[Madaneb]

Hello, I am a 27 year old male, I am gay, although I have never been in a relationship before, many reason for this include, depression, lack of self confidence, unable to find a 'compatible' person to relate with, and other such trauma I have sustained as a child have also effected my outlook on relationships.

I always tell myself I'm not dwelling on the past, I'm fine, but then I find myself not being able to open up to people, not accepting my sexuality, refusing to be with another man, I am my own worst enemy!

For the past 2 years, I have been in love with my best friend, a completely straight male, who has zero interest in other men.. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I desperately need to get rid of my intense love for him, because it is ruining my life, I care endlessly for him, I worry about him, I look after him, I live with him (and other house mates) I'm even in the same band as him, we're together all the time, and he has no idea that I'm dying inside!

Sometimes he'll meet a girl, and I completely break down with heartache and jealousy, he has suspected I might have feelings for him, and as a result he rejects my friendship, which in turn, makes me feel worse! I have lied through my back teeth to him, convinced him my love is purely platonic!

HELP ME SOMEONE! I'm in a deathly bubble, and I can't pop it!

[Jake2008]

I am sorry you are struggling with this. Loving someone who does not love you back, regardless of sexual orientation, is hard to overcome.

But while you love this person that you know you cannot have, you are preventing yourself from meeting people that could turn out to be more than a friend. Your vision is clouded, and I'm not sure how much of that is because of the feelings for your friend, and how much of it is because of other reasons as you've described- depression, lack of confidence, etc.

And, while your friend may have characteristics and qualities that appeal to you, he is also safe, because you know you don't have to make a commitment. Living a dream, may just be easier than facing the future with a new, more compatible mate, that is also gay.

I think you are missing out a lot on not having a loving partner of your own. A friendship can only go so far. Most of us at some point want something more, and you know that it will not happen as long as you hang onto the feelings you have, for your straight friend.

I hope that you will seek out support and guidance from your gay community, to help you feel more comfortable and confident in finding more friendships that may result in romance. Being gay, should not be the only reason why you are stuck in this place, or an excuse for not expanding your horizons a bit more. There is a whole new world out there for you to find love in.

[talaniman]

Your whole posts says very loudly that you cannot cope with your own feelings, nor willing to take a risk about defining them. No wonder you have more fear, than self confidence, because you have little self awareness about what to do about your own happiness, and well being.

I imagine that makes it real easy to have intense feelings for anyone that's close and regular. Your attraction to this straight guy has nothing to compare with, so of course its intense for you.

Dude you may need some help, and guidance to learn to trust yourself, and believe in yourself enough to take a risk, and be open with people as to your true self.

Acceptance of self, is the start to opening yourself to a world of options and opportunities that will allow you to grow through experiences, and learn about YOURSELF, and have faith, trust, and confidence in yourself.

Then you will have no problem building a life that you enjoy, because you will know how to handle yourself, and your feelings in any situation, because you are no longer afraid of yourself.

[Cheyenneann]

Well I get that your in love with your best friend and everything but talk to him about it first... Correction about your feelings and how you feel its not weird or steange to breakdown when you see him with a girl cause that shows you really are in love and you might be dying inside but don't beat yourself up about it find a guy unlike this one find your one and destined! Everyone has one... Maybe you just haven't discovered it yet.. just keep on looking your originallity will lead you too the right path and your perfect guy!

[spritebubbles]

I know you posted this a year ago, but I just found it and this is my EXACT situation. Expect I'm a straight girl and he's a gay guy. I've been single all my life (22 years old now) and I am just so desperately consumed by my love for my best friend who clearly feels nothing back for me at all. Reading your story made me genuinely cry. I feel the same when my friend finds a new guy that he likes. I just honestly want to die knowing that he doesn't want to be with me when I love him so much.

We too, spend our entire lives together and so it just kills me not be around him and then at the same time it's hurting me to be with him. I just was curious what your situation is now and I wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same as you. <3