In a nutshell... why does my 19 year old daughter argue with me about everything! When I ask her to do something... response is usually "does it have to be done right now?" I can't stand how unkept she keeps her room. WHy do clothes have to be all over the floor? I think I just need to hear from others... does a mother daughter relationship get better? It wasn;t always like this and I miss the better days!

I am 30, now with children of my own. I was the same way when I was a teenager. My mom is now my best friend. Very best friend. I don't really know how my mom dealt with my ridiculous attitude, and my kids aren't teenagers yet. But for me, when I hit my 20's and got out on my own, things got much better! Hang in there!

If she cannot keep her room clean and follow your rules, she needs to get a job and get her onw place.

Yep... tell her she shapes up NOW... and does her chores you give her, or she can pack up her stuff and leave or YOU will throw her out... though technically its more complicated than that and you have to evict her and that takes a month.

Your house, your rules... she doesn't like it then tell her to get out and support herself.

Does it have to be done right now? If it does, let her know. If it can actually wait, just let her know that you'd like her to take care of it by that evening, for example. Does she have set jobs that she is responsible for? That might help.

I'm with the standpoint that, while it might be nice for her to keep her room clean, as long as her stuff stays in her room... just close the door.

You are truly fortunate that these appear to be your main concerns. Many parents are not as fortunate. Try not to let some clothes on the floor become too big of an issue.

The good times will come around again... :) I have so much fun with my daughters and it warms my heart that they ask me to join them in many of their activities. You will always be parent/child, but it's a joy when you are also friends.

Jos, I have a nineteen year old daughter, too. Two of the things I learned a long time ago are to pick my battles and be flexible. At nineteen, she isn't a child anymore. Don't make the mistake of treating her like one.

As Doula asked, does it have to be done now? Are the clothes a major problem? Can there be a compromise?

Sit down with her and talk about what needs to be done and why you want things the way you do. Ask her if she has any thoughts on what might improve the situation. It may seem like you are giving in, but you are teaching her a valuable lesson in working with someone.

If your relationship is so bad that you can't talk with her, then think about giving her an ultimatum. But if you do, be prepared to follow through and to handle the consequences.

Do you have other children who are affected by your relationship with your daughter? Are there other factors you haven't shared that might affect the advice you need?

I'll be honest that I know the day is fast approaching when there won't be the clothes left on the floor and she won't be there to ask to do something so I tend let the minor things go. Being understanding seems to get a lot more done than nagging or wanting things to be 'my' way or 'no' way.