At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
i recently was given a 'job' as a babysitter for a girl my husband works with, whom lives a few doors down from us in the apartment complex we are in.
at first i thought 'awesome, she doesnt have to pay an arm and a leg for corperate daycare, and i get a little extra cash for bills'
now im having second thoughts. but im worried about these kids.
this girl isnt the type that i am usually friends with. she is very much the typical loud, 'partying' girl. she complains about everything (she doesnt complain about my childcare skills however)
for example she threw her phone and broke it because she was angry that they gave her the wrong phone number, (we live in arizona, but they accedently gave her a california number) and then spent HOURS on my phone DEMANDING that the phoen comany send her a new one because its thier fault she threw the phone because they gave her the wrong number!!
my concern here, is for the kids. she is NOT loving in any way!! her kids are a 2 year old boy, and a 2 month old baby girl. the baby girl is left to lay on the floor all day long, no love, not holding, no affection at all. if she crys, a bottle is proped up by a pillow for her to eat. or a binky with SUGAR is put in her mouth!! im sorry, but sugar on a binky doesnt sound right at 2 months to me...i understand that doctors sometimes do this to distract babys when getting innoculations but she does this CONSTANTLY all day!
the 2 year old talks very well, but again, it doesnt seem to me that he is acustomed to love and affection. i give him hugs and kisses and he just sorta sits there limp. like he doesnt even know what i am trying to do.
when they are at my house (8 hours a day 5 days a week) i am trying to give them all the love and attention i can, i snuggle with the baby, i hug the little boy.
she doesnt abuse them...she isnt mean to them...so im not sure if i can do ANYTHING...
but what can i do about this other than simply give them all the love i can while i have them?
If I was you, I'd stay away. You say she's the "partying" type.....that typ3 typicallly puts financial importance on drugs, booze, etc before bills. So you very well might not get paid sometimes. And you also might get asked to sit a lot more than what you're thinking. Eveerytime she wants to go out, she's gonna call you. And when people go out,they generally don't come back when they say they will (I bartend, so I know this!!)
If she has a big temper, I was thinking, what if you started working for her but had to quit for one reason or another, she might get vindictive on you. Do things like become an annoyance, call DHS on you, spread rumors... just bug you in general...
IMO, not worth it!!
The behavior you describe points to drug/alcohol use anyway...
Quote:
typical loud, 'partying' girl.....for example she threw her phone and broke it because she was angry that they gave her the wrong phone number, (we live in arizona, but they accedently gave her a california number) and then spent HOURS on my phone DEMANDING that the phoen comany send her a new one because its thier fault she threw the phone because they gave her the wrong number!!
Not normal behavior at all. Get away from her!!
You could call DHS if you're concerned about the kids, if you believe (and it sounds like) she's drinking and on drugs. They can do SOMetHING. An investigation, drug testing, etc. Please, do it!! If she's on drugs, the situation is only going to get worse. It always goes downhill....
I have a big mouth when it comes to kids,they can't speak for them self so someone has to.
When you see a situation,just speak up. No one likes to be told how to raise their children and they get very defensive but if you approach it with tact and even humor,she may get your point.
Neglect is child abuse,in my book.
Propping a bottle is not only dangerous,it deprives the child of the sense of comfort and bonding they need .In an emergency,we have all done it but as a habit,it is sad for the child.
Show her by example and perhaps you could say*when I try to cuddle with (boy) he seems uncomfortable,like he isn't used to getting cuddles,we know all little ones need their cuddles*.
i agree arty, i propped a bottle up for my daughter when she was little maybe twice, and both times was because the food on my stove was burning! and even then, my daughter was more like 7 or 8 months, not 2 months.
thats a great idea to broach the subject with 'he seems uncomfratable like he isnt used to cuddles'
i will try that when she gets home tonight.
passmeby, thats an excellent point! in fact, i am asking this because last night i had a dream that she went out with friends and left the baby with me (the 2 year old with her mother) and never came back for the baby girl and i kept her and raised her (i know, that wouldnt happen even if i wanted it to)
If you decide to continue watching the children, I'd try to take advantage of the opportunity to "show" her how to mother her children. Maybe she is just clueless.....
It's all in the approach and wording however so that she doesn't become defensive. If she cuts you off from the kids because she gets angry you will not have a way of knowing how they are doing.
Simple remarks......"I love how little Sarah loves being cuddled...she snuggles right in my arms when I feed her" "Tommy is getting so big.....he has great fun sitting with me while we look at books together....and he is learning the names of so many colors and animals".
Now of course she may take it as, great....since they are getting this from you she doesn't have to worry about it...but hopefully you will be planting a seed and your comments will get her thinking about things she can, and should be, doing with them.
thats a GREAT idea doula! why didnt i think of that. that was exactly my problem was if i call CPS and they get involved, and then they cant do aything about it, all i succeed in doing is cutting them from my life and i wont ever know what happens to them.
i must confess, i feel awefull about it, and i know its not possible (for legal reasons) but a part of me DOES want my dream to come true and her abandon her baby so that i can keep her. even though i know the courts wouldnt do that. i LOVE Her to death. is probably 'nesting instinct' as i have been trying to get pregnant.
thanks for all the advise, i will utilize ALL of this for a while and see where it goes. as passmeby said, i want to find out if she is even going to pay me. she says she is. but if she starts making excuses, thats will only make me suspect drugs as passmeby suggested.
oh, I feel for you!!! This must be awful. I have two thoughts..1) RUN & 2) be there for the children... #1....the easy solution is to run away, but by your post, I take it that, that is not an option for you, since you have come to love these children---probably more than their own "mother". Sorry if I offend, but being a mother means more than making the baby.....#2, be there and do what you can for the kids. I love the advice about showing her how to mother in a non-judgmental way. The infant clearly needs more snuggles and attention and the 2 year old deserves to have you in his life!!! It sounds as if she is young and flighty so if you choose to stay, be prepared to not get paid and be taken advantage of. While this is not your problem, you have become involved. If you must call CPS, do so, it could save a life....at least you could try.
yeah i agree shel. i am prepared to not get paid. it wouldnt bother me, as its not like this is the only job i have, (my husband works to pay the bills) it would just be extra money to make payday easier. i feel like these kids need me more than i need the money you know?
i know that i woudl DEFINATLY call CPS right away if i even SUSPECT that they are in danger or being hurt. but for now i dont really have any proof. i mean, i have known plenty of GOOD parents, who are also 'partyiers' on thier time off (NO drugs)
and i dont THINK she does drugs, so thats good. i just know she has one beer after work. (and im pretty sure its AFTER the kids are sleeping)
wow sorry. im not TRYING to make excuses for her :P thats not what i mean LOL.
thanks for all the advise everyone. i will definately be keeping my eye on this and i will update this post if anything changes, so keep subscribed if your interested.
is it still considered child abuse if the parent THREATENS her child with child abuse??
she doesnt DO it, however she is constantly telling her son 'if you dont stop im gonna beat you bloody'
or today, which shocked me she said 'im gonna kick you in your balls if you dont stop!"
OMG i about lost it!!!
i have decided i am going to call CPS on her. i just hope they deturmine she is dangerous and take the babies away...
Have you ever told someone you're so mad you could kill them? Have you ever said "I could just slap you?" I have.
If you call CPS be sure you can back up her words with actual physical threats. Do you see bruises on him etc.?
Have you ever seen her hit her child?
If not, I don't think CPS is going to do anything. They're pretty busy. Is this abuse? Well it's verbal, that's for sure, but I don't think you can have your kids taken away for verbal abuse.
Linear Mode
