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Need help in knowing how to deal with this situation. My 19 yo daughter is in college and dating a boy of another religion. We have raised her in the Mormon faith and she has always been very active in her faith never has she doubted her testimony. her boyfriend asked her some difficult doctrinal questions and gave her anti mormon literature to read. She now is questioning all of her beliefs including the Bible. She is consumed by this boyfriend and hopes to marry him in the future. This is the only boy she has ever dated and even if he had been the same religion I would not feel that they are right for each other. i am concerned that she is willing to give up everything she has known and her support group in college for this boy. She has attended church 3 days per week while in school. I am angry with him and don't know how to feel towards her. She is coming home next week and I don't know how to handle this situation. I will be seeing them both all summer as she will live at home and he lives in our home town. i know she is an adult but I feel she is making decisions based on pleasing him and not for the right reasons. Please help!
OK, an update for those who care. I will try to make it short. I talked with the boyfriend's mother and let her know my concerns about the relationship (sexual). SHe also was concerned since he had also made commitments to wait until marriage. AWe all got together for a very emotionl talk in which they said that they had already decided to cool things down and had realized that they were not ready for a sexual relationship. CUDOS for them!!! anyway the mother said that they still should not spend every minute together and give each other a chance to be themselves without the other. She also encouraged my daughter to look into different religions. I bit my tongue on that one. So anyway my daughter keeps emailing him and calling him. He seems to be distancing himself a little but my daughter doesn't see it. I suggested that since his mother had advised that they should be the same religion before marriage that he also look at Mormonism. My daughter said that she agreed because he sated that he wanted to know the truth and it would only benefit him to a least understand where she came form. We both agreed that since had been so willing to look at his beliefs and except his answers that he also would be willing to do so for her. Well,of course that isn't so. He said he din't see any need to look at Mormonism because he already knew what he believed. She is hurt but still doesn't see what I saw all along. He also said his mother isn't sure if she will allow it. How about that? She encouraged my daughter to leave her church but not allow her son to look at another. Anyway the prom is tonight and honestly I am hoping that he fizzles out after that. like I said he seems to be pulling away and she had a problem with him not being willing to look at our (my) beliefs for her. Maybe she will see what I have seen all along,that she was into this relationship more that he was and he only wanted her to change but not himself. So we will see how this goes. We are getting along well. I just wish that she would work to find out what she believes. She seems content in not knowing anything and I don't want to push.
its her decision what she does, just remember, god loves us all, and he is the right way, but in the end, its a persons own decision what faith they are off.
I miss talking with you all. Things are about the same. She continues to call him, email, him and run whenever he wants to see her. He couldn't come to her friends wedding, go swimming with her, or come to dinner because he had others things to do. But she still insists that he loves her and tells her so. She still is content with not believing anything and he still had refused to listen to our beliefs until today when my husband an I suggested that if he really cared about her as much as he says, he would be willing to hear about what we believe if for no other reason than where she is coming from. ( I still contend that she has made all of the changes to accommodate him). Things that used to be important to her are not now because they aren't to him. For instance she never would go to restaurants or shopping on Sundays when friends would invite her because she said that she felt that the Sabbath day was to be spent in worship and with families. But last Sunday they went to the movies. When I asked why the change she said because his church says it is ok. They only say you shouldn't work on Sunday and that this commandment was not repeated so you dont have to observe it????? So today he says that he will listen to the missionaries explain our beliefs. He says that he will next week so we will see. We have heard it before. I am not trying to convert him or her for that matter. I just want her to see that he is still trying to change her while he is unwilling to meet her half way. Maybe all mothers feel that no one is good enough for their daughters but I want her to be with someone who truly loves her the way she is and be crazy about her. I want most of all for her to be happy. They say they are waiting until they both finish school to get married but meanwhile she sits at home waiting for him to call and misses out on life. She says she is ok with that. Is there anyway that I can make her see without forcing her to choose? I want to force a change in some ways but I do realize that she is an adult. We pay for her car insuance, cell phone and other expenses though so where do we draw the line in supporting her?
Are you saying that you will support her as long as she believes the way that you do? is that what you mean?
The forth commandment says that we should remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. Originally the Sabbath day was on a Saturday, now it is recognized on Sunday. If she is planning on marrying this guy, is this guy not her family and she was spending time with him?
I am going through the same ordeal with my niece except the boy she is marrying is a mormon and she is not. We never push religion on him in any way. It is his mormon parents who push it on both of them. To be honest with you I am starting to believe that the mormon children purposely find someone who is not mormon so that they can find a way out. They rebel. My niece went to the mormon church and she even was babtized there. As she went she started to really disagree with some of the teachings of the religion. She says the mother of the boy who is mormon is very judgemental, and talks about everyone behind their back. My niece just doesnt want to have anything to do with people like that. And this is really posing a problem on this young couple, because the family cannot stay out of thier business. I personally love her fiance very much, I dont care if he is a mormon or not, unfortunately, his parents care if my niece is.
As far as you speaking with his mother, let me tell you something, she doesnt agree with your religion one bit, I can guarantee it. But it seems as if she loves her child no matter what. At what point in time does your religion allow you to let your child make mistakes, live her life? Is your love unconditional or is there strings attached? Will you accept her if she decides that she does not want to be a mormon or practice it? In your religion what are the consequences for her going to the movies on a Sunday? Does it make a difference in the big picture? Are you willing to go with your daughter to another church like his? If not what difference does it make?
Oh I know she doesn't agree with our religion and she has refused to let him hear about it. She has encourged my daughter to leave the Mormon church. I will love my my daughter no matter what she chooses. I just don't want her to settle with someone who isn't as in love with her as she is with him. Actually most Mormons marry other Mormons to avoid this conflict of differnt beliefs. No she did not spend the day with any family. She went to the movie which she previously felf was wrong.
Just let your daughter live her life. If you love her, respect her decisions. My hubby is LDS and he has 6 other siblings that are also married and LDS, two of them married a non mormon, and you know who had the conflict. THE MORMON FAMILY, MY IN LAWS, ESPECIALLY MY MOTHER IN LAW. She also pushed me to get baptized.
Let them do what they want to do. You can't push religion in your daughter if she decided she doesn't believe. It's just going to make her distant.
I'm sorry to say this but the biggest issue with you is that this boy is not Mormon. Admit it or not I know. I live in the Mormon state UTAH and I know how LDS people are.
If you love your daughter, let her make her own decisions, respect them and be there for her. Don't push her or her BF in something they don't want. If your daughter really believes in the church she will sooner or later talk to her BF about it and defend it. But there is nothing you should do.
If your daughter really believes in the church she will sooner or later talk to her BF about it and defend it. But there is nothing you should do.
Lotz, I think this part of your advice really sums it up well. Lacey, your daughter is the one that should be defending and teaching her BF about her religion. You cannot force this any further. I know you are frustrated and feel that he is being unreasonable and that your daughter is hanging on his every word and following him like a puppy dog, but that is YOUR view. NOT your daughter's view. You have to stop for a moment and put yourself in your daughter's shoes. Remember what it was like when you were her age? Didn't you think you knew everything? I know I did, and most older teens do. If you keep this up, you will push her further away and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she marries him sooner, rather than later. She needs to live her life, make her own decisions and yes, make her own mistakes. If you back off, in time, this whole relationship may end on it's own. J_9 is away for a while, but I think you need to go back a couple of pages here and reread what she wrote to you. Look at her info about her own life, her parents, her marriage at 19, her divorce. Your daughter will have the same outcome in her life if you insist on continuing in this vein.
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