[Tobita]

My daughter of 24 years is expecting her first child and will raise it as a single parent. We have always had a difficult relationship and she is very angry and bitter for some things that happened in our family, while she was growing up. Mainly it was because her dad and I fought a lot and separated several times.
She moved out some time ago and has been studying and working and we have been able to get along much better. Unfortunately I am sick with emphysema and have 17% left of lung capacity. But I can live with it if I take care of myself and avoid stressed situations.
Now my daughter “demands” to move in with me in my one bedroom apartment, cause she lost her job and can’t pay her bills.
I am a very organized person and keep my place clean and tidy, but my daughter is 100% the opposite of me in that regard and has never respected this. When she comes to visit... her clothing is all over... usually on the floor. When she cooks something, she leaves the kitchen a mess and since I try to avoid confrontation, I clean up after her. But that I can’t do anymore. But on the other hand... how can I as a mother practically let my kid in the street? I feel terrible and don’t know what to do.
For years we have talked about her not cleaning up after her and she promised 1000 times that she will improve this. But it has never ever happened and I know, that it will never happen.
We live in a country where she can get help from the government,- not that much during the pregnancy... but once she has the baby, she can get good help. But I can’t live with her not even one day,- what should I do? I really feel I’m not a good mother. Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you. A very sad mom.

[ma0641]

Where is the Father in all of this? No child support?

[talaniman]

I too wonder about the role of the child's dad in this mess. However when reading this story I had started thinking along the lines of supporting your daughter no matter what in her time of need, as no matter what the relationship she is still your daughter carrying your grandchild. Having said that though and putting both your and her issues aside, I seriously doubt "demanding" would move me to her side at all, rather would have me helping her with other options, and no way would I agree to sharing a small space with an arrogant demanding child that caused me problems and headaches.

Where is she staying now, has she been evicted yet? I can only suggest you make your bedroom your clean safe haven and try not to stress over her shortcomings as she delivers her child and gets back on her feet. Quite the challenge you face, but seemly it's only temporary, and MAYBE it's the opportunity for you both to improve yourselves, and your relationship, and certainly a chance for you to deal with your own stress and rise to the situation since it may not be avoidable.

Either way you face dealing with your stress be it at your home, or her out on the streets or a woman's home delivering a baby. Does your location have a religious charity for pregnant women with NO resources? What is the relationship with her Dad, or his circumstances? As a Dad I couldn't imagine he can't help at some point in some way, whether you both can get along or not.

Sorry, but all your options will bring stress with them and I think you get proactive developing and weighing them, thoughtfully, and get a plan based on facts and not just feelings. Getting busy and FOCUSING on a plan is how I relieve my stress, and I hope that helps you through your own CHALLENGE. Kids will always be a stressful challenge, simply because you are a mom, and thats sad only if you don't get busy to deal with them.

Ask me how I know.

[Fr_Chuck]

My kids can only live with me, under my rules. And they would know that from day one, actually before day one, with a written set of rules.

If and when it becomes a battle or issue, it is known before hand the result.

That would be the only way a child of mine would move back in.