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My son is 3 months. I was never married to his father. His father has 4 felonies and a criminal record that is 35 pages long. He has had an addiction to cocaine since he was 19 and he is now 31. Since i have known him he has not been clean for more than 3 months. He has been through rehab at least 6 times. He was either in jail or rehab the entire time I was pregnant. He stayed clean for about 2 1/2 months until last week when he went on a binge. He lost his job, which is part of his parole. His Parole officer knows of this last incident and they have a meeting on monday. We are not (as of yet) taking this to court. We do have a meeting at the child support agency where we will discuss custody and visitation. I know that I have to have sole physical custody, but should I ask for sole legal also? I would like to have both, but is that asking too much. I know that he is not stable enough to make major decisions for his child, but I do not want trouble.
Asking for just the right amount isn't what guarantees you won't have trouble with folks like your ex... you'd understand that by now, don't you? Ask for everything... absolutely everything! And be sure, just in case you aren't already, to get yourself straightened up now that you have a child to raise -- it is the most important work you'll ever do in your entire life, okay?
I know that he is impossible to deal with. He still blames his addiction on others, especially me. When I talk to him I always feel harrassed. I know what is best for my child, which is not having a father that is in and out of his life. His father is very controlling and selfish. He is not trying to take care of his son, but trying to make himself happy. When the baby was first born he told me that he needed to see him because it might help him stay away from drugs. That is not what babies are for. Is it likely that I could get no visitation? At least until he proves to be clean (if that ever happens). My son means the world to me and all I want to do is protect him.
I don't know where you live, but worst case scenario is that he will have to have supervised visitation. The court can appoint someone to watch over the visitation for a few hours a week. You might even be able to ask for weekly drug tests regarding his visitation, if it comes up postive for drugs, then visitation is revoked.
I am in Wisconsin. I had set something up with him to come to my moms every other week for two hours. He did not show the last 2 times, but insists on the visits. I am worried that if I do go through the courts, his visits would be a couple times a week. I dont like having that much contact with him.
With a record like his it would be quite unusual for the visits to be more often.
However, I believe it may benefit you to go through the court because of his record. The court then would assign a custodian to watch over the visitations so that nothing inappropriate will happen while he is with your son.
If he continues to insist on the visits then I suggest that you insist on him going to your mom's house. You can play the same game he is. If he does not visit but continues to insist then you can pull your trump card and tell him that it will be decided in court.
Just out of curiosity, nothing more, but you mention his drug problem and you call yourself MissMeth18. Makes one think of either Methamphetamine or Methodone. Please do not answer that here, as that is not our business, but, if he finds this nickname out he may try to use it against you.
I know some will disagree with my last comment, but I am used to men who try and play games. I am just trying to help you CYA.
I am just trying to think of anything he could use against you if he were that kind of person.
That has been my screen name on quite a few sites since I was 16. I had a crush on method man( for some odd reason). It is something that I remember. I have another one I use a lot but it is my nickname and I did not want anyone he knows to see this. I am not a drug user nor smoker. I am in school full time (health field). I am the complete opposite of him. Did I mention that he has a 12 yo daughter who his parents have custody of.
If he keeps doing what he is doing, is it possible to get his rights terminated?
Well, you really did not have to answer that question, I was just trying to bring up the fact that if he does find out about it, and is the manipulating kind, he might try to use it against you.
Health Field, great choice!! Of course I am biased, but there is a lot of work for health care workers, and the pay is great.
You say his parents have custody of his 12 y/o. Where is the mother? Is she in the same sort of situation he is?
If that is the case you should really have the courts on your side. If you have legal papers you have more power.
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