[thapapermill]

I met my person online. We started as friends, but then feelings for each other developed. We had been talking about a month and a half when I went on vacation, and we saw each other during that time. Pre-vacation, we got close and deep and shared a lot with each other. We'd talk every single day, either online, on the phone, on the webcam or by text. He'd always take the time to just say Hi or to let me know he was thinking about me. Yeah, I totally like that stuff and told him so. So we meet up and things go great - we spend an entire week together. He made me a video telling me of his feelings for me - those 3 words. I mean, the way we were with each other - totally sappy.

But towards the end of the trip, he starts pulling away from me. Where in the beginning we were totally sappy and affectionate with each other, he stopped being so affectionate, despite his saying that he is a sentimental romantic. I ask him what's going on, and he says that's he's bummed out about my leaving, and that he tends to push people away when he's feeling like that. Then he says that he falls out of love quickly, but that he's still in love with me and loves me. Then he says that when he's with someone, he tends to spend a lot of time apart from them (he reverts to video games.) He also told me that the wooing he did in the beginning, that he couldn't keep up that intensity forever.

Now that I'm back home, things have totally changed. We don't talk online, he barely texts me, and we've only talked twice on the phone in the 2 weeks that I've been back. He's been busy with trying to catch up with school and trying to not fail a class, so I know that he does have that to attend to. But, I mean, he took the time out before to let me know he was thinking of me, and he can't now? He did tell me that this issue has affected his past relationships, and when we got into a fight about it, he said that he didn't think we'd be dealing with it this early in our relationship. Well, I'd rather work it out sooner than later so that we can get past it and work on growing our relationship.

Before I found out the stuff with his school, I had thought that we were over and sent him a message that basically said: Everything that we've been through - I know I meant something to you, and how you can treat me so cavalierly is what I don't get. I refuse to believe that you're really the jerk you've been acting as. We got deep - doesn't that mean anything to you? You were my world and I would have done anything for you because you're worth it. But you took the chicken way out." So I was putting in my last 2 cents so I could move on in case we were through. He sends back that "it's not you," and that he just wants everyone to leave him alone so that he could work without distractions because he was failing a class.

To talk every single day, many times a day, to not at all? Yeah, I miss that and told him so. How do you share your life with someone, and get deep with someone, just to not talk to them? Do I just accept that he really is too busy and pre-occupied with his stuff to work on us right now? I send him pics of us and things that I made - doing the little things to let him know I'm thinking of him....It's all about the little things. The 2 times we've talked on the phone, he has told me that he loves me, and he said that he's glad that I'm moving to his area. No - not doing it for him - I'll be going to school there.

We both have issues with letting people in and getting close to us, but I let him in and he I, but I don't know if I'm still in, I guess you would say. And not talking to him with the frequency that we used to - I don't know if that's due to his being busy or if it's just that he's no longer interested in me or if he's avoiding me. He's told me that he has a hard time letting females down - for example - one of his friends was interested in him romantically, but he wouldn't tell her that he wasn't interested because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. So it makes me wonder if that's what he's doing to me right now. I tend to think the worst of things though.

I'm in limbo, because my heart says one thing, but logic of actions says another. Because this is a long distance relationship for right now, I think it's important to do the work to make it work. I don't know - I guess I'm just really wanting to know what is going on. I don't want to continually be asking him things like "Where is this going" "Are you in love with me still" "If you can take the time to play video games, why can't you take the time to chill with me for a bit" (we used to play games online together). I mean, if someone is important to you, don't you make the time to spend with them? Which leads me to wonder if I'm important to him. Reading through all that I've written - I'm just confused about it all. Like I said, do I believe his words or his actions?

[pergammano]

I see "red flags" all over in this relationship! Reading your question from a "total outsider" it seems like you are incredibly needy (not trying to hurt you) and insecure. I am thinking you are backing him into a corner of commitment, and he is just not ready. In the beginning you were fun to hang with, but now, through your neediness you are NOT allowing him personal space. Each time you are in contact with him, you are asking for reassurance... he doesn't know where he's at, so he's avoiding you, so that you can't pressure an answer out of him! You're cornering him! Relax!

[thapapermill]

I know you're not trying to hurt me by tellng the truth. I don't send him messages asking for reassurance, at least I don't see them as that. I'll text him telling him I'm thinking about him or saying something funny that only we would get, and I try to keep it all fun because we made each other happy and laugh like no one else had. Is it wrong to want to get back what we had in the beginning? Or are we past that and into another aspect of our relationship? He did tell me that the first couple of months that he's with someone, you're all up each other's booty, spending all of your time together. But then you calm down and spend a little less time together because you JUST KNOW that the other person cares about you. I know that I come off sounding insecure and needy, but I don't like being confused about things. Yeah, I know I need to relax. Relaxing - would that mean being secure with knowing that he loves me, and the just knowing thing I mentioned a few lines back? I'm a work in progress... lol

[rol]

<<The 2 times we've talked on the phone,>>

Who rang who? Stop the contact and pull back and you will see his interest level.

<,Or are we past that and into another aspect of our relationship? He did tell me that the first couple of months that he's with someone, you're all up each other's booty, spending all of your time together.>>

I'm not sure this ever was a relationship.

[shygrneyzs]

You believe his actions and not his words. His actions speak the truth. Take that week you had and let the rest go. I don't see this as working out into a relationship. He got what he wanted from you and you got what you wanted from him. Now he wants nothing and to even pursue him in the smallest of ways is not going to cause him to change.

Stop texting, stop calling, stop giving him little reminders of your week together or of the previous conversations you two had. He definitely sounds like he has moved on. Now it is your turn to move on.

Now it is likely that when you pull back and do not contact him, that he could start to show some renewed interest. Likely to happen, but don't count on that. Don't put your hopes on that. You said you are going to be moving to where he is for school. When you get there, don't let him be the first person you contact. Make new friends, get involved in new activities and show him that you are not the dependent person you have made yourself look like. Guys do not like (women do not like either) people in their lives who are so needy that they need reassurance all the time.