nothing you can do but watch from the sidelines.
My son did 4 years for meth manufacture charges. The first 6 months on the outs was good. When he started drinking and partying it lead from one thing to the other. Although he has not gone back, (3 years out) he may well find himself in that position again.
I just wish you the best and I hope it all works out for you. Even though he is your child, he is his own man and we all have to travel the road of our own choice.
Thanks.....his was meth also...2 years for selliing it...been on it since 13 yrs old....ex wife who has always been a great enabler now adamant about him not staying in this area when he gets out...any thoughts on relocation vs living here?...
I was a prison guard, state and fed, retired. Seems as though the guys that had the revolving door syndrom always went back to the same 'hood.' Back to the same peer group and peer pressure they were involved with when the troubles began. If at all possible, a clean break with a new environment to get started in is the best bet. We can recreate ourselves for the better but first we must let go of the old patterns.
I was a prison guard, state and fed, retired. Seems as though the guys that had the revolving door syndrom always went back to the same 'hood.' Back to the same peer group and peer pressure they were involved with when the troubles began. If at all possible, a clean break with a new environment to get started in is the best bet. We can recreate ourselves for the better but first we must let go of the old patterns.
This is so true-in my opinion-. I was with a man who went to prison twice for drug related issues (selling them, doing them, beating people up because he was on them;hence, violating his probation...) and each time he got out he would continue to do the same thing because "that's all he has ever known". We recently came out of a six year relationship because he has gotten worse and worse-became violent towards me-we have children-such a bad mess! He use to say often" If I could just move to another state or somewhere further away-then maybe it would be easier for me not to do this..."
Now there are no guarantees, but it is a hopeful idea-and it very well COULD work. BTW, he is also 28 years old-just came out of his 2nd time in FEDERAL prison last July.
Yes but, where ever you go there you are. It takes hard work to change. Our brains love to stay stuck in a comfortable place even if it is a bad place to be.
Like soom one said, "I keep leaving my problems behind but I'm always there when I arrive!"
Sorry I did not mention this, but he was also 13 years old when he started. His parents divorced, he started gangbanging....I'm sorry to sound so negative and only give you bad news, but please don't bring him back home to all his familiar surroundings. I think it would be best for him to relocate for the sake of his own future.
Such a tough call, if he goes back home, same environment etc, bad stuff can happen. If he relocates and has no one there for him to give him encouragement it can be bad also. He has got to be strong, make new friends get involved with good people, good intentions, good help groups. The way I see it, he HAS to really work at it. Nothing comes easy.
Best thing is for him to live someone else than where he used to live, or at least not hang at all with any old friends.
but the sad fact is , that unless he wants to change he won't. I have close relitives in my life and having worked with Federal and State prisions and police departments, I see the normal run. They get caught, promise everyone everthing, get out, do ok for a few weeks to a few months, then they start acting funny and soon back into thier old life.
Some don't even wait a week.
With drugs they normally come to jail on drug or theft charges ( theft to pay for the drugs)
Jobs will be tough, but even an excon ( not meaning ours on thie site) can find some level of work, it is normally dirty and low paying, but there are jobs out there.
The main thing is for family to stay invovled in thier life, in doing so hopfully it will help.
From my experience, change of enviornment can be motivating.... but there needs to be a lot of support and they have to be making a lot of personal changes as well. Just moving out of the area is not nearly enough.
But I would advise you to ask your son what he wants, let him make his own decisions, recreate his life and give him some sense of control over his life that he has not had in a long time... and when he starts to think like his old ways or behave in old patterns, then you can let him know what you think.... be a support, thats what he needs.
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