Why Does My Son Hate Me?

tjr · Aug 4, 2005, 04:42 PM

I think you really need to wake up .Your son sounds like the typical teenage
that most teens are,you need to realize that nothing you do is going to change his attitude but time.You sound like a nice ,concerned parent but
Even contemplating suicide because of someone else's opinion,even if it's
Family,is disturbing.
I have a couple of questions 1 are you his real mother? 2 what does your husband do when he witnesses the boy's disrespect?

fredg · Aug 5, 2005, 08:50 AM

Hi,
You have hit part of the problem on "the head"......being nice to him.
If you are doing nothing but "being nice to him", have you tried being stern, not so nice, with him?
A 16 yr old can be quite hateful; and needs to understand that you will NOT tolerate it anymore.
Take away his phone, his TV, and ground him for a couple of weeks. Tell him you are NOT putting up with his attitudes any longer. Lay down the law with him.....He really can't "hate" you any more than he does now.
You may have tried too much kindness. Show him YOU are the boss, NOT him.
If all else fails, get him into a car, and go talk with a professional counselor.
Best of luck,

Fredg

MOM IN PAIN · Aug 5, 2005, 03:04 PM

Thank you for reading my post. I know in my head everything you are saying is true and as for killing myself I don't really think I could do it. I guess I have just made him my world and I don't know how to change that. To ansewer questions 1. Yes, I am his real mom and 2. His dad works a lot and really only see's him at night and on weekends. Sometimes I do feel as if I am an only parent but I don't see that as an excuse. There are plenty of only parents in this world, I'm not any different then them.

I know he is trying to individualize and that means he wants time alone, he wants to make his own decisions and suffer his own consequences and if I were a good mother I would be able to deal with that. Somedays I can, most days I can't and we end up in a fight and I think sometimes he smarts off and acts like he does because I am smothering him. See, I know what is going on but in the heat of the moment I loose it. I know 16 years into it is a little late to say I don't think I can handle this but I am really starting to think I can't.

Insane · Aug 5, 2005, 04:57 PM

I am sorry your son is so disrespectful, this is the worst thing for a parent to have to deal with. As parents we feel guilty when they hurt or are upset or just about anything. When my daughter was a teenager we went through some really rough times, I spent a lot of time crying. I can't count how many times she said she hated me. I stuck by her and continued to guide her and gave her lots of love. The key is not to let them have the control, stick to your decisions. This must have worked because she is 22 now, very responsible and not to mention respectful. We now have a very close relationship, we share everything and she always comes to me when she needs someone. I am now facing my son, he is only 8 but he has the same personality. Lesson learned, I am tougher on him.
Just be strong hang in there. Before you know it he will be out of this phase, although it sometimes seems you will never get through it. We can only hope there is no involvement with drugs. A lot of times teenagers just get so confused and feel a lot of pressure, from school, peers, just the idea of living up to everyone's expectations, and as his mom he may feel he has let you down most of all. Without knowing your situation it is very hard to know what could be creating his anger toward you.
Good luck, I am sure everything will be fine in time.

beme · Sep 24, 2005, 10:56 AM

Hello,first it isn't your falt you need to ask simple Questions :1st am I a good mother:2nd did I do something wrong:3rd why is he mad at me:and last pray ask god for your help ask tell me why he is mad.if any questions ask=hailleybug@hotmail.com

fredg · Sep 25, 2005, 04:43 AM

Hi,
I am glad you mentioned the fact the your Husband is away most of the time; or doesn't get too involved in these problems with your son.
You really need to talk with the Social Services or a similar service in your local area. They can guide you as to what to do. They can also set up someone to come to your home, and talk with the son.
It's NOT your fault, you are NOT to blame, for the way he is acting. Many children growing up with only one parent around most of the time, have problems. It's takes a "family" to live together, and respect each other, normally.
I would look in your local phone book, and call the Social Services people. Make an appointment to talk with someone. Help is available for you, just seek it out.
Your son will not go with you for Professional counseling, so it's time you took the next step; have someone come to your son, at your direction and iniative. It can also be done through the Courts.
If you don't act now, your son will continue with his disrectful attitudes, and it will only get worse; spreading out into his relations with other people, if not already.
Best of luck,
Fredg

fredg · Oct 3, 2005, 04:21 AM

Hi,
Did anyone check the date of this original posting? Aug 4 ?
This thread is too old to be replying to now!
Fredg

Opine · May 2, 2007, 08:13 PM

Sometimes its easier to think that your kid is responsible enough to do all of lifes chores because its easier than having to carry the responsibilities yourself. Constant consistant involvement in your kids life is the only way to understand them. They will be ty as teens, remember ?! If a solid foundation is laid, the teenage years will at least be not so misunderstood.

Opine · May 2, 2007, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOM IN PAIN

I really have had it with the disrespect, fighting, etc... It seems no matter how hard I try all we do is fight. He is 16 and this has been going on for a couple of years. I really think he hates me. It seems nothing I can do is right. No matter how nice I am he still snaps at me about everything. He used to say I harp on him too much so I tried to stop that, still he is rude. He won't come out of his room, in order to see him I have to go to him and when I do that he gets mad cause I am in his business. I seem to be the only one he acts this way to. He is nice to his dad, girlfriend, everyone except me. I just don't know anymore. I even would consider leaving myself just to make him happy if I had anywhere to go. Maybe just killing myself would work, then he would be rid of me and I wouldn't have to hurt anymore.

ALso, saying you want to kill yourself sounds like a 16 yr olds line.

Why Does My Son Hate Me?

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